CTB in a few days

[potatostripes]

Hey,
I already wrote a thread about my method but I also just wanted to get my feelings of my chest. Every day I feel so much anger that god or something just put me here on earth without giving me a painless opportunity to end my stay. I want to be free again. But that's how it is. And I won't continue my life so I'm planning on killing myself very soon. On the one hand I can't wait to be gone. Finally everything will end. And everytime something bad happens or someone is slightly pissed at me or whatever I just look forward to the day I'll die. But on the other hand I'm so terrified of the idea to kill myself. I just want to run and hide and never come out. I'm scared of the pain and also just feel this general big fear and I don't know how to deal with it. I wish there was an exit-button and I could crawl in the arms of someone who loves me and takes all the pain away. But I try not to focus on the panicked voice in my head. It has to happen and I rather die soon than keep feeling anxious and suffer every day cause I don't dare to do the inevitable.

 

[darksideofthebright]

I am so sorry to hear that life has driven you to this point. With whatever you decide to do, I wish you peace. If you do go on with your method of choice, I hope you have a safe journey. If you change your mind, there is also absolutely no shame in that.