Venting CTB planning, failing, and planning again

[whiteboyswithars]

So I think I mentioned that i've planned to hang myself since mid-april before on this site. For some context, I originally planned to do it on June 10th, but obviously that didn't work. A friend of mine talked me down for the time being, but I still attempted around 3 hours after she went to sleep. I didn't research it right so the way I was trying to do it didn't work. I am now planning to do it in late August, but I am terrified that it won't work. I am at peace with the thought of death and don't see much of a future for myself; I truly don't want to live the rest of my life as the loser I am now. I am going to do more greater research before I do it in August so I don't fuck up (again lol). I am done with failing and having to make new plans, just let me fucking go

 

[HeartSayako]

Avoid rushing into this so much, plan it correctly so you have more certainty that it will work out. But I hope you finally get your rest!!

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish suicide isn't so unnecessarily difficult, it's extreme cruelty to me how people cannot just have the option to die painlessly with no risks or complications, I'd also fear trying to die going wrong and leading to worse suffering. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.