Venting CTB tonight

[Igotaplane]

I finally fucking lost it today, and I've been in some weird dazed manic state and can't do this anymore. I haven't written any notes but I don't care I think I'm going to shower and maybe eat my favorite food. I want to say bye to my roommate because she's my best friend and I spend every waking second with her so I feel like it would be unfair not to say bye if I'm leaving the house. And from there I have my plan set in place and I'm sure it'll work. I can't do it. I made a really bad selfish choice today and it's eating me alive, I can't cope with the gravity of the situation.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry you're feeling like you do. Won't your roommate suspect something if you say "goodbye" to them? Also, what's your ctb method? How planned is it? If not planned, being manical and trying to ctb without a good plan usually doesn't work out well. Spur of the moment usually doesn't work out well, either.

 

[Igotaplane]

I'm sorry you're feeling like you do. Won't your roommate suspect something if you say "goodbye" to them? Also, what's your ctb method? How planned is it? If not planned, being manical and trying to ctb without a good plan usually doesn't work out well. Spur of the moment usually doesn't work out well, either.

I often leave in the middle of the night, I have the last two nights from about 9 p.m to 4 a.m so it wouldn't raise any suspicion I think. I was planning on walking to my parents house because it's far but doable and going and getting the firearm they have because I know the code to the safe and where it is and then probably finding the most discrete location possible, there's a park near my moms house that's heavily wooded and you're not supposed to go back there and then just going through with it I think. I'm scared.

 

[amomentspeace]

My thoughts are with you. Good luck and may you find your peace

 

[moonlight2.0]

Hope you find peace in your decision

 

[fallingtopieces]

i'm sorry, it sounds like you've had a really terrible day. i can't help but feel that ctb right now seems impulsive. being in a dazed manic state, and a negative mind loop based on what happened today that's sitting pretty heavy with you. you mentioned you haven't written notes, but sounds like something you would've done but todays events have you spiraling a bit. it is not a good idea to make such an important decision impulsively. i hope you reconsider the date for ctb and talk to your friend about what's happened.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief from suffering you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[moonflow3r]

i hope you find peace

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

It also seems to me like you are in a bit of a weird space as you mention, perhaps being impulsive because of what happened. I personally feel it may be best to be of clear mind, and hope you find time to step back from the situation to reflect on the dazed and manic state you are in. I'm sorry for where you find yourself now and send you love in these trying times