Saga
In my memories a smiling me doesn't exist
- Jul 20, 2019
- 175
if i were to die i want natural causes and for my family to just suffer so bad because when you die of the virus your family wont get to see you let alone bury you...and weirdly i want to feel the pain of the virus......Maybe getting some opiates to not have to feel the pain, and slowly leaving..
that would be epicHow about saying you were hearing the voices which were telling you to kill yourself? You did not kill yourself, these were only voices. Such a redirection of responsibility!
It doesn't to me i will be so happy that im going to finally die vs going back and fourth for years trying to find a method to do it. Then when i get to that method survival instinct fucks everything up like usual. Since March I've been waking up everyday mad that i still didnt get the virus and have told myself hurry up and get it before they start having restrictions. I live in NY, even in the area New Rochelle where the first guy had it. So all I literally had to do was walk to a store and get it. Even my uncle got it and he was trying to come over but I said no. Idk why the fuck i did that but i regret it. To this day im still contemplating getting the virus but now i know its literally impossible because no one is out and cases are flattening. Im am so depressed now. Main reason why i didnt get it i live with my father he has asthma and heart problems so yeah that was the main reason why i didnt spring into action otherwise I would've got it a long time ago. But im thinking about trying one last time I obviously have to go drive down to a motel and pretty much go in a hospital or follow someone from a testing site to get it if any one has any other suggestions that would he great? Another last thing i heard this virus does affect the brain meaning people can get a stroke thats something im very scared of getting bc if i dont die i will be paralyzed. Being alive paralyzed with mental issues is worse than hell itself. But idk basically the only thing that stopping me now from getting it is the risk of me not dying and then being disabled for life like i dont have enough problems as it is. Why the fuck is ctb so hard euthanasia should be legal everywhere. I mean after this virus is over the amount of suicides that will happen will increase theres been so many people for example this one lady lost not just her husband but her son too. Shes alone and guess whats going to happen to her shes probably either going to ctb, then fail, then wind up in psych ward, the fucking evil doctors will give medications to her like its candy, fucking her brain up and then she'll be fucked up like us waiting for a way to die. Im sorry for the long post but im so over life.Even if I actively wanted to end my life (which I don't) I would not wish covid 19 on anyone, or myself. I have watched it slowly kill people first hand in the line of work I do, and it's not pleasant at all. The most common thing we hear is that it literally feels like you're drowning with every breath, hence the coughing. Sounds pretty horrible to me.
Not true alot of young healthy people are dying from this...Very unlikely that it will kill you if you aren't 70+.
But instead you will have high temperature and you will be locked in with someone making sure that you can't go anywhere..
I have thyroid problems so theres thatI wouldn't recommend catching covid 19/corona virus. Yes there's a chance of dying, but there's also a chance you'll recover from it even without being in a hospital. There are people who have it and show no symptoms. So it's like hit or miss with it.
Do you think im out of luck since its pretty much over in NY?@Buffy5120
It's mostly people with respiratory conditions who are most vulnerable. Maybe your case since it's an endocrine problem. Can't quite say.
Italy has a high death rate and was really bad prepared.Not true alot of young healthy people are dying from this...
Alot of Americas have health problems and are overweight. The numbers are drastically different over here because of obesity rates in America. Im assuming its not the same in ItalyDo you think im out of luck since its pretty much over in NY?
I have thyroid problems so theres that
my biggest fear is to become THIS isolatedWhat is covid 19??
(J/K)
Im not planning on going to a hospital at all. Im going to be in a motel the whole time. Im just hoping i dont get a stroke or seizure and then be alive after. Even then idk if i would call the hospital for that. Where are you from I live in NY so yeah I know things are closed but most motels are open.Do you think it would be selfish to CTB during this pandemic? I'm not saying that the act itself is selfish, being told to stay alive for others is truly selfish... maybe selfish isn't the right word I'm looking for. I'm just wondering what would happen if someone were to find you and you end up taking a hospital bed away from someone who contracted COVID that doesn't necessarily want to die. You can't go to a hotel or away from home (where I'm at its fairly strict) which would make it easier to be found. I've been carefully planning my final exit for several months now but I can't seem to shake this feeling like I'd be killing someone else if I did it now. I mean I have caused pain and suffering to so many people, I guess one more wouldn't hurt. Gahhh I don't know how to feel. How about y'all?
I don't know if I did the quote-y thing right, but I have a similar plan @Buffy5120. What's your method of choice if you don't mind me asking? And I'm just thinking on the off chance that I am found I don't want to inadvertently kill someone else, ya know? I don't know, a part of me can't wait any longer yet my other voice that tells me to have patience, the reward is still coming and it will be just as sweet. Nothing against you and I hope it doesn't seem rude, but I'd rather not share my location. I am still adjusting to conversing with random internet strangers (it's my first time... be gentle hehe).Im not planning on going to a hospital at all. Im going to be in a motel the whole time. Im just hoping i dont get a stroke or seizure and then be alive after. Even then idk if i would call the hospital for that. Where are you from I live in NY so yeah I know things are closed but most motels are open.
Well my first was Dignitas. I found them online back in August. From there I thought okay no problem all I have to do is save up some money and go to them and everything will be fine. I was clearly wrong. Whats weird and (idk if it was a sign to convince me to get the virus) around February when the virus started appearing more on the news I panicked because I thought fuck this virus might affect my plans since back then they were basically saying only "elders" could die from it. Dignitas clinic are mainly elders who perform the euthanasia, and if they die im screwed. For the past 7 months i was so stuck on going to them that I actually became less depressed because I knew i would get out of here eventually. I even was planning on moving out. I looked up more information about Dignitas, and found this website (which could of been another sign) bc people on here were basically saying Dignitas only accepts people with physical disabilities. I starting to have panic attacks. Ever since February ive been so stressed that my depression came back. Waking up everyday trying to figure out what im going to do. I told myself ok since you cant go to Dignitas you must get this virus and I was planning to go to JFK and China town. I was so stressed out. Crazy thing is the first person to get the virus happed to be close to where i live so that could of been another sign too. But yeah to this day i still dont have the virus mainly bc i live with my dad he has asthma but tonight im planning on going to a motel. I've been on the edge this past week but im ready to ctb. Life is cruel. I just pray to God i wont get a stroke or seizures. I already had a mini stroke so im terrified i just wish i could go already.I don't know if I did the quote-y thing right, but I have a similar plan @Buffy5120. What's your method of choice if you don't mind me asking? And I'm just thinking on the off chance that I am found I don't want to inadvertently kill someone else, ya know? I don't know, a part of me can't wait any longer yet my other voice that tells me to have patience, the reward is still coming and it will be just as sweet. Nothing against you and I hope it doesn't seem rude, but I'd rather not share my location. I am still adjusting to conversing with random internet strangers (it's my first time... be gentle hehe).