Venting CTB might need to be sooner due to unnerving thoughts. (Goodbye, perhaps.)

[ItsMe-Hecked]

DISCLAIMER: This post could be intense. I am not homocidal. I just hate people.

I'm not lonely anymore. I hate other people. I was okay until someone triggered me two days ago. Before this, I was blissfully ignorant, enjoying my vacation, playing video games by myself. I went to school yesterday and everything spiraled out of control. I was minding my own fucking business, listening to my music when these two assholes sitting next to me started calling me disgusting, robotic (I'm autistic), and other things that I couldn't quite hear, due to my blaring music. The school knows they're actively bullying at least four other people, and they're "working on it". But that's not enough for me. I want them to feel like shit. I'm tired of pretending people who inflict suffering on me and others deserve to cruise by in life, while I am tortured by their evil "cult". Honestly, as I get older, friend groups feel more like cults.

"In modern English, a cult is a social group that is defined by its unusual religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs, or its common interest in a particular personality, object, or goal. This sense of the term is controversial, having divergent definitions both in popular culture and academia, and has also been an ongoing source of contention among scholars across several fields of study."

The friend groups I see have the goal of inflicting suffering onto others; onto me.

Anyway, I can't deal with these thoughts. I get mocked simply for being misanthropic. If I even suggested that maybe some people don't deserve to live if all they do is cause suffering to others - I can't live with that. I can't live that I've become so fucked up that all I want is vengeance. I hate them.


I stood up for myself at school a few months ago by scaring the shit out of the person who was harassing me. She hasn't bothered me since. She's been kind. My school is saying that it was too extreme. Wanna know something weird? I feel no remorse. I liked screaming at her. She deserved it. Like the people I mentioned above, I was one of many students this girl was constantly harassing.

I feel like I'm crazy.


This could very well be considered my goodbye post, as I'm going to be ordering a rope. It'll arrive sooner than the SN, no doubt. Obviously I can't CTB at the current moment.

 

[FuneralCry]

People can be very cruel, I cannot stand people. People just create suffering. I'm sorry you have to deal with awful people, I know that they can make your life much worse. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Onthe29th]

I'm not here to tell you what to do; this is just advice

Don't make rash decisions when your emotions are high because that's when people mess up and I know neither one of us would like that.

Some of my most regrettable decisions were when my emotions are high-just saying.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

I'm not here to tell you what to do; this is just advice

Don't make rash decisions when your emotions are high because that's when people mess up and I know neither one of us would like that.

Some of my most regrettable decisions were when my emotions are high-just saying.

If I CTB, I can't regret it. Also, am I seriously supposed to just let them win? Yeah, they're insecure pieces of literal garbage, and I wouldn't ever want to change places with them due to how disgusting they are as human beings, but I can't them just walk around the school and ruin someone else's life. I need to humiliate them in some way.

 

[Sherri]

The more the World evolves the more awful people are becoming more evil. Im sorry you feel the need to go. Remember it's always fine to stick around a bit longer, I know we are only avatars here, but we care about you and all others who are going through a hard time.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

The more the World evolves the more awful people are becoming more evil. Im sorry you feel the need to go. Remember it's always fine to stick around a bit longer, I know we are only avatars here, but we care about you and all others who are going through a hard time.

Thank you. I just - I can't deal with this. I can't drop my sense of justice to live in an unfair world. It's soul-crushing that these people never receive "karma".

 

[Sherri]

Thank you. I just - I can't deal with this. I can't drop my sense of justice to live in an unfair world. It's soul-crushing that these people never receive "karma".

I'm a Karma believer. Trust me their time will come. I saw many bullies in my school when I was a kid, they not so cool anymore and their lives are miserable. A big hug to you. Think this decision Well ok? No matter what you do I respect your decision. Hugs sweet soul.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

I'm a Karma believer. Trust me their time will come. I saw many bullies in my school when I was a kid, they not so cool anymore and their lives are miserable. A big hug to you. Think this decision Well ok? No matter what you do I respect your decision. Hugs sweet soul.

Thank you. I am leaning towards a quick confrontation tomorrow.

 

[Sherri]

Thank you. I am leaning towards a quick confrontation tomorrow.

Just be safe on that confrontation, don't get hurt.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

Just be safe on that confrontation, don't get hurt.

It'll be verbal, and this person really cannot defend himself if he threw the first punch. Something I forgot to mention: this guy is obviously autistic, as well. An undiagnosed, irredeemable, insecure autistic person, but autistic nonetheless. It's pathetic. I'm going to tell him what I really think of him, and then I'm going to calmly tell him that he's going to stop talking shit. The best-case scenario is where I completely shatter his fragile ego and he cries to his guidance counselor. Worst-case scenario, everyone at the school gets angry, and my parents get called. I'm willing to take that risk.

 

[Foresight]

You have to feel it. You have to because if you deny it then the contradiction will drive you insane. You know that kind of treatment is not right. That doesn't make you crazy. It has to be felt before you can work with it.

I've come to the conclusion that people are victims of their own minds. People have very little control over themselves. Neuroscience supports it, various philosophical ideas support it, and common sense when we look at how chaotic our own minds supports it. I know social isolation and intolerance well. I've study it like my life's work. Most people are flailing around. They act before they think. They are self centered, brainwashed, and projecting their own insecurity. Anyone running their mouth against another when we're all doing our best here should learn that it ain't right.

 

[Of The Universe]

Well,you got friends here.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

Well,you got friends here.

That's true. Thank you.

 

[Onthe29th]

If I CTB, I can't regret it. Also, am I seriously supposed to just let them win? Yeah, they're insecure pieces of literal garbage, and I wouldn't ever want to change places with them due to how disgusting they are as human beings, but I can't them just walk around the school and ruin someone else's life. I need to humiliate them in some way.

If you successfully CtB, you can't regret it. Even if you did, how do you know that you'll get the outcome that you want? If it doesn't go the way you think (and it probably won't) , you would've thrown away your whole 50 day plan for nothing.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

If you successfully CtB, you can't regret it. Even if you did, how do you know that you'll get the outcome that you want? If it doesn't go the way you think (and it probably won't) , you would've thrown away your whole 50 day plan for nothing.

Yeah, that's true. I would much rather just get my SN. But, it's taking too long.