I'm planning to go out on Christmas Eve hopefully. The only thing that's really holding me back is my pet cat that has been my shadow throughout these last 3-4 years as everything has fallen apart. I'm not sure how she will adapt to a new owner even if her new owner is super nice. She seems to have a phobia of other people like I do, and has never bonded with someone else, even my Ex when we were living together for a couple years. I have more than one method at hand, but I truly hate the idea of having my cat wondering where her Daddy is once I leave...pets are truly pure and sacred in my eyes more so than humans, so it's kind of still tethering me here, even if I know I won't be thinking this way once I leave.
As for family, I have one, but have no qualms about ruining Christmas for them, because there all toxic as f*ck, yet also any other human being, as who in this forum asked to be given the conditions that led them to this forum, and moreover, who gave us the option of even coming into this world or not? If I had kids of my own then yes! I would stick it out to see to it they get raised and develop into happy adults.
In my own situation leading up to this point, every time I've asked for help for my issues, it was all a big attention seeking maneuver and I was demanding attention, or I was fed neuroleptics so that I couldn't think coherently about anything or formulate any plans. I guess I'm jaded by years of getting brushed off.
I can understand that feeling of hesitation about leaving a bad impact on others though, I used to feel the same way not so long ago.
For people in this thread wondering about how to trip up their survival instinct, there's certain NMDA antagonists which are analogues of Sernyl(PhenylCyclohexylPiperidine), that depending on your country are legal to obtain for research purposes. It has to be a PCx analogue (PCP, PCE, etc) with no nervous system depressant effects. Ketamine wouldn't work, if you're planning on doing a manual method or jumping off something high, because you'll need the coordination which a close to surgical dose of Ketamine wouldn't allow, as it's a sedating dissociative aneasthetic, where the PCx analogues or PCP itself is stimulating. I'm mentioning this as I think some people might not have access to more discreet and less messy methods and mostly everywhere human euthanasia is still illegal.
I really don't consider this issue of human impact relevant in my mind, as it's not our fault that most of The Government's running this world still haven't allowed for less messy ways to CTB, and we have to smuggle in the discreet cocktails needed to make our deaths look more peaceful, and less traumatic for whoever eventually discovers us.
