Venting CTB Beliefs

[ctbgurl]

I've never discussed my direct CTB plans with anyone since I usually keep to myself and don't really have people that close to me. My family knows i'm mentally ill, and they know I have these thoughts but I never discuss it with them. When suicide is brought up in conversation, they act like it's a stupid/selfish thing to do. Why do people think this way? I think people with that mindset are selfish themselves. Forcing someone to stay and endure a life they didn't ask for solely so you won't be missing a side character in your life? It's fucked. I'll never be able to discuss my plans with anyone.

 

[jodes2]

Well, I do believe it's both selfish to CTB and to expect someone not to CTB. Either one party will get their wish or the other will. There isn't really a compromise, unless the non suicidal party helps the suicidal party live a better life

 

[ctbgurl]

Well, I do believe it's both selfish to CTB and to expect someone not to CTB. Either one party will get their wish or the other will. There isn't really a compromise, unless the non suicidal party helps the suicidal party live a better life

understandable, though in my case it's quite literally not selfish at all, my family members have never shown true love towards me and i've never been connected with them emotionally. they're just people to me now, due to what i endured from them in my early years. so for my father to say CTB is selfish, it just angers me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Those types of people are very likely blinded by their own privileges and delusions, they cannot understand what it's like to be suicidal, and I believe that accepting suicide as being a logical choice would shatter their worldview, as the thought of someone voluntarily choosing death over life scares them.
And as a result of this they dismiss and invalidate the wish to die. But nobody is obligated to exist and should have to stay here all for the sake of others. If people don't wish to deal with loss then they shouldn't do the shameful and unnecessary thing of choosing to procreate in the first place.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

understandable, though in my case it's quite literally not selfish at all, my family members have never shown true love towards me and i've never been connected with them emotionally. they're just people to me now, due to what i endured from them in my early years. so for my father to say CTB is selfish, it just angers me.

The act of CTB is inherently selfish. It has to be. It doesn't take anyone elses feelings into consideration. It's about you and ONLY you and what's best FOR YOU ALONE. That's the definition of selfish.

 

[ctbgurl]

The act of CTB is inherently selfish. It has to be. It doesn't take anyone elses feelings into consideration. It's about you and ONLY you and what's best FOR YOU ALONE. That's the definition of selfish.

it's not selfish because nobody i know truly cares for me and they never fail to make it known.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

it's not selfish because nobody i know truly cares for me and they never fail to make it known.

That's irrelevant. The act is still about you and what you want for yourself only...................the definition of selfish. There's nothing wrong that CTB is selfish.

 

[ctbgurl]

That's irrelevant. The act is still about you and what you want for yourself only...................the definition of selfish. There's nothing wrong that CTB is selfish.

i disagree :)

 

[locked*n*loaded]

i disagree :)

That's fine. I disagree with you.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I realize we're getting into semantics a little bit here, but I think there's a distinction between "selfish" and acting in your own self interest. Others might call it "selfish" vs. "self-care," though I hesitate to use that term when it comes to ctb.

Selfishness is not merely acting in your own interest, but also implies a lack of consideration for others. (The major dictionaries all seem to include something along those lines.) This doesn't necessarily clear up the issue of suicide, as you can argue that your deciding to kill yourself disregards the feelings of others.

But in practice, I don't find that to be true. I think most people who ctb stay alive much longer than they want to, largely in part because of their consideration for others. It's true of my own story, and I've read countless of other posts from people who are staying for a parent, spouse, or child. But at some point, they finally give in because it becomes too much.

So when they do decide to ctb, does that become a selfish act? Logically, I think it does. But in the context of everything, I'm not so sure.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

o when they do decide to ctb, does that become a selfish act? Logically, I think it does. But in the context of everything, I'm not so sure.

I think unless you're killing yourself for someone else, like if you have a life insurance policy on yourself which, upon your death, will go to your spouse or children who are in desperate need of money, then I think CTB is a selfish act, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

The act of holding off on CTB for a parent, child, spouse, etc does show consideration for others, but is entirely separate from the act of CTB itself.

 

[justwanasleep]

Forcing someone to stay and endure a life they didn't ask for solely so you won't be missing a side character in your life? It's fucked.

Spot on. I couldn't have worded it better myself. I thought of my family as soon as I read this sentence. It's always the ones that don't care or don't make any effort that are the loudest.

 

[ctbgurl]

Spot on. I couldn't have worded it better myself. I thought of my family as soon as I read this sentence. It's always the ones that don't care or don't make any effort that are the loudest.

i agree. they always have the most bold opinions about suicide lol

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Forcing someone to stay and endure a life they didn't ask for solely so you won't be missing a side character in your life?

Spot on. I couldn't have worded it better myself. I thought of my family as soon as I read this sentence. It's always the ones that don't care or don't make any effort that are the loudest.

I think about this with my mother. Truth be told, I don't think I'm a side character in her life. I think I'm her reason for living. I know my death would destroy her. I don't think she would ever feel like she's "forcing" me to stay alive, but in essence, that is what is happening.

I saw Steven Spielberg's "The Fabelmans" earlier this week. The mother, played by Michelle Williams says to her son near the end of the movie: "You do what your heart says you have to. 'Cause you don't owe anyone your life. Not even me." I thought immediately about my situation. My heart tells me that ctb is the only way. And there's no reason for me to feel any obligation to stick around for my mom. But to @locked*n*loaded's point, it does seem selfish of me.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Well, I do believe it's both selfish to CTB and to expect someone not to CTB. Either one party will get their wish or the other will. There isn't really a compromise, unless the non suicidal party helps the suicidal party live a better life

It's so nice to see someone else verbalize this. I agree.

 

[H.O.Xan]

depends on the context, if u r a father/mum who needs to care for their kids then yh, otherwise no, it's not selfish and it's only normal to see after a while life is full of suffering. Keeping us alive would be akin to Gus Fring keeping hector alive to suffer for the rest of his life

 

[jigsaw_falling]

I've never discussed my direct CTB plans with anyone since I usually keep to myself and don't really have people that close to me. My family knows i'm mentally ill, and they know I have these thoughts but I never discuss it with them. When suicide is brought up in conversation, they act like it's a stupid/selfish thing to do. Why do people think this way? I think people with that mindset are selfish themselves. Forcing someone to stay and endure a life they didn't ask for solely so you won't be missing a side character in your life? It's fucked. I'll never be able to discuss my plans with anyone.

i don't think suicide is selfish, i understand what some people mean when they say that, but the phrasing is so bad. it's passing the blame onto the suicidal person. i get really annoyed when people say things like that, it definitely gives me the impression that they don't have compassion or empathy for those who are suffering.

however, i think that some people don't want us to just stay alive so we can be sure characters in their life. ofc there's those like that, but i believe that there's also people who don't want us to ctb because they honestly care. and care about our lives, and how if we ctb, then they'll grieve over the loss of our own lives, and not just the loss of us in their own.

 

[ctbgurl]

I think about this with my mother. Truth be told, I don't think I'm a side character in her life. I think I'm her reason for living. I know my death would destroy her. I don't think she would ever feel like she's "forcing" me to stay alive, but in essence, that is what is happening.

I saw Steven Spielberg's "The Fabelmans" earlier this week. The mother, played by Michelle Williams says to her son near the end of the movie: "You do what your heart says you have to. 'Cause you don't owe anyone your life. Not even me." I thought immediately about my situation. My heart tells me that ctb is the only way. And there's no reason for me to feel any obligation to stick around for my mom. But to @locked*n*loaded's point, it does seem selfish of me.

Honestly depends on the circumstances. I've endured abuse from 90% of my family members and 100% of my close family. I genuinely feel like ctb wouldn't be selfish of me. But it's different in everyone's situation.

 

[prone2fury]

i think it's seen as selfish because a successful ctb will place some burden on those around you i.e. emotional pain and the grieving process. but a lot of people focus on that alone and become hostile. pretty gross

 

[locked*n*loaded]

And there's no reason for me to feel any obligation to stick around for my mom. But to @locked*n*loaded's point, it does seem selfish of me.

To put everything out there into the open, I DID stick for around for my mom because I knew she needed me. She had no one else, was home bound, didn't drive, had no way to get food for herself, that kind of thing. And I knew I was pretty much her only reason for living, as her sister had died, as well as all of her friends. She was the best person I have ever known in my life. Her heart was pure kindness to everyone. I couldn't have left her to try and fend for herself in some unknown way. She was a great mom and deserved better than that. She had serious health conditions, yet still lived by herself in my childhood home. Things got hard for her the last several years of her life, but she kept going, doing what she could. She mostly still fended for herself. When I would cook, of course I would bring her food for several days, but mostly, she fended for herself. I just had to go to the store for her and bring it in. She live 88 years, almost 89. She was a tough woman and if she wanted to continue living, I, at least, owed it to her to do everything I could to make it easier for her.