cosmetic surgery has made me ready to kill myself

[finchywart]

i shouldn't have gotten a nose job because then i wouldn't have chased perfection. i shouldn't have gotten a second nose job to fix the deviation i got from the first, when i looked perfect anyway. now i don't recognise myself anymore and my nose feels strange, foreign, not mine, it's hard because of the grafts inside it, the surgeon didn't listen to me. i miss my unique features and i shouldn't have changed them. i look worse now and my face doesn't suit how i feel i am as a person.

i feel like ive already died and everyone who looks natural makes me sad so all i can do is ctb because ill never feel like me again. it's been months and months of anguish and torture because it isn't me in the mirror and photos are triggering. i used to like them because even when i looked bad, i looked like myself. now i look prosthetic. the change is too far to go back now.

 

[_Minsk]

im sorry you had to go trough this. Life is full of depressing surprises.
On the bright side you can still redo it and maybe a better surgeon can fix it, or accept it and appreciate that its "just" a cosmetical thing and nothing has been irreparable broken health wise. Hugs

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This reminds me of a video I watched that talked about nose jobs. In it, they showed this video of this girl who was excited about getting their nose job, only to immediately regret it afterwards. The nose itself looked fine, she looked fine, but it felt wrong whenever she saw her face. I think she talked about not even being able to look at herself in the mirror and regretting getting rid of her natural nose.

I think something that people rarely talk about when it comes to cosmetic surgery is the risk of it leading some to feel dysphoria when looking at themselves afterwards. Even if it looks fine to everyone else, it ends up feeling wrong to you.

On the bright side you can still redo it and maybe a better surgeon can fix it, or accept it and appreciate that its "just" a cosmetical thing and nothing has been irreparable broken health wise.

I think the issue goes beyond it just being a "cosmetical thing" that just be acceptedand appreciated. The OP is feeling a sense of disconnect between her and her face. Imagine waking up and looking in the mirror only find a completely different face looking back at you, one that you only vaguely recognize. The issue isn't just the hardness of the OP's nose (though that probably only makes things worse). They are talking about feeling like a physical part of them doesn't even belong to them anymore. Acceptance isn't going to be that simple in this case and appreciation may not ever come about.

@finchywart you could try looking into seeing if a plastic surgeon could at least try and do some revisions in order to try and get your nose to resemble its original form as best as they can.

 

[finchywart]

im sorry you had to go trough this. Life is full of depressing surprises.
On the bright side you can still redo it and maybe a better surgeon can fix it, or accept it and appreciate that its "just" a cosmetical thing and nothing has been irreparable broken health wise. Hugs

thank you for your words. unfortunately it can never go back to a natural look because of the techniques used - i can't accept or appreciate it because he turned me into someone who isn't me :( all pictures and mirrors are super triggering now because i'm frightened seeing an image that was apparently taken of me, yet seeing someone else in it

This reminds me of a video I watched that talked about nose jobs. In it, they showed this video of this girl who was excited about getting their nose job, only to immediately regret it afterwards. The nose itself looked fine, she looked fine, but it felt wrong whenever she saw her face. I think she talked about not even being able to look at herself in the mirror and regretting getting rid of her natural nose.

I think something that people rarely talk about when it comes to cosmetic surgery is the risk of it leading some to feel dysphoria when looking at themselves afterwards. Even if it looks fine to everyone else, it ends up feeling wrong to you.

I think the issue goes beyond it just being a "cosmetical thing" that just be acceptedand appreciated. The OP is feeling a sense of disconnect between her and her face. Imagine waking up and looking in the mirror only find a completely different face looking back at you, one that you only vaguely recognize. The issue isn't just the hardness of the OP's nose (though that probably only makes things worse). They are talking about feeling like a physical part of them doesn't even belong to them anymore. Acceptance isn't going to be that simple in this case and appreciation may not ever come about.

@finchywart you could try looking into seeing if a plastic surgeon could at least try and do some revisions in order to try and get your nose to resemble its original form as best as they can.

thank you for completely understanding what i'm going through, i wish i realised this could happen to me and never did it in the first place. unfortunately reconstructive surgeons can't even give me certain features back, and a third rhinoplasty runs further risk of necrosis, along with elevated expenses.. i think also the feeling of a foreign object on my face because it can only be rebuilt with grafts now makes me too sick to deal with.

i really appreciate you taking the time to listen and respond, thank you

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

I wonder, do you feel like something's wrong even when not looking at a mirror? Since our nose is in our line of sight and our brain just ignores it I wonder if you can tell there's a difference.

 

[finchywart]

I wonder, do you feel like something's wrong even when not looking at a mirror? Since our nose is in our line of sight and our brain just ignores it I wonder if you can tell there's a difference.

this is a really good theory and i would agree with you here. when i had the first rhinoplasty, the general vibe of the original nose was preserved so i had no identity issues. the second surgeon totally lied to me and said he was just gonna fix my septum and now its an uncanny valley nose which my brain is not computing

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

That's a tough one. I've read numerous testimonies of those with severe regret after plastic surgery. The doctors that do this kind of work are very predatory in my opinion. Their job isn't to convince people to work on their self image or discourage unnecessary work, it's to eliminate any hesitation and get people under the knife.

It reminds me of the actress Jennifer Grey. She had rhinoplasty after she gained fame in Dirty Dancing thinking it would help her career. She also needed a second operation. The change was so much and it negatively effected her career. She said even her close friends didn't recognize her and she considered changing her name and starting her life over. She did go on to work again and seems to live a happy life no. It may take a year or two to adjust and get out of the uncanny valley feeling.

 

[finchywart]

That's a tough one. I've read numerous testimonies of those with severe regret after plastic surgery. The doctors that do this kind of work are very predatory in my opinion. Their job isn't to convince people to work on their self image or discourage unnecessary work, it's to eliminate any hesitation and get people under the knife.

It reminds me of the actress Jennifer Grey. She had rhinoplasty after she gained fame in Dirty Dancing thinking it would help her career. She also needed a second operation. The change was so much and it negatively effected her career. She said even her close friends didn't recognize her and she considered changing her name and starting her life over. She did go on to work again and seems to live a happy life no. It may take a year or two to adjust and get out of the uncanny valley feeling.

they really are and you're right about the hesitation part. i was asking about risks of various things and was put at ease. even my boyfriend who is suspicious of people and was scared for me thought that i was in the right hands.

i totally relate to jennifer grey. i feel like my friends and family are looking at me in pity. the nose itself actually does look wrong and weird, unlike hers that just looked like a regular person's nose so i don't think i will get used to it and a second revision will still require weird cartilage movement so it's never going to be right again. this was meant to make me feel better and now it's quite literally destroyed my life

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

they really are and you're right about the hesitation part. i was asking about risks of various things and was put at ease. even my boyfriend who is suspicious of people and was scared for me thought that i was in the right hands.

i totally relate to jennifer grey. i feel like my friends and family are looking at me in pity. the nose itself actually does look wrong and weird, unlike hers that just looked like a regular person's nose so i don't think i will get used to it and a second revision will still require weird cartilage movement so it's never going to be right again. this was meant to make me feel better and now it's quite literally destroyed my life

They should take an impression mold before doing the surgery so there's an exact template of the original nose for potential restorative work. Based on what Michael Jackson went through, I'd be reluctant to keep messing with it. I feel like if time travel were invented many of us wouldn't feel forced by circumstance into considering ctb.

There was another thread talking about severe handicaps and how media celebrates cases of extreme hardship and people that just skip through it with a smile. There's that girl that had her face chewed off by 2 dogs and she's done interviews, social media and is getting married. I just don't understand it. I get imposter syndrome and uncanny valley from a single tooth filling.

Not to be a "pro-lifer" but I hope this doesn't drive you to ctb. Most people would say to give it more time so you can be clear minded. You sound like you're still in shock. How long has it been since the last operation? Is it fully healed?

 

[finchywart]

They should take an impression mold before doing the surgery so there's an exact template of the original nose for potential restorative work. Based on what Michael Jackson went through, I'd be reluctant to keep messing with it. I feel like if time travel were invented many of us wouldn't feel forced by circumstance into considering ctb.

There was another thread talking about severe handicaps and how media celebrates cases of extreme hardship and people that just skip through it with a smile. There's that girl that had her face chewed off by 2 dogs and she's done interviews, social media and is getting married. I just don't understand it. I get imposter syndrome and uncanny valley from a single tooth filling.

Not to be a "pro-lifer" but I hope this doesn't drive you to ctb. Most people would say to give it more time so you can be clear minded. You sound like you're still in shock. How long has it been since the last operation? Is it fully healed?

that is such a good idea, i wish i had done that! i have pictures of me that looked so beautiful before.. i hope i can restore that look. michael jackson kept going smaller though and i want to go bigger. i have another consultation this month because a part of me has a little bit of hope

i don't know how they do it either, they are stronger people than i for sure..

it's 6 months now but the problem is the more it heals the worse it will look since it is too small for my face, so as the swelling goes down, so will the nose. yet it's so wide at the front and i can feel the hardness of the grafts, my boyfriend didn't call me hot or sexy anymore like he used to. he'll say i look fine or that i'm pretty but i know i'm not the most beautiful woman in the world to him either and that kills me.

 

[Al_stargate]

Damn, I'm sorry you have to go through this as well. People who haven't experienced it can not comprehend at all. I was healthy in every way, successful, driven person and now I can't even hold a thought in my mind anymore. It completely ruined me mentally beyond what I could have ever imagined.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I don't mean to invalidate your feelings about this, especially since it isn't something I can really relate to. But do you think it might be possible to grow to accept how your nose is now, even if you regret the cosmetic surgery? It sounds like you look different than before, but does it necessarily look bad? Even if you feel like it does, it might just be because you aren't used to how it looks, and in time it won't cause you as much emotional pain.

I'm very sorry you're going through this, and I feel like it's even more difficult because it's an issue and experience that many people might just brush off as 'not a big deal', but of course it's a big deal when it seems to skew your whole identity as a person.

 

[Al_stargate]

I don't mean to invalidate your feelings about this, especially since it isn't something I can really relate to. But do you think it might be possible to grow to accept how your nose is now, even if you regret the cosmetic surgery? It sounds like you look different than before, but does it necessarily look bad? Even if you feel like it does, it might just be because you aren't used to how it looks, and in time it won't cause you as much emotional pain.

I'm very sorry you're going through this, and I feel like it's even more difficult because it's an issue and experience that many people might just brush off as 'not a big deal', but of course it's a big deal when it seems to skew your whole identity as a person.

Some people seem to be able to get over it, to where they can function again in their life and some don't. Not being able to look yourself in the mirror is the worst. It's an insult that never stops and it affects every aspect of your life. Some people are happy with absolutely ridiculous looking cosmetic procedures, while some are devastated by even a small flaw. I guess it has to do with intellegence levels and character traits. It's really hard to comprehend for people that haven't experienced it. Imagine taking a sharpie and drawing bunch of scribbles on your nose or your face and then going out in public. That's how it feels like and will consume a person's every thought and even the mentally strongest person will become suicidal in about a week maybe. I've read suicidal messages every day on botched groups, people shared obituaries from members and so on, so you can imagine it's absolutely devastating to human psyche to see their face altered in a bad way. Trust me, you not just gonna forget and get over it.

I will never get a glance from a cutie of opposite gender, my friends and relatives have turned their back on me, I will feel a freak for the rest of my life. I will remember how I got scammed, how nobody from my family tried to talk me out of it (I was even encouraged) and how I was gaslit after like I don't matter. I've been through bad situations in my life (severe abuse and bullying) and nothing really distorted me mentally like this botched procedure thing. I can't think, I can't focus, I'm in homicidal rage all the time, I can't even brush my teeth anymore, I cope eat (went from extremely fit to obese), I play games and chat allday-everyday just to keep distracted. I lost my personality, my income, my happines, my dreams and goals, my hobbies, my health, basically everything a person can lose. I have no future anymore. I just need to ctb already. All I accomplished in life, all I been through, it's all for nothing. I don't mean anything to anyone, I was very spiritual and believed in god but he doesn't care about me as well. Life is just one big nothing, no justice, no karma. I was genuinly good person and got nothing but shit.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

Some people seem to be able to get over it, to where they can function again in their life and some don't. Not being able to look yourself in the mirror is the worst. It's an insult that never stops and it affects every aspect of your life. Some people are happy with absolutely ridiculous looking cosmetic procedures, while some are devastated by even a small flaw. I guess it has to do with intellegence levels and character traits. It's really hard to comprehend for people that haven't experienced it. Imagine taking a sharpie and drawing bunch of scribbles on your nose or your face and then going out in public. That's how it feels like and will consume a person's every thought and even the mentally strongest person will become suicidal in about a week maybe. I've read suicidal messages every day on botched groups, people shared obituaries from members and so on, so you can imagine it's absolutely devastating to human psyche to see their face altered in a bad way. Trust me, you not just gonna forget and get over it.

I will never get a glance from a cutie of opposite gender, my friends and relatives have turned their back on me, I will feel a freak for the rest of my life. I will remember how I got scammed, how nobody from my family tried to talk me out of it (I was even encouraged) and how I was gaslit after like I don't matter. I've been through bad situations in my life (severe abuse and bullying) and nothing really distorted me mentally like this botched procedure thing. I can't think, I can't focus, I'm in homicidal rage all the time, I can't even brush my teeth anymore, I cope eat (went from extremely fit to obese), I play games and chat allday-everyday just to keep distracted. I lost my personality, my income, my happines, my dreams and goals, my hobbies, my health, basically everything a person can lose. I have no future anymore. I just need to ctb already. All I accomplished in life, all I been through, it's all for nothing. I don't mean anything to anyone, I was very spiritual and believed in god but he doesn't care about me as well. Life is just one big nothing, no justice, no karma. I was genuinly good person and got nothing but shit.

That sounds horrible. I guess I can relate a bit, because most of what you described is similar to what I've experienced with developing a chronic illness. Especially how it's changed your entire worldview, and you realize that not everything works out in the end, sometimes you can just make a mistake or something bad happens for no reason and it ends everything.

Before, I almost had the idea that all problems have solutions, that there was some way for me to be happy, I just needed to find it. But now I know the truth, that there is no solution. That something went wrong and it will never be right again. There's no 'adjusting' to this new reality, it's just endless pain until death.

 

[DontTouchMeImFamous]

Um, I don't know if it's the right thing to say but the first thing came to my mind when I read this was:
I can't pretend to know what you're going through because I don't, but I'm just guessing that you might be thinking that you made a mistake because you listened to society beauty standards telling you needed a nose job. If that's the case then, IMHO, I think you might be making the same mistake by looking down to yourself because the society is telling you you're "prosthetic".
Society will never stop criticizing us no matter what we do. I think that you shouldn't listen to them. do what you want to do with your body. Plastic surgery or not, it's your body, your choice. I think that it's not the society who decides whether you made a mistake. Hugs