haven't posted here in a bit…
part of my reason for wanting to ctb is starting to turn into a cry for attention. my mental issues have never been noticed—my whole childhood and now as well. i know people whose attempts were noticed and they were sent to mental facilities and they got better. people noticed, and they saw that they were actually going through something. me? i'm just lonely, i just act sad sometimes. my attempts have actually never been successful enough to be noticed by anyone else. i kind of want to do it just so someone around me will finally notice. anyone else feel like this?
Literally me too! I feel the exact same way.... im so lonely!
All through my childhood my parents moved 24/7 (before they split due to abuse) .... and i never got a chance to settle anywhere ....never made any connections at all.... the past year i was in poland at my grandparents isolated house in the middle of nowhere with my mother....i go where she goes.... and it was soooo lonely....
im not kidding when i say this: i actually didnt speak to anyone at all except family for that whole year.....yeah it was bad...
I never even had a gf..... all i want tbh is just for a girl to talk to and notice me.....
tbh i dont even wanna have sex
.... i just want a girl i can be real with and somone who you understand each other with.... and talk to and share feelings......
it really does feel like doing ctb = people would finnally notice and feel bad....
Rn im waiting for a better time to do it since i wouldnt want my mother to think im ungrateful for raising me......
Honestly guilt is the only thing stopping me rn....and my mother......
im also in pretty good shape, train mma (use to a ton) , and im not that ugly....
so i would feel like such an ungrateful piece of shit for choosing to ctb.....
But i rlly understand you....
i know what that feels like....
as if doing it = people finally care and notice and finnally feel bad for you and wish they comforted you.....
I heard a quote somewhere: people give more flowers to the dead than the living because regret is stronger than gratitude
Then again..... you wouldnt feel noticed after you ctb because.... you cant feel anything at all
Speaking of not feeling...... i feel so numb, like i am empty inside ....good luck person
just knowing the kind of person im talking to is a therapist I loose all trust and freak out... I even lost a friendship over this... as embarrasing as it sounds, aging and maturing are 2 seperate things.
"Aging and maturing are 2 seperate things".....very true......were all innocent kids...... kids who grew up..... yet the world treats you worse and more "responsible" .... even though you are the same person.... you dont get noticed as much.....
The therapist part is relatable... it rlly does feel like they are doing it because they are payed to.... and that deep down if you dissapeared they wouldnt ACTUALLY CARE....like yeah sure they would be sad for a bit... but they wouldnt genuinely care .....
Also talking doesnt even fix your problems sadly....
Also i disagree with anyone who says "therapists are good to talk to somone and not feel lonely" because it doesnt feel like somone came to you or is REALLY talking to you....it feels fake...because its their job....and as nice as they are at the end of the day....chances are, if they were not a therpist, they wouldnt have ever wanted to talk to you in the first place.....
Thats just how i feel...and i agree with you/ relate
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