CTB feels Inevitable for me

[cheese.out]

It has been a few months now since my last post bc I tried recovery again. I started taking antidepressants which kinda helped but they fucked up my sleep so I stopped taking them a few weeks ago. Actually for a few weeks I was able to work normally again and I had my opioid consumption under control (didnt take any for a month) but everytime I try recovery - at some point - im starting to loop the same thoughts again and life just seems unbearable. It just seems like even when i manage to live again I know that I will ctb at some point. Did I mention that I started with the opioids again lol. So in conclusion: fuck this.

So yea just had to vent a bit, thanks for reading

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Me too, it's just a matter of when… I'm just tired of existing….

 

[ddn.ctb]

It has been a few months now since my last post bc I tried recovery again. I started taking antidepressants which kinda helped but they fucked up my sleep so I stopped taking them a few weeks ago. Actually for a few weeks I was able to work normally again and I had my opioid consumption under control (didnt take any for a month) but everytime I try recovery - at some point - im starting to loop the same thoughts again and life just seems unbearable. It just seems like even when i manage to live again I know that I will ctb at some point. Did I mention that I started with the opioids again lol. So in conclusion: fuck this.

So yea just had to vent a bit, thanks for reading

It's for very different reason. But I know I am going to die. It's not if, it's when. I feel like I am already dead and I'm just waiting for the elevator doors to open to take me to a different level

 

[DyingToDie123]

I hear you. If I had the guts I'd be gone by now. But I'm a lil wimp lol.

 

[suchaprettygard3n]

It has been a few months now since my last post bc I tried recovery again. I started taking antidepressants which kinda helped but they fucked up my sleep so I stopped taking them a few weeks ago. Actually for a few weeks I was able to work normally again and I had my opioid consumption under control (didnt take any for a month) but everytime I try recovery - at some point - im starting to loop the same thoughts again and life just seems unbearable. It just seems like even when i manage to live again I know that I will ctb at some point. Did I mention that I started with the opioids again lol. So in conclusion: fuck this.

So yea just had to vent a bit, thanks for reading

i relate heavily to this. my fix of choice is binge drinking (currently writing this half a bottle of wine down) every time i think it starts getting better it all just comes crashing downagain. i think i've always known i'd ctb. i really dont envision my life going any other way. its just a matter of time.

here anytime u need to vent <3. i know i need somewhere to let everything out, god knows ive pushed everyone irl away anyway

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I hear you. If I had the guts I'd be gone by now. But I'm a lil wimp lol.

Don't be so hard on yourself. We are all still here even though most of us want to be gone. When or if the time comes you will be able to push through. Many on here who have succeeded took several attempts to actually go through with it.

 

[SeaBreeze]

I think antidepressants should be tapered off like most Rxs, or they could make things temporarily worse.

My escalitopram makes me feel shitty if I miss a dose

 

[cheese.out]

It's for very different reason. But I know I am going to die. It's not if, it's when. I feel like I am already dead and I'm just waiting for the elevator doors to open to take me to a different level

Thats actually a good analogy. But i can definitely relate to this feeling of already being dead - Just waiting for it to happen..