I know that we have a natural tendency for survival. I am clear that my "condition" is not really treatable or curable. So, in addition to the daily torture of the condition leaving me non-functional, and basically on the couch watching TV for 11 months.
Today I took a drive, with the thought of heading to the bridge. I had a freak out (not like I want to live) but more of a general panic attack. But, I know when I wake up in the morning, I will regret telling myself "just one more night you might have a miracle". I have been playing that game with myself for 11 months, and it just contributes to the cycle. How does one actually push through and just "do it already" when I know that this horrendous condition is crippling.
Today I took a drive, with the thought of heading to the bridge. I had a freak out (not like I want to live) but more of a general panic attack. But, I know when I wake up in the morning, I will regret telling myself "just one more night you might have a miracle". I have been playing that game with myself for 11 months, and it just contributes to the cycle. How does one actually push through and just "do it already" when I know that this horrendous condition is crippling.
