Discussion Ctb for attention

[Thinking]

Sometimes, I feel like the only reason I will actually ctb is to prove to myself that I'm not just saying I want to for attention.

Can anyone else relate?

 

[Deathbydemo]

No, because I don't discuss wanting to die with a single soul in my real life.

who have you told? Are you hoping people will show they care more?

 

[esse_est_percipi]

to prove to myself that I'm not just saying I want to for attention.

Why do you need to prove it to yourself? Do you doubt your own motivations for saying things?
Did you mean prove to other people?

 

[muffin222]

I can't say I relate. I've never explicitly expressed my suicidal thoughts to anyone in real life. I hope you won't ctb solely for the purpose of proving something to yourself because suicidal thoughts and tendencies are born out of so many other sources besides merely wanting attention. Surely something has brought you to this point besides merely wanting attention

 

[yep]

I try to keep it on the down low, but I used to cut myself for attention. There's nothing wrong with it, I always see it as just wanting extra love. showing that your problems are serious and DO need attention. The only difference between cutting for attention and cbting is that you may actually ctb without wanting to.

 

[Thinking]

Why do you need to prove it to yourself?
Did you mean prove to other people?

I've have hinted at it to two ppl but I've never explicitly told anyone, but I just feel like I'm faking it. I feel like if I don't go through with it then I'm just being dramatic.

Like, I've been considering telling a teacher that I have and really like and respect, but I'm worried that she'll think poorly of me bc of it. Then again, she's a mandated reporter:( I've also considered telling my therapist but again, I'm worried she'll think I'm faking it. But at the same time I don't want her to freak out about it.

I'm very torn.

 

[mapletree]

When I was younger someone told me that I was a retarded loser bitch and that they recommended I cut myself because losers did that to get attention. I took their advice because they were very cool and they seemed like they knew what they were talking about but they didn't include the side information that you're supposed to make shallow but very visible cuts, instead I am now an adult with a few weird giant scars because I just kind of went at it. Embarrassing!

Tl dr do not recommend doing things for attention even if people nudge you in that direction especially if it's very visible permanent stuff

 

[BipolarGuy]

Sometimes, I feel like the only reason I will actually ctb is to prove to myself that I'm not just saying I want to for attention.

Can anyone else relate?

I know how you feel.

When you tell people you're feeling suicidal, or if you make a serious attempt, the attention thing comes into play.

But when you're gone, the same people say
"We don't understand how this happened!"

I'm afraid that people can be very thick and very backwards.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I've have hinted at it to two ppl but I've never explicitly told anyone, but I just feel like I'm faking it. I feel like if I don't go through with it then I'm just being dramatic.

Like, I've been considering telling a teacher that I have and really like and respect, but I'm worried that she'll think poorly of me bc of it. Then again, she's a mandated reporter:( I've also considered telling my therapist but again, I'm worried she'll think I'm faking it. But at the same time I don't want her to freak out about it.

I'm very torn.

It's a tough situation. It's always a risk telling someone, as you never know how they'll react. What about telling a close friend?

So you basically think that if you have feelings to ctb, but you don't actually go through with it, then that makes you a sort of fraud?

I would say that you need to try and accept that you have those feelings, that they are valid in and of themselves, but that acting on them is a completely different thing. Not acting on them doesn't mean that the thoughts are any less valid or true.
I mean, we don't act on most of the thoughts or feelings we have, whatever they are.

 

[Thinking]

It's a tough situation. It's always a risk telling someone, as you never know how they'll react. What about telling a close friend?

So you basically think that if you have feelings to ctb, but you don't actually go through with it, then that makes you a sort of fraud?

I would say that you need to try and accept that you have those feelings, that they are valid in and of themselves, but that acting on them is a completely different thing. Not acting on them doesn't mean that the thoughts are any less valid or true.
I mean, we don't act on most of the thoughts or feelings we have, whatever they are.

I guess when you put it that way, it makes sense. Now that I think about it, that's one of the factors that lead me to start cutting. I told myself I was weak and a failure if I didn't do it.

I don't really have a friend who I can tell. One of them I can tell some stuff to, but not too much bc I don't want to trigger them or worry them. I can't tell anyone to the other friend, even though I'm very close to her, because she reported a cousin who was suicidal. No comment on that move, I just don't trust that she wouldn't instantly report me.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I think it might be useful for you to try and distance yourself from those types of thoughts, in the sense of making a clear distinction in your mind between the thoughts and actions based on them, and to tell yourself it's ok just to have thoughts, and it's ok not to act on them too.

But I'm not a psychologist, so don't take that as gospel. And I know that life is a lot more difficult than just taking on board a few sentences written in a message.

Your fear of telling anyone is really widespread. Because we live in a culture that negates and sublimates death, and considers suicide as so taboo and unspeakable, so it's suppressed and categorized by all-knowing psychiatry as deviant or pathological or sign of a diseased mind, when a lot of the time it is actually a natural and rational biological reaction to specific circumstances.

 

[Remember_Me]

I don't really have a friend who I can tell. One of them I can tell some stuff to, but not too much bc I don't want to trigger them or worry them. I can't tell anyone to the other friend, even though I'm very close to her, because she reported a cousin who was suicidal. No comment on that move, I just don't trust that she wouldn't instantly report me.
[/QUOTE]
There's no one size fits all. If something happened to you and you told someone beforehand and they didn't do anything for fear of pissing you off or upsetting you, imagine how they would feel after. But, you need to take a look at what it is that worries you if you were to say something and were to be reported. Is it a fear of being taken to hospital, or embarrassment of drawing attention to yourself, the fact that your choice has been taken away, if only temporarily, that perhaps its easier to say you're going to do it than actually doing it. And you've also got to ask yourself why you would want to talk to someone. Is it because you want help, because you want to be talked out of it, or because it weighs so heavily that you want to share the burden? So many variables.

 

[Thinking]

I don't really have a friend who I can tell. One of them I can tell some stuff to, but not too much bc I don't want to trigger them or worry them. I can't tell anyone to the other friend, even though I'm very close to her, because she reported a cousin who was suicidal. No comment on that move, I just don't trust that she wouldn't instantly report me.

There's no one size fits all. If something happened to you and you told someone beforehand and they didn't do anything for fear of pissing you off or upsetting you, imagine how they would feel after. But, you need to take a look at what it is that worries you if you were to say something and were to be reported. Is it a fear of being taken to hospital, or embarrassment of drawing attention to yourself, the fact that your choice has been taken away, if only temporarily, that perhaps its easier to say you're going to do it than actually doing it. And you've also got to ask yourself why you would want to talk to someone. Is it because you want help, because you want to be talked out of it, or because it weighs so heavily that you want to share the burden? So many variables.
[/QUOTE]
I think there is a part of me that wants to be talked out of it, but I don't think such a thing is possible. So, I want someone to share my burden I guess.
I am most scared of being hospitalized and ESPECIALLY of having my family find out (which would happen if I was hospitalized)

 

[Remember_Me]

Is there a particular thing, or incident, or mental health issue that makes you feel like ending your life? In like is there something that can be worked through with someone who knows how to do that?
Are you close to your family, is it a shame thing if they were to find out you're struggling? Do you think they would rather you be helped and them know, than not know and find you dead? Because shame and guilt are powerful emotions, but they can be overcome rather than passing them on to your family.
But hey you might have a shit family and it's no loss, I don't know.

 

[Thinking]

Is there a particular thing, or incident, or mental health issue that makes you feel like ending your life? In like is there something that can be worked through with someone who knows how to do that?
Are you close to your family, is it a shame thing if they were to find out you're struggling? Do you think they would rather you be helped and them know, than not know and find you dead? Because shame and guilt are powerful emotions, but they can be overcome rather than passing them on to your family.
But hey you might have a shit family and it's no loss, I don't know.

My family would definitely want me to get help, but I wouldn't want them to know I'm struggling because they would be super paranoid about me for the rest of time.
I want to ctb bc the world is an absolutely atrocious place and I don't think I can handle some 60 years more of it. I have zero hope for the future or for this world to ever be q good place.

 

[Remember_Me]

My family would definitely want me to get help, but I wouldn't want them to know I'm struggling because they would be super paranoid about me for the rest of time.
I want to ctb bc the world is an absolutely atrocious place and I don't think I can handle some 60 years more of it. I have zero hope for the future or for this world to ever be q good place.

You know what, I can't argue with that. This world is beautiful, but humans are just sucking the literal life out of it, and are becoming more aggressive, more entitled and more disgusting by the year. Sure they show up every now and then when they have to, but the rest of the time, they're shitting over the Planet, animals, the environment, all in the name of personal choice, my right, and good old patriarchy!! When you ctb do everyone a favour and say exactly why you've done it, because I personally want everyone to know what arseholes most humans are. Take care and peace.