CTB is weirdly hard to time

[whynow?]

Totally new here, but been considering CTB for a while now.

Obviously there's never a "good time" to go through with it, but over the next two months I'm supposed to go to two weddings for close friends (both live across the country), one of which I'll be a bridesman for. Bluntly, I don't want to go to either even though they are good friends; I'm not good company right now, and weddings only remind me of my own (recently) imploded marriage. For context, the last wedding I went to I excused myself to go bawl in the bathroom and could barely keep it together.

I want and plan to go through with CTB, but doing it so close to these dates just feels selfish? I know the pain this will cause the few close friends and family I do have, so I feel horrible causing that pain so close to what is supposed to be a happy day. At the same time waiting for their sake feels like agony, and delaying feels counterintuitive.

Idk, wasn't prepared for how hard to time CTB can be.

 

[Shiitake]

thats life for you.

 

[ArsTenebrae]

It's true, there's never a good time. Whatever we do, we'll always end up finding the downside.

 

[hell toupee]

Is there any way to just be honest with your friends and tell them you are not in a good mental space right now to attend? I mean, if they are honestly good friends, they will understand, as they should want what's best for you. If they don't and give you a hard time, maybe they aren't really true friends?

CTB should always be a last, last resort. Every option should be explored before you make such a very final decision.

I'm sure you have other reasons to want to CTB, but if you feel you aren't ready, you aren't. The decision to CTB should be 100%, no other option available, this is what you want and need.

I'm not trying to downplay your suffering - we all walk our own path in life and I don't pretend to stand in your shoes. However, you posted in a forum looking for a response so I gave you mine.

I think, at the very least, you should reach out and make a plea - obviously not to tell them you want to ctb, but you could still tell them that you are wrestling with some difficulties right now, and it's very serious. You are in a bad headspace and want nothing more than to go there and support your friends, but you aren't in the position to do that at the moment. See how they react. Adjust your plans accordingly.