Discussion DAE Ever Feel Trapped in their Minds?

[NodusTollens]

I struggle to find the words to express myself & it makes me feel- well, stupid. I feel like the person in my mind, isn't reflected outwardly.

If I'm given enough time, have an even temperament (this is a struggle) & the ability to write my responses, I find it much easier to form thoughts into coherent sentences.

Speak with me in person, I tend to stutter, slur words, sometimes thoughts come out backwards, & I pause frequently because I can't find the word I am looking for. After having been made fun of for it over the years, I tend to be quiet in group settings.

DAE feel this way or experience something like this?

 

[Intotheflames]

Definitely related. It always takes me thrice amount of time to say what I meant compared to others. My mind also works very randomly, the association it makes are a flash of image, a sense of feelings, lyrics etc, and people don't get them. Also depression messes up my brain, I can't recall the words or concepts needed to express myself. Like you I tend to keep quite IRL.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I get really nervous talking out loud and my words come out as a mess. It's embarrassing and makes me feel like such an idiot. Sometimes I just talk too fast and blurt things out, other times I have to think too much about what I say.

Public speaking was different though. Maybe it's because I had a clear objective, a plan. I was instructing others versus having to just contribute to a conversation, completely different dynamic

 

[shadowchaser]

ALL the time. So much. You describe exactly what I go through, uncannily. I've always thought how nice it would be if I were allowed to write my replies in regular conversations and not feel so incongruent with what I'm thinking and what I'm presenting to others. Sometimes I take so long formulating the perfect response that the group has already moved past three or four topics. It makes me feel so slow, even though I have supposed "proof" from a psychological assessment that I'm not.
I completely get what you're feeling. <3

 

[Kassender]

I can relate too.

Like there is an invisible wall between me and everyone else.

Each time i try to speak up, i either take too long, stutter or realise mid sentence i'm not making any sense when i'm not crashing because i forgot my point.

Every time i try to improve myself or my life, i hit the very same roadblocks.
And it always hurts the same.

I feel trapped too.

 

[NodusTollens]

Definitely related. It always takes me thrice amount of time to say what I meant compared to others. My mind also works very randomly, the association it makes are a flash of image, a sense of feelings, lyrics etc, and people don't get them. Also depression messes up my brain, I can't recall the words or concepts needed to express myself. Like you I tend to keep quite IRL.

Omg, you JUST described things I actually struggle with.

The lyrics! Do you ever find yourself mid-conversation & your mind is on jukebox mode playing song after song based on the words someone has said?

 

[Intotheflames]

Omg, you JUST described things I actually struggle with.

The lyrics! Do you ever find yourself mid-conversation & you mind is on jukebox mode playing song after song based on the words someone has said?

Lol yea the words of what they said trigger a series of songs, images, all kind of brainstorm in my mind.

 

[NodusTollens]

I get really nervous talking out loud and my words come out as a mess. It's embarrassing and makes me feel like such an idiot. Sometimes I just talk too fast and blurt things out, other times I have to think too much about what I say.

Public speaking was different though. Maybe it's because I had a clear objective, a plan. I was instructing others versus having to just contribute to a conversation, completely different dynamic

—hugs—
I can definitely understand what that's like for you, even down to the public speaking portion, although a mite different for me. Public speaking & speeches were mandatory when I was a kid, so every year beginning in the 4th grade, I had to publicly recite a speech I wrote on any chosen topic in front of my class or my entire grade. THAT, scared the shit outta me. Working in a job where I had to talk to groups of people, didn't bother me nearly as much bc I was playing a role (I'm not "me"), once I clock out, it all comes rushing back.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I was swimmin' and a'prayin'
Animals were hidin' behind the rocks

I mean, yah. Me too.

 

[NodusTollens]

ALL the time. So much. You describe exactly what I go through, uncannily. I've always thought how nice it would be if I were allowed to write my replies in regular conversations and not feel so incongruent with what I'm thinking and what I'm presenting to others. Sometimes I take so long formulating the perfect response that the group has already moved past three or four topics. It makes me feel so slow, even though I have supposed "proof" from a psychological assessment that I'm not.
I completely get what you're feeling. <3

—hugs— While it does make me feel better to know I'm not alone in this, it does make me sad knowing others are going through as well. We are social creatures & this is a hindrance to intimate connections.

Honestly, I've adopted a nervous laugh habit to avoid talking if possible, especially if I don't an immediate response pop into mind.

I can relate too.

Like there is an invisible wall between me and everyone else.

Each time i try to speak up, i either take too long, stutter or realise mid sentence i'm not making any sense when i'm not crashing because i forgot my point.

Every time i try to improve myself or my life, i hit the very same roadblocks.
And it always hurts the same.

I feel trapped too.

—hugs— Forgetting the point, argh! I relate to that on a personal level. Sorry to hear you're hitting those same roadblocks, I can imagine it's frustrating for you. I hope that your efforts pay off for you someday.

Lol yea the words of what they said trigger a series of songs, images, all kind of brainstorm in my mind.

—hugs— It can be so hard to function in conversation with others when your brain is preoccupied with everything else. & I can certainly imagine how depression would play a role, it does so much to our ability to function. Sorry these are things you experience too.

I was swimmin' and a'prayin'
Animals were hidin' behind the rocks

I mean, yah. Me too.

:)
I take it you experience the lyrics too?

 

[enuff]

yup that's me too. it sucks. it's embarrassing. and it makes me want to ctb all the time.
i think it might be my aspegers + anxiety + depression all at once.
i used to have to mingle with people i didn't know or like, and i hated it. now thanks to the pandemic, i don't have to do that. can't. it's all gone. for now anyway. but I won't be back when they all go back to regular bla bla bla.

 

[Good4Nothing]

:)
I take it you experience the lyrics too?

Oh yah. I feel like all my wires are crossed. Linear thinking is impossible for me. My thoughts ricochet around randomly like a pinball.

 

[NodusTollens]

—hugs— I can definitely empathize with you on that, I've come to the conclusion that linear thinking is a pipe dream. TBH, thinking aloud makes it easier for me to keep from losing my train of thought.

 

[signifying nothing]

Yeah, I think more in images and abstract ways than in words, so I need time to translate it into something to say, or more likely can't find the words to express what I'm experiencing in my mind.

 

[NodusTollens]

Yeah, I think more in images and abstract ways than in words, so I need time to translate it into something to say, or more likely can't find the words to express what I'm experiencing in my mind.

That's a great way to put it, translating the imagery into words. That's essentially what it is.

 

[262653]

I can relate with a lot of things said here. Straying from the railroads mid conversation (even mid sentence), thinking in pictures, drawing distant associations, difficulties with transcribing thoughts, preoccupation with other things.

I struggle to find the words to express myself & it makes me feel- well, stupid. I feel like the person in my mind, isn't reflected outwardly.

If I'm given enough time, have an even temperament (this is a struggle) & the ability to write my responses, I find it much easier to form thoughts into coherent sentences.

Speak with me in person, I tend to stutter, slur words, sometimes thoughts come out backwards, & I pause frequently because I can't find the word I am looking for. After having been made fun of for it over the years, I tend to be quiet in group settings.

DAE feel this way or experience something like this?

I find it hard to stay on topic when my thoughts are in another room. They can be close to the topic, maybe tied by associative link, but they would likely to sound nonsensical to the other person.

That reminds me of "hands" and "eyes" in drawing. You see the picture in your mind but when you bring it on paper, it looks gibberish. Not at all like in your mind. The degree to which eyes are above hands can be a degree to which one views (subjective experience) personal drawing skills as poor.
When hands are above eyes, it may feel like your drawing skills are wonderful because you can draw anything you can concieve. Now, imagine both of them together. They might have equally good hands but both percieve their own skills differently.

I don't know what can I say on the topic. Embrace the chaos, maybe? I view thoughts as guests coming into my mind, guests which I didn't invite. What comes, comes. I can't force a particular guest to visit me. When I welcome all my guests, I have little trouble coming up with words.

Another analogy: Trying to squeeze a green toothpaste out of a tube with blue toothpaste. Understanding that there is no green toothpaste may help one to stop squeezing it. It's a waste of time and blue toothpaste. It's trying to be something I'm not. I might look at other people squeezing green toothpaste and think I should do the same. Maybe someone I once hold as an authority figure said that I should only squeeze out green toothpaste, or only squeeze it out in certain occasions... Ok, I think that was a sufficient explanation, but if it wasn't for you, you may ask for clarity. If you can, of course. See?

Also, sometimes I just have no idea what I'm saying. Sometimes I'm not confident in my own stance bc I'm keeping a possibility that I might be wrong on certain stuff. After all, I don't have perfect knowledge of everything. How then it's not likely that I'm wrong on something, or at least not entirely accurate?

 

[NodusTollens]

I can relate with a lot of things said here. Straying from the railroads mid conversation (even mid sentence), thinking in pictures, drawing distant associations, difficulties with transcribing thoughts, preoccupation with other things.


I find it hard to stay on topic when my thoughts are in another room. They can be close to the topic, maybe tied by associative link, but they would likely to sound nonsensical to the other person.

That reminds me of "hands" and "eyes" in drawing. You see the picture in your mind but when you bring it on paper, it looks gibberish. Not at all like in your mind. The degree to which eyes are above hands can be a degree to which one views (subjective experience) personal drawing skills as poor.
When hands are above eyes, it may feel like your drawing skills are wonderful because you can draw anything you can concieve. Now, imagine both of them together. They might have equally good hands but both percieve their own skills differently.

I don't know what can I say on the topic. Embrace the chaos, maybe? I view thoughts as guests coming into my mind, guests which I didn't invite. What comes, comes. I can't force a particular guest to visit me. When I welcome all my guests, I have little trouble coming up with words.

Another analogy: Trying to squeeze a green toothpaste out of a tube with blue toothpaste. Understanding that there is no green toothpaste may help one to stop squeezing it. It's a waste of time and blue toothpaste. It's trying to be something I'm not. I might look at other people squeezing green toothpaste and think I should do the same. Maybe someone I once hold as an authority figure said that I should only squeeze out green toothpaste, or only squeeze it out in certain occasions... Ok, I think that was a sufficient explanation, but if it wasn't for you, you may ask for clarity. If you can, of course. See?

Also, sometimes I just have no idea what I'm saying. Sometimes I'm not confident in my own stance bc I'm keeping a possibility that I might be wrong on certain stuff. After all, I don't have perfect knowledge of everything. How then it's not likely that I'm wrong on something, or at least not entirely accurate?

Love the straying from the railroad analogy, it's spot on.

—hugs— I can't appreciate what you're saying to such an extent, I honestly didn't think anyone else dealt with this. Nonsensical statements & phrases that were at one point well thought out & logical, somehow get lost in translation. It makes me feel like I'm better off not speaking or if I do I'll be ridiculed.

I can agree with embracing the chaos, in fact, learning to address the chaos is what eventually led me to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. How do I balance the onslaught of pos/neg thoughts & function as a human being. This book touches on what you're saying about thoughts being guests.

Your toothpaste analogy does actually address things expected of or said to me as a child. Be it my mother or teachers: fit this mold, do it right the first time or your stupid.

I can understand that, not speaking up bc you assume whatever you have to say is insufficient or incorrect.

Thanks for sharing

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, my mind is the worst enemy. It really scares the sh*t outta me!

 

[NodusTollens]

yup that's me too. it sucks. it's embarrassing. and it makes me want to ctb all the time.
i think it might be my aspegers + anxiety + depression all at once.
i used to have to mingle with people i didn't know or like, and i hated it. now thanks to the pandemic, i don't have to do that. can't. it's all gone. for now anyway. but I won't be back when they all go back to regular bla bla bla.

Sorry to hear you experience this too & I want to thank you for sharing.
—hugs—

I agree that the pandemic has been beneficial in that vein, as it lessened the need for social interactions in our everyday lives. I feel you on this, I, too don't plan on emerging on the other side of the pandemic.

Yes, my mind is the worst enemy. It really scares the sh*t outta me!

—hugs— How so? If you don't mind sharing.

 

[262653]

I can agree with embracing the chaos, in fact, learning to address the chaos is what eventually led me to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. How do I balance the onslaught of pos/neg thoughts & function as a human being. This book touches on what you're saying about thoughts being guests.

I've decided to read the summary of that book, and tried to ask myself how do I feel now, again and again. It really does wonders to me. I used to appreciate stillness but not so much lately. It feels very cool. Not unlike other pleasures that, on expiration, lead to withdrawal effects. Actually I don't know if I should call it pleasure but in contrast with my everyday life, it feels very good. I have this graph of a function analogy in my head but I don't think my math skills at this point are sufficient to explain it and I would likely make a fool of myself instead.