Texas
I agree, I think survival instinct is a big reason why I haven't done anything yet.
Is anyone scared to ctb but feel that ctb is the only way out?
I'm scared to do it
S.I. is a major challenge; people are dismissive of ctb, as if, somehow, it flies in the face of all reason. I personally have been waiting for death a long, long time. Enough of the waiting!, I say to myself. Others dismiss ctb as cowardice, when in fact it takes all the courage an individual can muster. I rehearse ctb scenarios daily while I chain smoke, hoping, just hoping that addiction will settle the matter for me. I scout out jumping locations, for example, while keeping in mind that a bare minimum of 150 ft. is an unwritten requirement to insure death. At the same time, I think of full suspension hanging in my basement and the reaction of my neighbors, as if what they think is awfully important to begin with. Then, it's on to c.o.; what a life, huh?
