Venting Cut off my only friend. Did I fuck up?

[Doz]

So a few months back I completely cut off the only person I had left that I actually considered a very close friend. I should also mention this is an online friend

There was something brewing inside of me. It was a mix of jealousy and disappointment. Years ago it seemed more like a 2 sided friendship but in recent years it was way more one sided. We used to talk and hang out all the time. He would hit me up and I would hit him up. But at some point along the way it was just me hitting him up. And we would talk sure but I was the only one to ever drive the conversation. Another thing is that initial interaction. That first "hello" means so much. It means that, unprovoked, you have entered this persons mind to the point where they want to talk to you. This stopped happening. He never asked to call or play anything anymore. It was always me doing the heavy lifting with the social aspect. It was clear he's moved on from me and I became "that guy you hang around with because none of your real friends are around." I remember we'd be in the middle of playing something (initiated by me) and as soon as his friends told him to get on EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER DO ANYTHING ANYMORE he still ditches me. I've always been that guy in life and it seems I'm doomed as such. It was like that during school and now it's happened to someone I considered a very close friend. I've told him things I have literally never told anyone and he knows it. Doesn't that mean anything? Not anymore I guess.

Don't get me started on his egotistical douche bag friend group. I don't know why the hell he stays around those assholes. But I sincerely believe they replaced me because it went from me and him talking and hanging out to him and them ALL. THE. TIME.

To clarify I don't think he's a bad person or a piece of shit or anything. He did start to develop an ego from that friend group I mentioned that got a bit annoying but he was still pretty chill. We were also friends for years. Ever since maybe 2017 or 2018? I think he naturally moved on from me as everyone else in my life did. I don't think he ever realized it though. It was like subconscious. He'd always tell me something like "If I didn't want to hang out with you then I wouldn't." But we obviously werent unless I was the one asking? It wasn't like that before... Even for me it was subconscious on some level. If you go back to my old posts I say things like "I'm alone" or "I don't have any friends". This guy WAS my only friend but it stopped feeling like it at some point. It was that feeling where even though you do have somebody you still feel alone in the world. We were still kind of talking but I removed him on everything and from what I can tell he doesn't seem to care much. Not trying to re-add me or message me or anything. I didn't say anything I just ripped the bandaid off. He probably still hasn't noticed.

So did I mess up by cutting him off? Or was there a lack of communication in regards to removing him on my end? Was I just over thinking all of this?

I don't know who will actually read all this (usually I use a text to speech plugin when I go through posts on here) but if you're one of those people, thanks.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Probably not, but I would have Probably just not initiated communication, and left it open if your freind decided he wanted to see how you were doing. I didn't see how it was actually "cut off" .

 

[Doz]

Probably not, but I would have Probably just not initiated communication, and left it open if your freind decided he wanted to see how you were doing. I didn't see how it was actually "cut off" .

By cut off I mean I've removed him on everything. And I had tried it before. Actually did one better. I tried just not messaging him for months starting from december of last year to april of this year and he never messaged me. Any messages from me after the fact was just desperation until I couldn't take it any more.

 

[Daphne]

So a few months back I completely cut off the only person I had left that I actually considered a very close friend. I should also mention this is an online friend

There was something brewing inside of me. It was a mix of jealousy and disappointment. Years ago it seemed more like a 2 sided friendship but in recent years it was way more one sided. We used to talk and hang out all the time. He would hit me up and I would hit him up. But at some point along the way it was just me hitting him up. And we would talk sure but I was the only one to ever drive the conversation. Another thing is that initial interaction. That first "hello" means so much. It means that, unprovoked, you have entered this persons mind to the point where they want to talk to you. This stopped happening. He never asked to call or play anything anymore. It was always me doing the heavy lifting with the social aspect. It was clear he's moved on from me and I became "that guy you hang around with because none of your real friends are around." I remember we'd be in the middle of playing something (initiated by me) and as soon as his friends told him to get on EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER DO ANYTHING ANYMORE he still ditches me. I've always been that guy in life and it seems I'm doomed as such. It was like that during school and now it's happened to someone I considered a very close friend. I've told him things I have literally never told anyone and he knows it. Doesn't that mean anything? Not anymore I guess.

Don't get me started on his egotistical douche bag friend group. I don't know why the hell he stays around those assholes. But I sincerely believe they replaced me because it went from me and him talking and hanging out to him and them ALL. THE. TIME.

To clarify I don't think he's a bad person or a piece of shit or anything. He did start to develop an ego from that friend group I mentioned that got a bit annoying but he was still pretty chill. We were also friends for years. Ever since maybe 2017 or 2018? I think he naturally moved on from me as everyone else in my life did. I don't think he ever realized it though. It was like subconscious. He'd always tell me something like "If I didn't want to hang out with you then I wouldn't." But we obviously werent unless I was the one asking? It wasn't like that before... Even for me it was subconscious on some level. If you go back to my old posts I say things like "I'm alone" or "I don't have any friends". This guy WAS my only friend but it stopped feeling like it at some point. It was that feeling where even though you do have somebody you still feel alone in the world. We were still kind of talking but I removed him on everything and from what I can tell he doesn't seem to care much. Not trying to re-add me or message me or anything. I didn't say anything I just ripped the bandaid off. He probably still hasn't noticed.

So did I mess up by cutting him off? Or was there a lack of communication in regards to removing him on my end? Was I just over thinking all of this?

I don't know who will actually read all this (usually I use a text to speech plugin when I go through posts on here) but if you're one of those people, thanks.

Friendships change over time just like people. Just let it run its course. If you don't feel like reaching out, don't.

 

[Doz]

Friendships change over time just like people. Just let it run its course. If you don't feel like reaching out, don't.

I know they do but I've seen so many people who have had life long relationships and was hoping to have the same. I guess I've learned those kinds of friendships are truly exceptional and rare compared to what I initially thought.

 

[whywere]

This is just my point of view, and with that said here it goes.

I am older and I mention this only because I have had more time to develop or undeveloped friendships. Most of the time for me, when I look back at different times, I usually would cut the friendship cord when I felt as if I was either being used or they could care less about me.

Now days, it was a few years ago with my last friendship where generally speaking I had to be available to go out for a Saturday morning breakfast. One of the last straws on that was when we had just finished up, I was getting in his vehicle to go get mine and his wife called, he had his cell phone tied into the speaker system in his vehicle where was he and the grandkids softball game was going to start and get back NOW, pick me up and lets go.

I felt like a used floor mat and when I got home, I wrote him a quick lets part ways and looking back, it was the BEST thing ever.

I love working with folks, but like with your situation, it is a TWO-WAY Street and when it becomes a one-way street then it is time to change up things.

AS far as I am concerned you made the right call, as since it was not a one-time thing but continual then it is time to move on and find a new friend who cherishes YOU and thinks enough about YOU that they respond, like a good friend should.

You do NOT need to be someone convenience BUT someone's true friend who sees you as an equal.

Hugs and caring thoughts to you, as you ARE a good friend that matters so much.

Walter