Venting COVID is the straw that broke this camel's back

[immrw]

Caught COVID in October and haven't been the same since. Chest pains, difficulty breathing, extreme fatigue. I haven't gone to a doctor yet to assess my condition, but I know my heart isn't doing well. My resting heart rate jumped from 60bpm pre-infection to 85bpm post-infection. I can barely walk 10 minutes and stairs damn near kill me. It's been three months and really no improvement.

I've attempted CTB in the past, and started on a new "healing" journey. Now, though, I'm losing my steam. I know another infection might mean cardiac arrest or being put on a ventilator. I've been masking, but even in a progressive city, no one else around me does. I'm honestly getting very suicidal again.

I hate this back and forth between wanting to act like everyone else around me and knowing that catching it again won't be just a flu for me. I'm passing up on opportunities to possibly make friends because I don't want to be in a crowded restaurant, gym, or museum. I'm supposed to give a research talk at a conference, but it scares the shit out of me knowing I'll be in a room with 75 people, unmasked, for 5+ hours.

At what point do I just accept my life is over now. I can't go back to my life before COVID, it might literally kill me. Can't I just speed the process up and CTB? No one around me understands. They think I'm exaggerating. I feel so alone. Even the people who "care" about me don't care enough to validate my experience. I'm 23 but I think it's just time to call it quits.

 

[LocalAngel]

I very very heavily relate. I have risk factors that make me high risk, but due to me isolating, i haven't caught it yet. My family however doesn't care. I go out on car rides, and literally everyone is without a mask, unless mandated. It's honestly leaving me wanting to CTB; this doesn't feel like living, feeling forced inside. And yet, so terrified that I can't leave.

i say all of this to let you know know that, at the very least, someone here understands completely. This shit is awful. I'm also 23, which is a weird coninsidence.

 

[elephantshoe]

very similar situatuon. was happy and active before getting the rona in october. now i'm constantly exhausted, at home 24/7, on the couch most of the day. no working, no studying, no cooking, just waiting. seen a few doctors, they dont find anything (common in long covid patients). constantly worried about reinfection through family members. recently finished my goodbye letters, will start practicing my method soon. i advice anyone with long covid to have an exit method ready in case of getting to a point of no return through reinfection or crashes. all the best to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to experience, it's just so incredibly unfair how a disease like that can cause so much harm, but anyway it's really understandable wishing to be free from all suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Sakura94]

I'm really sorry seen bad effects of covid so know it is bad it gets. Please though see a doctor first to look it all over and then consider your options. Best of luck.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

I completely relate to your situation. I've never been the same since I caught it in October 2021. There are Long Covid Services in all areas now. Ask your GP to be referred. Unfortunately there's no cure but they can help you to manage your symptoms. Nobody understands unless they have gone through it themselves.

 

[guayabas]

The vaxx messed my body up badly for 6 months, it's been a year now and I'm still not back to 100%. I am terrified to get covid. My friends who were so careful at the beginning of the pandemic are now telling me to stop letting it control me. They had little to no reaction to the vaccine, like, ofc they get to feel that way. They're not already physically disabled. They're not already in constant pain, they don't already lose mobility whenever they have a bad flare. I get so upset that they're just like "it doesn't effect me so get over it." They didn't feel that way before they got vaccinated, they wanted everyone to mask up for the greater good. Now they wanna try to shame me for protecting myself bc no one wants to be careful for the greater good anymore.

there's just been so many ways I've seen even close friends of mine, who claim to care about disabled ppl, be so incredibly insensitive and selfish since covid. Like at the beginning of the pandemic, they were all up in arms demanding universal income and rent/eviction freezes, etc. I kept being like, "this is what it's like for many disabled ppl already, we can't work, we're stranded at home, we're homeless or on the verge of homelessness at all times. Please mention us and consider us when the pandemic no longer effects you." No one would. Many ppl unfriended me bc I kept mentioning that their actions are disproportionately harming disabled ppl. They say they care about social issues, so I thought they'd care, but they don't and idk how to cope with that. It's just incredibly depressing that ppl I trusted care so little about me and other ppl like me.

anyways, sorry not trying to make it all about me, just trying to relate and let you know you're not alone

 

[Life interrupted]

I have long covid too and I haven't worked for 20 months. I'm going back to work tomorrow and I'm scared of catching it again. I can't believe I'm going back there with unmasked people who think covid is just like the flu. I suffer from PTSD after all I've gone through and can't afford to go through another hell