Ctb rather than getting old

[Bruces]

i turn 45 next month and I'm wondering whether it's worth carrying on at my age,it's only going to get worse!

 

[Azzy69]

I feel you. Although I'm still fairly young, I can't see myself living past 30. Growing old must be hard enough, let alone with these types of struggles. Feels easier just to die.

 

[SpottedPanda]

They say life begins at 40. I wouldn't know, and may not find out, I'm 37.

I remember reading, it may have been the PPH, perhaps Final Exit, and learning of a woman's reason for choosing to exit. She was calmly and collectively deciding that she didn't care to see any more life, she was already advanced in years, and I remember this idea touching me deeply.

Right now, I'm planning to exit not because of any one thing, but because I don't particularly care to experience any more of life, as I feel I've experienced all it has to offer.

Others say the best years of your life are your school years. That strikes me as an outright lie. My twenties were the golden years. I'm not sure what forty something can possibly offer me that thirty something hasn't already hinted at.

 

[FreddieQuell]

I hear you. I think you can take a sense of pride in having made it so far though. I know I've been on and off suicidal since I was about 18 and I often tell myself damn... I made it to more than twice that age, which, to me, is quite an achievement.

 

[Final Escape]

They say life begins at 40. I wouldn't know, and may not find out, I'm 37.

I remember reading, it may have been the PPH, perhaps Final Exit, and learning of a woman's reason for choosing to exit. She was calmly and collectively deciding that she didn't care to see any more life, she was already advanced in years, and I remember this idea touching me deeply.

Right now, I'm planning to exit not because of any one thing, but because I don't particularly care to experience any more of life, as I feel I've experienced all it has to offer.

Others say the best years of your life are your school years. That strikes me as an outright lie. My twenties were the golden years. I'm not sure what forty something can possibly offer me that thirty something hasn't already hinted at.

Not for women, for women life is over at 40 lol! Men can still start a family and it's not the same for them. They have longer shelf life. If women don't have kids or partner by 40 it's pretty depressing for us unless u managed to have a really great paying satisfying career which only about 4% of people achieve but most will just have jobs which aren't that satisfying on average.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I'm 30 and I've been suicidal since I was 9 when I first tried partial hanging

 

[itsamadworld]

Not for women, for women life is over at 40 lol! Men can still start a family and it's not the same for them. They have longer shelf life. If women don't have kids or partner by 40 it's pretty depressing for us unless u managed to have a really great paying satisfying career which only about 4% of people achieve but most will just have jobs which aren't that satisfying on average.

They say women are blessed to have longer life-spans!....more years to be humiliated doesn't sound like a "blessing" to me....

 

[lostangel]

I can't tell you whether you should or shouldn't ctb. But for me, I wouldn't want to live and watch my body 'decompose' in front of me.

 

[Final Escape]

They say women are blessed to have longer life-spans too....more years to be humiliated doesn't sound like a "blessing" to me....

Exactly, this is why they urge women to have kids but in modern times women were steered away from prioritizing kids and family so it's really brutal for us to be old and not have family or partner. Have to basically wait around for 50 more years to finally die lol!

 

[Nipuedoniquiero]

They say women are blessed to have longer life-spans too....more years to be humiliated doesn't sound like a "blessing" to me....

That was deep but so true. The more years passing the worse it gets. Getting to your 80's
I've always seen it as a curse , cause more suffering have you endured most of life.
Except really few percentage of people , most have undesirable lives.

 

[Final Escape]

No more sex, no more male attention past 40 unless u are able to afford plastic surgery and hormone replacement lol! It's basically over lol!

 

[itsamadworld]

No more sex, no more male attention past 40 unless u are able to afford plastic surgery and hormone replacement lol! It's basically over lol!

Isn't that what pro-life humans are peddling, because they have realized Quantity versus Quality of Life is being taken to task by people in modern times....Now they gotta coin new sayings like "40 is the new 20!" I'm not fooled.....I say, let the men be blessed with a longer life! if they want.....my unwanted self needs to find a way to override the SI....but I wanna burn my money before i go.....To men, I guess i'm just a nurse with a purse.....that's all i am good for now....oh well in my 20's and 30's- it was just good looks and eggs, right? Isn't that what some dude in the manosphere- on youtube said about women? Truly, I heard that message loud, clear, and often for the past 10 years......so nothing really changed, except what I"m being used for now....lol

 

[PrettyMoose]

I don't want to grow old either. Life feels bad now but it can and will get a lot worse with age. Losing everyone you ever knew one by one and having health problems piling up doesn't sound good. To be frail and lonely and waiting for a death that will likely be severely painful... no thanks to that. I'd rather exit in my own way before life gets to that point.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Hi. I am 27 I can't see myself after 30. My intentions are to ctb before turning 30.

 

[Raminiki]

My fear is the degredation of my mental faculties, or other consequences. The comorbid mental health conditions I have, which are chronic, in addition to the medications I've been prescribed past and present, all have negative effects. I'm more likely to suffer dementia or alzheimer's. I already have memory loss and concentration problems. I'm as likely as a smoker to have a heart attack. I'm not looking forward to menopause because I've had hormonal problems since puberty. I have a terrible time every single winter I go through due to SAD and Reynauds syndrome.

No, I don't want old age. I want a dignified death at a time of my choosing and before I lose too many of my faculties. I've never seen myself living beyond my third decade.

 

[itsamadworld]

My fear is the degredation of my mental faculties, or other consequences. The comorbid mental health conditions I have, which are chronic, in addition to the medications I've been prescribed past and present, all have negative effects. I'm more likely to suffer dementia or alzheimer's. I already have memory loss and concentration problems. I'm as likely as a smoker to have a heart attack. I'm not looking forward to menopause because I've had hormonal problems since puberty. I have a terrible time every single winter I go through due to SAD and Reynauds syndrome.

No, I don't want old age. I want a dignified death at a time of my choosing and before I lose too many of my faculties. I've never seen myself living beyond my third decade.

I have Reynauds, and a host of other conditions related to hormones. And I dread aging... I think the modern lifestyle in general is toxic to our systems. One of my siblings had his/her DNA test taken, and it breaks it down into which diseases are likely to be in the gene pool, alzheimers was on the list. That would be a positively dreadful diagnosis, with some ' very honorable' mentions (ALS, Parkinsons, Lewy Body dementia, etc.....) So many people, on TV and in the movies etc, paint a long life as something to be celebrated. They show only the faces of the happy old people, and on the other side, only happy faces of crippled or little starving children....They seldom if ever show the ones who are begging to go....I just find that really interesting.....

 

[BitterlyAlive]

There's a guy who made a whole website documenting how he killed himself because he was satisfied with his life and felt he had experienced enough. He didn't want to grow old and waste away/not be able to take care of himself. I'll have to find the website. I found it to be very well done.

** Edit: Found it. Here it is.

I don't want to live to be 30, let alone 70+. Longevity runs in my family so my natural life would probably be very long. It sounds like torture to me.

One of my siblings had his/her DNA test taken, and it breaks it down into which diseases are likely to be in the gene pool, alzheimers was on the list. That would be a positively dreadful diagnosis, with some ' very honorable' mentions (ALS, Parkinsons, Lewy Body dementia, etc.....)

This is horrifying, and I'm so sorry.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

They say life begins at 40. I wouldn't know, and may not find out, I'm 37.

I'm 42 and it hasn't. Not having any skills doesn't help.
Making friends and meeting women is also impossible.
Luckily for me, I don't care about that stuff as much as I did in my 20's.

I'd rather not see 45.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Knowing my health problems will only get worse with time helps with my decision. People abused as children suffer more health problems than most. The curse never ends.

 

[faust]

Your passport numbers are not you. More important is how you feel. For some people life ends in 20, for some starts at 60. If you are expecting something inevitable, that is a different story, however.

 

[wantingtheend]

mid 60's here and believe me it does suck getting old. So many things that used to be second nature to me are now difficult or impossible and I know this is only the beginning. Worked for a time installing sanitizer/soap dispensers in hospitals and assisted living facilities. What a horrible existence many of these elderly have. No idea who they are, in bed or wheelchair all day, unable to eat or go to the bathroom on their own. I do not want to end up like that. I want to be able to choose when I depart while I am still able to think and have my mind intact

 

[Bct]

I feel you. I haven't even on my 30s but my life is already unbearable. I think most people are considered healthy until their mid-30s when some health issues rise up, then not all of them are privileged to afford the healthcare. It's sad to think people who suffer earlier yet are considered too young to die.

 

[Crazy Squirrel]

I'm going to turn 45 in a few months, and I really don't think I want to experience old age. Aside from all the health issues and whatnot that always come with aging, it just seems that life is becoming more boring, stressful, and pointless. Also, most books and movies feel stale, and it's becoming difficult to relate to the characters because I'm not really young, anymore. I also used to love anime, but the only time I can really relate these days is the rare episode, like "Iyami-san is Troubled" (Osomatsu-san, season 2), where he tries to rope because he feels past his prime and can't really fit in, any more...well, I was never ever popular like he was, but the feelings are still the same. At any rate, my biggest problem is that, even if I make a concrete decision to end it, I doubt I'll be able to override my survival instinct, since I haven't already and I've been on and off suicidal since childhood. Well, maybe climate change and whatnot will force my hand, who knows. Ideally, though, I guess I just wish that euthanasia would be legal and available to all, really.

 

[Lame Old Duke]

Something I've been thinking about for a while now. Cancer is rife in my family, I've watched a lot of family members waste away from it and I know I don't want to end up like that.

Already have arthritis and that's in the family in pain every day and only just turned 40. It's only going to get worse.

So yeah i don't want to waste away or become crippled with arthritis. Want to go as I am now.

 

[Linda]

i turn 45 next month and I'm wondering whether it's worth carrying on at my age,it's only going to get worse!

Age has nothing to do with it. It all depends on your circumstances.

I am 67, have accomplished a lot between age 45 and now, and (for the most part) have enjoyed it. I may ctb eventually, and that has been my intention for decades, but it will be because the end is approaching anyway and I would rather take matters into my own hands than linger alone in a hospital bed for months.