Courage to do it

[Christian1986]

Hello everyone, how it Looks by you all with the Courage for an SS attempt?

I tried partial hanging for over an half year , i hang around a Minute so that i cant feel the right Side of my Arms and Body for about 2 days after, but my survival instinct kick in and i have it Not Made to lost my councess. Now i have all Items for the SN Methode ( meto , xanax, and Chemical SN with Grade of 97-98) every day i think over it to use it , because i suffer from A Abusive Narcisstic Family WHO destroed my whole life, 24/7 loud Tinnitus,Insomnia, and deep Depressions. How is it by all you Guys ? Have you some attempts , or all the stuff at Home for ctb , but dont do it because of some worries or the SI ? ( My english is Not perfekt sry haha)

 

[Worndown]

Courage is needed at a level high enough to overcome SI. One reason so many people are here!
I hope you can work this out.

 

[Re62]

I have only ever attempted cutting my wrist multiple times, did the most during my teen years to the point it basically became a coping mechanism of sorts for me, was never able to cut deep enough unfortunately, always resulted in me just bandaging myself and just carrying on with my life, no one noticed it, or maybe there was just nobody there to notice it or bother enough to notice it.

It isn't easy to truly commit to this, it requires a lot of courage. Each and every one of us here wants for the pain to stop, you aren't alone in that regard.

 

[Marshy63]

My SI is my enemy I cant stand it

 

[AshersGirl]

My catch 22 is my SI is only ever overcome when I'm in a heightened emotional state and my BPD trigger response results in impulsive (and admittedly often stupid) ill thought out attempts. Of which I've had many but obviously I'm still here…

When I have a rational plan, thought out, calm and planned, my SI takes over, and so does my guilt about hurting my mother and abandoning my furry companions.

My BPD triggers override these things but also mean I'm engaging in risky attempts that could worst case end up with me not dying but doing irreversible damage that makes life even more difficult. Logically I'm aware of this, in the middle of an episode I don't care, because emotions win out over rationality.

It's like I need to have in place a ready plan and set up that when a BPD episode hits, is immediately accessible - then, all the factors would align.