Help CTB before my brother’s birthday, what do I do?

[miu]

My brother's birthday is in the middle of May. I was planning on CTB'ing as soon as possible (likely before his birthday).
In a way, I feel like this should be an obvious choice because I love my brother a lot; he's one of the kindest souls and has a heart of gold. Everyone loves him. He's smart, charismatic, witty and especially considerate of others.
My brother and I are polar opposites despite looking alike, but we practically share the same braincell whenever we hang out.

It makes me a bit sad typing this because even though I enjoy being around him, this is something I need to do for the sake of my own future. I know he has a bright future ahead of him, and I don't want him to associate his birthday with my suicide to top with the trauma. Also, given that he's 16 makes him especially vulnerable to this.. god, I don't know. It's going to mess him up either way. Can someone please share me insight of their own experiences?

 

[bluville]

Hm, yeah that's a tough one. At the end of the day its your choice and CTB should be for you for before anyone else. But to be brutally honest I would say that doing it in his birthday month would almost definitely have a lasting impact. It would regardless, but around his birthday would add to it. Personally, I would hold it off for a bit

 

[MildlyBetter]

I think that you should make that decision based on when you yourself are ready, not for others, but in cases like this I would say to try and hang on as long as possible till a bit after his birthday, it would suck to ruin what would probably be an otherwise happy date for him.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all, only you can decide what you should do. It's a completely personal decision. Nobody is obligated to delay their inevitable fate and the fact is that grief and loss are just a part of existing here, I think that death would upset people at any time but the fact is that we all have to die and lose everything someday.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

My brother's birthday is in the middle of May. I was planning on CTB'ing as soon as possible (likely before his birthday).
In a way, I feel like this should be an obvious choice because I love my brother a lot; he's one of the kindest souls and has a heart of gold. Everyone loves him. He's smart, charismatic, witty and especially considerate of others.
My brother and I are polar opposites despite looking alike, but we practically share the same braincell whenever we hang out.

It makes me a bit sad typing this because even though I enjoy being around him, this is something I need to do for the sake of my own future. I know he has a bright future ahead of him, and I don't want him to associate his birthday with my suicide to top with the trauma. Also, given that he's 16 makes him especially vulnerable to this.. god, I don't know. It's going to mess him up either way. Can someone please share me insight of their own experiences?

It sounds like you place a lot of value on his well-being too. Individual autonomy is the whole idea here, so if part of your own autonomy is wanting to choose things that will leave him happy, then maybe it is worth it to hold off a bit, and while you are at it do something cool for his birthday he'll remember fondly one way or another. It seems like that would give you more peace of mind. No pressure of course, just something to consider.

I think it's really cool you are trying to be that kind of a sibling, for what it's worth. I've never had that great of a relationship with my siblings. It's okay I suppose, but nothing special. I wish I had a sibling more like you.

 

[m1v]

I have a similar situation, and the first thing that went through my mind is: I don't want to traumatize them even more than I already am. I think it'll be better to enjoy your last moment with him on his birthday and then proceed to go in the following days. Again, that's a choice only you know, I wish the best for you and your family. Stay safe.

 

[prtsn]

i dont mean to sound rude, but either way is going to hurt people around you. The decision should come only from you, when you feel is right to do it.

 

[miu]

It sounds like you place a lot of value on his well-being too. Individual autonomy is the whole idea here, so if part of your own autonomy is wanting to choose things that will leave him happy, then maybe it is worth it to hold off a bit, and while you are at it do something cool for his birthday he'll remember fondly one way or another. It seems like that would give you more peace of mind. No pressure of course, just something to consider.

I think it's really cool you are trying to be that kind of a sibling, for what it's worth. I've never had that great of a relationship with my siblings. It's okay I suppose, but nothing special. I wish I had a sibling more like you.

I have a similar situation, and the first thing that went through my mind is: I don't want to traumatize them even more than I already am. I think it'll be better to enjoy your last moment with him on his birthday and then proceed to go in the following days. Again, that's a choice only you know, I wish the best for you and your family. Stay safe.

i don't think you two realize just how much this means to me. thank you both so much. i immediately teared up when i read this. it's a dilemma that's been distressing me for a week now, and this is exactly what i needed to hear. i'll hold on for a little longer and be there with him while i still can - thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

i don't think you two realize just how much this means to me. thank you both so much. i immediately teared up when i read this. it's a dilemma that's been distressing me for a week now, and this is exactly what i needed to hear. i'll hold on for a little longer and be there with him while i still can - thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

You're most welcome, glad I could help in some way. Giving advice in a general way isn't so different from battling depression: it's a stumbling in the dark, hoping you find the right path. I can't ever know I'm saying what someone needs to hear, I just follow my heart and hope it guides me and them to the right place. Would love to hear how things go for the birthday later if you feel like sharing. No pressure of course.

 

[SpiderLink]

My brother's birthday is in the middle of May. I was planning on CTB'ing as soon as possible (likely before his birthday).
In a way, I feel like this should be an obvious choice because I love my brother a lot; he's one of the kindest souls and has a heart of gold. Everyone loves him. He's smart, charismatic, witty and especially considerate of others.
My brother and I are polar opposites despite looking alike, but we practically share the same braincell whenever we hang out.

It makes me a bit sad typing this because even though I enjoy being around him, this is something I need to do for the sake of my own future. I know he has a bright future ahead of him, and I don't want him to associate his birthday with my suicide to top with the trauma. Also, given that he's 16 makes him especially vulnerable to this.. god, I don't know. It's going to mess him up either way. Can someone please share me insight of their own experiences?

For me, it would have to be a couple months before their birthday. Or after their birthday, so they can at least enjoy their birthday. It's tough.