Venting CTB to avoid grief/mourning someone.

[Forever Sleep]

Does anyone want to CTB to avoid grieving or mourning for someone? I've long felt like I was only hanging on for my Dad and that, when he went, I would be free to go too.

He was quite poorly recently and it just gives me a taste of what it's going to be like when he goes. It's the same when we have to say goodbye. I go to pieces for a while. I live hundreds of miles away.

I've lost so many family members and close friends in life. I'm so sick of grieving for people. I noticed years ago that I wasn't even willing to make new relationships because I didn't want to go through the pain of losing them. So, I'm thinking that CTB will be as much about skipping the grieving process as it will be anything else.

This would be the big one for me. Since my Mum died when I was 3, my Dad really became my whole world.

Plus, on a less selfish note, I hate knowing someone I care about is in pain. I hate this world and the way it's been designed to put people through so much pain.

Sorry everyone. I just felt like a vent. I hope you are as good as you can be.

 

[リンさん]

Definitely. Right now my mom is the only person who I can rely on, the only person who supports me through it all and doesn't judge me. I just can't fathom how I'd feel if she were to go first. It sometimes feels like I'm gonna die with her from all the overwhelming grief lol

Im getting older and so is she. It's only a matter of time now. I know that my CTB would hurt her immensely, and it's selfish for me to want to die first, but I still think about it often.

I'm sorry to hear you had to endure so much loss in your lifetime. It's truly not fair that we have to make all these connections only for them to be destroyed eventually - whether that's through separation or death.

 

[astonishedturnip]

Absolutely. I legitimately dread the thought of losing either of my parents in a way that is much more intense than a regular person would. I'm not sure I could survive their passing or illness. But I don't want to put them through my death either. Ugh, it's tough. BS that we make these loving connections that are doomed to be taken from us.