thesilliestgoose
Life is pointless torture
- Jun 20, 2023
- 22
TLDR- I'm planning on ctb via seraquel but it absolutely tears me apart to know what it would do to my bf. I know that if I do this his life will be ruined or even end. I know this because he's told me this himself multiple times and bc I know him very well so he didn't even have to tell me for me to know the aftermath of this for him. I'm posting this half to vent and get this off my chest, but I'm also hoping someone might have any suggestions or solutions even tho I know what will happen to him is inevitable and I am powerless to stop it.
I believe that I've finally found the way I want to ctb. I'm planning on OD on seraquel possibly mixed with a bit of h*roin. I'm fairly certain I have enough seraquel to get the job done but I'm going to do further research to confirm that. From what I understand I am just going to go to sleep and never wake up. Does anyone have any experience with od on seraquel to confirm this? The only problem that I don't know how to get around is what it will do to my bf. If I go through with this I don't know that he will survive it and if he does I'm not sure of the quality of life after this for him. He is chronically mentally I'll and very depressed with suicidal tendencies. He is also a H*roin addict of 6 years. Since we've been dating his mental health, outlook on life, and self worth have gotten tremendously better, we have only been dating for less that a year but we're close friends for years beforehand and lived together for a year now. For me to ctb I fear that he will lose all progress that he's made and lose hope completely. He's even told me himself very recently that this would happen and he would either ctb as well or get way deeper into dr*g ab*use until he died. Not only that but he's the one that has supplied me with the Seraquel since one of his friends is prescribed the highest dose and gave him a great deal on them (he got them for me bc I often struggle to fall asleep/ stay asleep). With him being the one who gave them to me he will most likely feel extremely guilty and that it would be his fault. He said he would already feel that way if I ctb bc he would feel like he could have done more to help even tho he's already done so much more than anyone I've ever known. I'm also really worried that he may have legal repercussions since I got the pills from him. His best friend is currently in prison for 10 years for simply giving someone a ride to sell h*roin to someone and they ended up OD. I live in the US and there are a lot of cases to where they will go after anyone who had a hand in getting the substance to the person who ODs. I'm extremely certain that I want to ctb, there's no question in my mind. I have been chronically suicidal ever since I can remember and have tried to ctb many times in the past. And yes, I've exhausted every Avenue I have access to to make myself okay with life and none have worked at all. I just don't know what to do at all bc I want this so bad and have wanted this for so long but it tears me apart to think that if I do this I'm going to completely ruin or even end the person I care most about in this worlds life. I'm completely at a loss of what to do
I believe that I've finally found the way I want to ctb. I'm planning on OD on seraquel possibly mixed with a bit of h*roin. I'm fairly certain I have enough seraquel to get the job done but I'm going to do further research to confirm that. From what I understand I am just going to go to sleep and never wake up. Does anyone have any experience with od on seraquel to confirm this? The only problem that I don't know how to get around is what it will do to my bf. If I go through with this I don't know that he will survive it and if he does I'm not sure of the quality of life after this for him. He is chronically mentally I'll and very depressed with suicidal tendencies. He is also a H*roin addict of 6 years. Since we've been dating his mental health, outlook on life, and self worth have gotten tremendously better, we have only been dating for less that a year but we're close friends for years beforehand and lived together for a year now. For me to ctb I fear that he will lose all progress that he's made and lose hope completely. He's even told me himself very recently that this would happen and he would either ctb as well or get way deeper into dr*g ab*use until he died. Not only that but he's the one that has supplied me with the Seraquel since one of his friends is prescribed the highest dose and gave him a great deal on them (he got them for me bc I often struggle to fall asleep/ stay asleep). With him being the one who gave them to me he will most likely feel extremely guilty and that it would be his fault. He said he would already feel that way if I ctb bc he would feel like he could have done more to help even tho he's already done so much more than anyone I've ever known. I'm also really worried that he may have legal repercussions since I got the pills from him. His best friend is currently in prison for 10 years for simply giving someone a ride to sell h*roin to someone and they ended up OD. I live in the US and there are a lot of cases to where they will go after anyone who had a hand in getting the substance to the person who ODs. I'm extremely certain that I want to ctb, there's no question in my mind. I have been chronically suicidal ever since I can remember and have tried to ctb many times in the past. And yes, I've exhausted every Avenue I have access to to make myself okay with life and none have worked at all. I just don't know what to do at all bc I want this so bad and have wanted this for so long but it tears me apart to think that if I do this I'm going to completely ruin or even end the person I care most about in this worlds life. I'm completely at a loss of what to do
. Do you have any permanent damage due to taking that much?
