Method CTB 3 weeks today.

[Pinkdonut]

Hi, this is my first post, although I have been here with you all reading, albeit with no input.

I have attempted suicide several times over the last two years.. all attempts via prescribed medication I have saved up..
Sodium valporate, olanzapine, metazapine, quitaiapain.
Each attempt only resulting in someone finding me passed out and being admitted to hospital.
I always wondered when attempting suicide via this method if I knew there was a chance of being saved.

This time I have settled on jumping at beachy head in the UK.
I have read numerous posts on SN etc but I feel it would be very hard to come by in a discreet manner.. what I mean is I'm worried about the post being intercepted. Maybe a little paranoid.

So beachy head.. in my mind it is a guarantee that landing head first on the rocks below will be instant and "painless"..
My worry has been that I'd get there and be too scared to jump, or that my body/ brain won't physically let me go through with it.

I have decided to take as many steps possible to ensure that once there on the day I will have little choice but to just force myself if need be.
I am quitting my home, I will withdrawal all the money I have from my bank, and I will have the most amazing day money can buy.. go and eat nice food, maybe catch a film, get drunk, maybe hit a casino, smoke a lot of cigarettes (I'm an ex smoker).. book into a hotel for the night and just before sunrise see through my plan to leave this world.

Strangely enough I'm oddly excited and very at peace with my decision.

 

[_Minsk]

sad to see another one planing to go, wishing you a good time and some well deserved last happy days/weeks donut!

 

[BipolarExpat]

@Pinkdonut

I'm sorry that life has been so challenging


Please be careful with posting timelines, especially regarding such a public and well known location.

I understand your need to share, etc. and I'm glad your decision has given you some relief but going forward watch yourself and don't document your plans with too much detail.

For your safety ;)

Best

 

[Pinkdonut]

@BipolarExpat

Thank you for the advice..
I didn't think at the time of writing about posting dates locations etc.. kind of a recipe for disaster.
So I'll be more choosing in what I say in any further posts .

Thanks