CTB before x-mas, thoughts?

[FML2019]

I'm trying very hard to not ctb before Christmas and ruin the holidays for everyone. My pain is deep and I'm ready to go now. Is it shallow of me to want to go now regardless of holidays? Is anyone else in the same boat?

 

[noctiva]

Yes, I'm with you. I am thinking of Christmas myself, I'll be alone while everyone else is having a great time with their families.. But that means that I need to send the delayed emails on the 25th,and I know it will hurt someone I love very much, even though he doesn't want me around in life. I'm debating if his or my pain is worse. The question is.. Do I force myself through the pain of Christmas and New Years, or do I end it on the 24th? I don't know. I am so torn and agonising over the problem.

 

[Chocolover15]

Same here. I have everything all set up, just waiting for a right moment to ctb but i don't want to ruin my family's view of Christmas. I don't know what to do too :<. I wanna ctb so bad right now. And I worry that if i wait until christmas is over, something would happen that would prevent me from ctbing.

 

[Meant2Die]

Just a helpful side note: people have been making these exact threads since the beginning of Dec, and even before thanksgiving just talking about the holidays in general. If you look through the pages you'll def find some there. You'll find my answer there in many variations as I feel like I've answered this a dozen times :)

But to sum it up, you're not wrong for wanting it bc you're suffering and the fact that you care about others just shows what good person you are.

 

[FML2019]

Yes, I'm with you. I am thinking of Christmas myself, I'll be alone while everyone else is having a great time with their families.. But that means that I need to send the delayed emails on the 25th,and I know it will hurt someone I love very much, even though he doesn't want me around in life. I'm debating if his or my pain is worse. The question is.. Do I force myself through the pain of Christmas and New Years, or do I end it on the 24th? I don't know. I am so torn and agonising over the problem.

That is literally the exact position I am in as well. I know it's going to hurt her but I'm miserable. My entire family is gone though, I'm worried about friends and the love of my life, even though they also want nothing to do with me.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

In all honesty: it doesn't matter what day you are gonna ctb your loved ones will be hurt and grief any way.
It couldn't have been avoided to die around Christmas / New Years eve if you were terminal ill or passed away naturally, what I'm trying to say is: you're suffering mentally, if you're completely sure and feel like ctb then yeah

 

[FML2019]

In all honesty: it doesn't matter what day you are gonna ctb your loved ones will be hurt and grief any way.
It couldn't have been avoided to die around Christmas / New Years eve if you were terminal ill or passed away naturally, what I'm trying to say is: you're suffering mentally, if you're completely sure and feel like ctb then yeah

I've made my decision. I'm trying get my ticket right now.

 

[DoodleBug]

Its impossible to have a "proper" timing when it comes with ctb. There's always going to be tears and grief, yet christmas seems to be a symbol of merry relaxation and an abandoning of daily troubles for a at least a little bit. If you commit to leaving before x-mas, then they're going to be horrible for your close ones. Ctb after might ruin the image of christmas for them forever, since they were unaware of your plans and everything only "seemed" ok. Of course, I don't know your entire story and what it entails, but we're all human. Death always leaves its mark.

Ctb is ctb regardless of when it happens, anyway. When one decides to accelerate the instance of their death, then thoughts of empathy and concern are a good sign. You don't want people to suffer as you've suffered and death will forever remain a touchy...subject...thing...yeah...

When we're dead, there's a really good probability that the circumstances and the timing of our death are not going to matter at all to us. It's an escape from a burning building straight into the void, or at least this is how I see it, excuse me if it got edgy.

I've made my decision. I'm trying get my ticket right now.

Whatever your decision turns out to be, I hope you're making it as informed and thought-out as it can be. Life isn't easy but so is leaving it. I wish you best of luck, no matter what happens.

 

[isam]

I wish to be gone just before Christmas too.. I don't want to face all my family. I can't handle that.
But it depends only if I receive my SN 'till then. I praying with everything I can.
And concerning the Christmas/new year time, I already did my first attempt the day of my birthday last year so..

 

[Jean4]

If this helps. My partner CTB 9 days ago (but who is counting?)

I never celebrated Christmas before and he knew that. A few days after his death, I received in the mail a goodbye message saying everything you never told me when he was alive (he wasn't one to show emotions or feelings) and a Christmas gift.

I personally don't believe the saying one shouldn't CTB during the time of important events. If you love someone, the survivors don't give a damn when it is. It's going to hurt.

My thought is, I am in the greatest pain I have ever had. However, his pain was greater than mine. Otherwise, he wouldn't have left. It is more important to me for him to be out of pain than my own.

The greatest Christmas gift is he is now out of pain.