Crying is overdone

[lysergamide]

I want my laughter to haunt people when I die.
When I go to work I m so stressed out but I always laugh until I snap.
I think my laughter is really beautiful and I want to perpetuate this, laughing even if I have a pile of shit to take care of in a limited time, even if the people I have to handle are a handful, I always find something to laugh at and when I die, I want people to remember that I laughed.
I don't wanna cry anymore, that's so overdone.
I really hope to die soon, dying is so scary though.

 

[spoonfed]

I've cried for what felt like forever, to a point where you can no longer shed a tear but that feeling stays and I just get numb. I laugh and joke all the time but it's just masking the real failure that I have become over the years. I can't think of anything that I'd want to be remembered about I just want to die. I don't want to be here haven't for a long time my last truly serious effort was 5 years ago I've cut a lot since then but I know what awaits me and I'm fine with that I've lost almost everything that I ever wanted or needed and there's nothing else I can do about it. Dying is the only thing I can believe in it's a permanent option to a permanent problem. Dying is scary and your own body will try and force you to stop but I'm happy enough with the method I've got and had a couple of run throughs to check it will work. The procrastination about getting up in a morning is hard enough right now, so to add on the extra steps to my day unfortunately I don't have the energy to do. All I want is for everything to be over with and I go to bed at night hoping beyond hope that I don't wake up and every morning I wake up with a heavier sigh thinking about going through it all over again and I can't cry there are no more tears but my body is screaming at me to stop the pain, just stop all the pain.