Ctb because I am a burden

[FireFox]

I feel like a burden on my family. My family never say I am a burden . Every day I feel like I am because what good am I if I don't have a job . I am so stupid I can't do anything right.
I am 23 I know nothing. You are supposed to know everything when you are adult
I don't know how to pay a bill , my mum fixes my laptop like today, I get frustrated when things don't work properly

I am extremely sucidal because I have nowhere to turn to and can't ever see my life changing. I wish I had an older sister to guide me through life . I hate being the oldest so much

I envy people who work because they have something to go to in the morning and a reason to wake up . I can't sleep at night as I don't see the point I have nothing wake up for .

I get rejected for everything even minimum wage. It makes me cry so much .

I would rather work in low paying than be on welfare . In the UK being on welfare your seen as failure . I hate being on universal credit
Imagine graduating from university and then ending up on welfare .

I can't talk to people anymore because I don't have a job. I avoid people I know in public because I don't have a job.

It's everything

I failed to be society standard of being an adult Which involves having a job, partner and place of my own. It makes cry so much I failed to be a real adult

They will better off without me . I don't care if they will devastated because I do is cause problems. If I am dead there no more arguing, no more nosey relatives asking what I have been doing lately ,

I am the problem . This not life worth living

I have lost the will to live .
I am going kill myself with the largest overdose possible we are looking over 150 pills from various medicines
If not charcoal in an tent in some wooded area.

I can't take this anymore

I will give anything to be happy.

I ruined my entire life this is the best option and truly my ticket to freedom

I am not young anymore

 

[Shinbu]

Bump

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Why do you think you would automatically know everything when you became an adult? You have to read a lot if you want to know things. Put in the work. Things don't magically happen. Stop being naive.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Your family does not specifically say you are a burden. It is YOU that feels that way...
When you are an adult, you don't magically figure things out and some damn adults never mature, LOL.
This is a shitty way to feel, I get it. I've been 23 before. 23 is young. Really, it is. There's plenty where I live that don't have the right education, skills, tools, or know how to pick up shit after themselves, LOL.
Do things at your pace and try not to compare...easier said than done....but you must start from taking the necessary steps whether it be to get a job or ctb....

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Your family does not specifically say you are a burden. It is YOU that feels that way...
When you are an adult, you don't magically figure things out and some damn adults never mature, LOL.
This is a shitty way to feel, I get it. I've been 23 before. 23 is young. Really, it is. There's plenty where I live that don't have the right education, skills, tools, or know how to pick up shit after themselves, LOL.
Do things at your pace and try not to compare...easier said than done....but you must start from taking the necessary steps whether it be to get a job or ctb....

Your LOLs completely undermine your good advice.

 

[Lorntroubles]

@Close_to_freedom we are analyzing my writing style, now? I'm happy with what I wrote.

 

[krsu]

I feel like we are in the same situation ;w; also im the same age as you which is neat and im also a failure.

 

[Sadkitty]

Your LOLs completely undermine your good advice.

At least they are trying to help.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

It's not your fault, even though these words sound empty. I know how it feels and I always fear those awkward questions when I'm interacting with people.

 

[Fml]

I can relate to you on so much but I'm older, 30. I've done a year and half of university but stopped because I had a really bad depressive episode so I'm hoping to carry on with it again in October this year. I read on your other post addressed to your future husband that you have graduated in a Law degree, wow....I think that is amazing! That's some achievement! I know you said here in the UK that it doesn't automatically mean you get to be a lawyer if you have a law degree but I'm sure that's a great thing to put on your CV. You must obviously be very smart and determined so please don't let that go to waste. I'm also jobless and have been on benefits for years and it fucking sucks big time! Also, I absolutely hate bumping into people I used to know and them asking what I do for a living, so awkward....... I don't reply to a lot of posts but I felt so alike to you that I had to reply. If you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate to contact me!

 

[Cashewmilk]

The sad thing is that everything this poster is saying is true. If you don't have a job and can't do anything for whatever reason (invisible disability, mental illness anxiety), you're totally not important and not wanted, not deserving of anything, definitely a burden. Now you can try to change it, you can get help and get treatment, and move on, or you could ctb, or you could keep going down further like me and end up lower than rock bottom, and then try to ctb again.

 

[Shinbu]

I don't meet the standard of being a successful adult either. I'm a NEET, with mental issues. I can't take care of myself, and I don't care about almost everything I don't have besides nonexistence.