Discussion CTB is the ULTIMATE leap of faith

[Illegal Preclear]

That's really how it be. Setting aside the fact of the fear and uncertainty of the process itself, all of us who are here, who have accepted that the only way forward is through death, are cosmonauts embarking on the ultimate journey. We are moving to "The Undiscovered Country" as Shakespeare put it. I'm writing this because I want everyone here to appreciate how truly courageous they are to face the absolute unknown. A lot of us are here because we're disabled and no longer have a shot at a viable quality of life. Some of us are here because of external circumstances such as losing loved ones, careers ending or extreme poverty. Some of us are just here because they are just plain dissatisfied with this area of the physical universe we inhabit. As they should be. The first step to true freedom is to realize you're in prison - and this is objectively a prison planet.

I see people here who condemn all existence, and I don't blame them - if life on Earth in this narrow spectrum of visible light in our carbon 666 meat vessels (carbon has 6 Protons, 6 Neutrons and 6 Electrons) was all the existence there is, then existence would absolutely be objectively garbage. But I believe there is so much existence outside of the narrow slit window of the visible light spectrum. Outside of these physical meat bodies. Outside this planet, outside this dimension. Existence in forms we can't comprehend while trapped in these meat vessels.

I've always believed this, from my earliest memories. From my earliest memories I knew I wasn't from this world. There is a real phenomenon of children having "before life memories" that many ascribe to the existence of past lives, but it wasn't even an Earthly past life for me. I had memories as a child of existing in a complete different state of being, in a different world, and I was sucked into an energy vortex and trapped on this planet. I REMEMBER entering "the Matrix". Of course, the Psychroaches diagnosed me with Autism and early onset Schizoaffective Disorder and drugged me up to my eyeballs on top of abusing me so I was done with life before I could even read. But mental illness or not, I've kept this belief alive.

All of us, before we were entrapped on this Prison Planet, existed as PURE ENERGY. For whatever reason, we were taken from that pure state and thrust into 666 meat vessels created by other people trapped in 666 meat vessels reproducing because that's what they're PROGRAMMED to do.

Whether by incident or accident, we here have broken that programming. Attachment to life on this Planet, fear of death, and that PESKY, NASTY SI is like a house arrest anklet tethering us to this prison of the Demiurge (in essence, Satan). I think this is something we should be proud of. You're not CTBing because you are a failure or you're a coward. Your personal fate has lead you to the point where you want to, or have to CTB, because you have a greater journey ahead of you - and to take the first leap of that journey, the act of CTB itself, you're tasked with doing something that requires so much courage. You're defying everything you're forcibly programmed to do and believe on a biological and psychological level - that's hardcore. Really, really hardcore.

When the rope around my neck severs my chains to this Prison Planet, I fully intend to spit in the face of the Demiurge on my way out.

 

[esistzeit]

Ignorant people often say suicidal ones are weak and cowardly. When faced with utter misery do these pretentious people have the courage to kill themselves? I think not. They know nothing. People who condemn suicide have never felt the pain.

I also believe there is more. I am not sure what it is exactly but I am excited to find out. I wrote a whole post about it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wish I could remember where I heard it. I think it was a film or TV series but, one of the characters stated that a real gambler chooses life. I thought that was so weird and incorrect. Death is surely the bigger risk because we have no idea what happens afterwards. Most crap in life we've already seen or seen happen to someone else.

But yeah, I agree. The unknown element to it frightens me. I think it is courageous to face it early. Still- we will be having to face it regardless at some point. We all die sooner or later. Then I suppose it becomes whether you believe the act of suicide has any afterlife repercussions. Personally, I'm hoping for nothing after this. That seems a great deal safer. It would be nicest if we all got to choose for ourselves I suppose.

 

[MountainMan99]

Ignorant people often say suicidal ones are weak and cowardly. When faced with utter misery do these pretentious people have the courage to kill themselves? I think not. They know nothing. People who condemn suicide have never felt the pain.

I also believe there is more. I am not sure what it is exactly but I am excited to find out. I wrote a whole post about it.

Suicidal people are not weak and cowards, it takes big balls to end your life and go through all the survival instinct.

I think that most suicidal people do it because they have been way too strong and have endured way too much pain in this life, and it's a brave act to end it at all despite not knowing what will happen afterwards (if anything happens)

But i also have to give credit to the few people who where suicidal, and decided to live despite of the suicidal thoughts and impulses, i will be honest, in my opinion, that even takes more courage to keep living when your mind wants you to die..

 

[seraph189]

Amazing read

 

[Illegal Preclear]

Amazing read

Thank you! I like to share my thoughts on suicide through a Gnostic lens. Pro-Life insanity makes a lot more sense when you consider we may indeed be ruled by an evil false god who wants as many souls trapped in meat vessels as possible so he can feed off of their suffering! So many people here have been lied to and psychologically abused by the people of this world regarding their intentions to CTB and I just want to shatter as many of those lies as I can. Especially for the many Disabled folks on here like myself.

Ignorant people often say suicidal ones are weak and cowardly. When faced with utter misery do these pretentious people have the courage to kill themselves? I think not. They know nothing. People who condemn suicide have never felt the pain.

To such people, I always remind them of this: Nobody is immune from becoming Disabled. Everyone is one accident away from having their quality of life permanently destroyed. We'll see how they feel about suicide after a drunk driver plows into them causing them to have a catastrophic head injury, leaving them permanently brain damaged, but just conscious enough to realize how brain damaged they are, and that they'll never be the way they were before the crash (while the drunk driver walks away without a scratch just to drive home how unfair the situation is).

But I also believe there is a spiritual, esoteric reason for the knee-jerk reaction pro-life normies have toward suicide. There's a reason they never think about it logically, only emotionally. I believe our DNA is hard-coded to be anti-suicide even when it makes no sense to be because that DNA was coded by a truly evil creator (the "god" of the Old Testament, who is known as the Demiurge by the name of Yaldobaoth). Even then - you don't have to be spiritual about it. If you don't have the freedom to die, you are not free. Period. It's just NOT LOGICAL to force a Disabled person whose quality of life is completely gone to live for the sake of living. Why are we forcing ANYONE to live for the sake of living when resources on this Planet are limited and each human requires resources? A person who wants to be dead making themselves dead is a net benefit on society in a purely logical sense.

There was actually a time when Doctors believed if you could not heal someone, it was their sacred duty to deliver them unto mercy via Euthanasia, but such movements are always crushed.

I wish I could remember where I heard it. I think it was a film or TV series but, one of the characters stated that a real gambler chooses life. I thought that was so weird and incorrect. Death is surely the bigger risk because we have no idea what happens afterwards. Most crap in life we've already seen or seen happen to someone else.

But yeah, I agree. The unknown element to it frightens me.

It frightens me to! But that's what makes it such an adventurous leap of faith. As for the gamble - Disability has completely rotted my body and brain. There are no possibilities for me in life anymore. But in death - that could open the door to unimaginable possibilities for me. The sure bet is, I won't be Disabled anymore!

 

[smaragdyne]

This is one of the most important threads on this website. I couldn't have said any of it better myself. It's always reassuring to know we've managed to "smuggle" this spiritual truth into the fallen material world.

I, too, have found the answers I always sought about the world when I discovered Gnostic philosophy/cosmogony. It seems you're a bigger threat than I am to this "misery factory" we call the universe (that is, you've clearly faced a greater share of setbacks than I). Nonetheless, you still manage to rise above and share gnosis with others.

I would add that we should value this part of our material incarceration; that is, the fact that we can all know some qualities of the unknowable Monad by their emanation down through existence into us, even into this twisted hell created by the jealous false god. The fact is that we can focus our tortured existence on what really matters: regaining peace, unity, love, in this world or the previous.

This is the way to get "payback" for what we've been put through: rejecting the pain and evil of matter and material things. There is really no greater good in an existential sense. If the best way to do that is by catching the bus, then so be it. I hope I've added something worthy of consideration.

Again, great post. (Should be stickied, IMO)

 

[Priestess]

That's really how it be. Setting aside the fact of the fear and uncertainty of the process itself, all of us who are here, who have accepted that the only way forward is through death, are cosmonauts embarking on the ultimate journey. We are moving to "The Undiscovered Country" as Shakespeare put it. I'm writing this because I want everyone here to appreciate how truly courageous they are to face the absolute unknown. A lot of us are here because we're disabled and no longer have a shot at a viable quality of life. Some of us are here because of external circumstances such as losing loved ones, careers ending or extreme poverty. Some of us are just here because they are just plain dissatisfied with this area of the physical universe we inhabit. As they should be. The first step to true freedom is to realize you're in prison - and this is objectively a prison planet.

I see people here who condemn all existence, and I don't blame them - if life on Earth in this narrow spectrum of visible light in our carbon 666 meat vessels (carbon has 6 Protons, 6 Neutrons and 6 Electrons) was all the existence there is, then existence would absolutely be objectively garbage. But I believe there is so much existence outside of the narrow slit window of the visible light spectrum. Outside of these physical meat bodies. Outside this planet, outside this dimension. Existence in forms we can't comprehend while trapped in these meat vessels.

I've always believed this, from my earliest memories. From my earliest memories I knew I wasn't from this world. There is a real phenomenon of children having "before life memories" that many ascribe to the existence of past lives, but it wasn't even an Earthly past life for me. I had memories as a child of existing in a complete different state of being, in a different world, and I was sucked into an energy vortex and trapped on this planet. I REMEMBER entering "the Matrix". Of course, the Psychroaches diagnosed me with Autism and early onset Schizoaffective Disorder and drugged me up to my eyeballs on top of abusing me so I was done with life before I could even read. But mental illness or not, I've kept this belief alive.

All of us, before we were entrapped on this Prison Planet, existed as PURE ENERGY. For whatever reason, we were taken from that pure state and thrust into 666 meat vessels created by other people trapped in 666 meat vessels reproducing because that's what they're PROGRAMMED to do.

Whether by incident or accident, we here have broken that programming. Attachment to life on this Planet, fear of death, and that PESKY, NASTY SI is like a house arrest anklet tethering us to this prison of the Demiurge (in essence, Satan). I think this is something we should be proud of. You're not CTBing because you are a failure or you're a coward. Your personal fate has lead you to the point where you want to, or have to CTB, because you have a greater journey ahead of you - and to take the first leap of that journey, the act of CTB itself, you're tasked with doing something that requires so much courage. You're defying everything you're forcibly programmed to do and believe on a biological and psychological level - that's hardcore. Really, really hardcore.

When the rope around my neck severs my chains to this Prison Planet, I fully intend to spit in the face of the Demiurge on my way out.
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but it wasn't even an Earthly past life for me. I had memories as a child of existing in a complete different state of being, in a different world, and I was sucked into an energy vortex and trapped on this planet. I REMEMBER entering "the Matrix".

Could you tell more about this?

 

[Illegal Preclear]

Could you tell more about this?

From my youngest memories I had this strong and consistent belief that I came from a different dimension and would talk about how I got sucked out of my native dimension through a blue vortex in the sky and trapped in this one. Granted, I went through so much Psychiatric abuse as a child it induced early onset schizophrenia (specifically Schizoaffective Disorder) in me. I don't remember ANYTHING before the age of 6, and my memories between 6 and 10 are far and few between. From what I understand a lot of Autistic children have a belief they are 'not of this world' in some way. I was diagnosed with Autism as a toddler and had I not underwent so much Psychiatric abuse I may have grown up to be just a regular Autistic person and might not even have to CTB but who knows.

The specifics are - I maintained FIRMLY ROOTED in the belief that I was from a different (the exact words I used were) dimension, realm, and world. The specifics are what's interesting. I got very upset if anyone suggested I was saying to them I was an alien from a different planet. I had a strong HATRED for aliens. Like I believed aliens were real and HATED them. It was very strange.

The memories are few, but the childhood memories I have of my "native dimension" were that there were vast forests, people could fly, the sky frequently changed color, and reality just worked differently than here. Like the laws of physics themselves were just different.

The reason I even think about this stuff today at 35 years old is because of dreams. I am not disabled in my dreams and it intrigues the living hell out of me. My brain works in my dreams. I can feel emotions. I can use creativity. I can think clearly. And I do dream about the "other dimension" I had vague images of in my head as a child.

When you have Schizoaffective Disorder, the true Hell of it is you will always be left wondering how many of the thoughts and images in your head are real and which are just hallucinations, delusions, and false data. You will never know. You just have to make a choice of what to believe based on what feels the most real. And what truly feels real to me? That I am not from this dimension/realm/world and I was forced here and imprisoned. Yes I know that sounds batshit. Interestingly enough, the kind of family I came from would absolutely have the means to trap a being from another dimension/realm into a human body.

Yes I know that sounds even more batshit. BUT - research what a Moonchild Ritual is and I think you'll understand what I mean. I unfortunately never had a chance at human life. I was bred to be used for very, very dark things when I was young and then thrown away. But, I never wanted human life. I view CTB as not ending my life, because I never really had one. I view CTB as going back home.

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

I had some strange experiences like this in dreams as a child and during meditation, feeling waves of energy and a bliss I could never feel again so purely. But I don't know if thats what comes after death. Most likely theres just non-existence when I blow my brain out. Thats also fine.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

I had some strange experiences like this in dreams as a child and during meditation, feeling waves of energy and a bliss I could never feel again so purely. But I don't know if thats what comes after death. Most likely theres just non-existence when I blow my brain out. Thats also fine.

You're lucky you get to blow your brains out! That's how I wanted to go, but I'm stuck hanging myself. It must be so relieving to know you'll have a painless death...I'm jealous! But yeah - I'm also okay with non-existence. I think about it like this: Was I 'suffering' from non-existence in the years before I was born? Nope, you can't suffer from non-existence, non-existence is the complete absence of suffering. The beautiful thing about suicide is it's literally the only decision you can make in life that's impossible to regret.

Also, what you describe in your meditation is what people describe they feel during 'out of body experiences'. Pure bliss. Which leads me to believe our energy was never meant to be confined to these meat bodies. We were trapped into these meat bodies by some malevolent force, and programmed by DNA to be intensely afraid of freeing ourselves from them. No matter if another dimension or non-existence awaits after death, it's a lot better than this.

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

You're lucky you get to blow your brains out! That's how I wanted to go, but I'm stuck hanging myself. It must be so relieving to know you'll have a painless death...I'm jealous! But yeah - I'm also okay with non-existence. I think about it like this: Was I 'suffering' from non-existence in the years before I was born? Nope, you can't suffer from non-existence, non-existence is the complete absence of suffering. The beautiful thing about suicide is it's literally the only decision you can make in life that's impossible to regret.

Also, what you describe in your meditation is what people describe they feel during 'out of body experiences'. Pure bliss. Which leads me to believe our energy was never meant to be confined to these meat bodies. We were trapped into these meat bodies by some malevolent force, and programmed by DNA to be intensely afraid of freeing ourselves from them. No matter if another dimension or non-existence awaits after death, it's a lot better than this.

True! There's a beautiful quote about this:

"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
― Mark Twain