Dammed if i do, dammed if i don't.

[INeedOutNow]

I want to die. I have had enough. I have been researching partial suspension for a while now. It seems the easiest and the safest if that makes sense. I have been taking each day as it comes. Hoping that tomorrow would be better. To be honest it's been getting worst. Every day more painful ever day harder to get out of bed. I cant deal with life anymore. My job is hard. Expectations are so high and no one gives a shit if I am here or not. My mum is in a constant heroin coma. My dad is non existent. I'm 24 now and I'm fed up with people telling me it gets better and I'm doing so well considering I grew up in the care system. Truth is i'm just really fucking good at pretending my life's ok and I'm not dieing inside.

If I take the rightful choice to die what will happen to me? Will I descend into heaven? Will I be reborn? God only knows.

If I dont life will continue to be hell it has been like this since I can remember.

Im just scared that it wont work.

 

[The Mute Viking]

I agree with you on the method, all other methods seem so inaccessible to me right now.
I am also trying to take each day at a time, but when the days are all the same, a blur.
It doesn't really matter.

Everything you fucking said resonates with me, I don't have exactly the same experience, but I too have never had a father, and my mother was never there either as they both gave me up to the countries care at a young age.

The things they tell you are meant with the best intentions, though, I get what you are saying.
What do you believe happens after you die, let alone after suicide? Neither of us knows, no one does.

If I didn't see the difference in what you posted, I would have said this was posted by me.

I hope whatever you descide works out and you can find the peace or happiness in it.

Change starts with fighting against the direction of pushing tide.

 

[Funkbunny]

Wish I had some wise words, but I don't. I agree mute Viking, this resonates strongly.

When you've given of yourself, so much to others for so long, you forget who you actually are. What are you meant to do, with no idea, or reason.

 

[not_a_robot]

Sorry. It's not easy.