Correct answers for therapy

[solblaze]

I am about to start couples counseling with my wife, and part of it the therapist meets with us individually the first 3-4 times. I know the topic of suicide will come up. What do I say? Is the correct answer something along the lines of "yes I'm suicidal, but don't have any active plans of deletion" or do I just deny deny deny my suicidal thoughts? I want to be open an honest, but I don't want to be committed to a mental health hospital. If it helps, I live in the southern US.

 

[sharpiemarker]

If you say you think about death but dont have plans or means to actually die I think you should be okay?

 

[Leiot]

Unless it's already come up I would be very careful about mentioning the 'S' word. My experience has been when I do all hell breaks loose. 'Depression', you're ok. Therapists have to start calling people if they think you're in 'imminent danger'.

 

[solblaze]

If you say you think about death but dont have plans or means to actually die I think you should be okay?

that was the impression I was under too.

Unless it's already come up I would be very careful about mentioning the 'S' word. My experience has been when I do all hell breaks loose. 'Depression', you're ok. Therapists have to start calling people if they think you're in 'imminent danger'.

We haven't went yet, our first appointment should be soon. I don't plan to bring it up myself. I have very limited experience with therapy, my last therapist tried to start diagnosing my wife based on our texts and I knew that was wrong and inappropriate so I quit going. I do remember when we were discussing depression I told my first therapist flat out yes I wanna die, but I don't have any active plans to do anything. He asked if I'd ever tried and I admitted to him yes I tried to a little over a week ago but couldn't bring myself to go through with it, and he just made me commit to getting the guns out of the house an that was the end of that.

 

[chester]

I am about to start couples counseling with my wife, and part of it the therapist meets with us individually the first 3-4 times. I know the topic of suicide will come up. What do I say? Is the correct answer something along the lines of "yes I'm suicidal, but don't have any active plans of deletion" or do I just deny deny deny my suicidal thoughts? I want to be open an honest, but I don't want to be committed to a mental health hospital. If it helps, I live in the southern US.

Well, that depends, do you want the therapy to work, or do you want your SO to fuck off?

 

[NegevChina]

Telling anyone about suicide intensions or thoughts may be dangerous especially a therapist- he may panic. I don't know about the US but in some counties he may be obliged to report to welfare or some other officials.

 

[Leiot]

Yeah, you're just going to have to get a feel for your therapist. I shared with one of my shrinks a while back that some of us would never use the word 'suicide' ever again at the VA. He asked why and I told them they didn't make a distinction between thinking about it and actively planning it. I went in one day because my average mood was going down and there's a little box on the intake form about having suicidal thoughts. I checked it because they had been popping in and out. Next thing I know the VA Police are there.

They're better about that now. I wonder how many other people ran into the same thing.

 

[solblaze]

Well, that depends, do you want the therapy to work, or do you want your SO to fuck off?

I'd like for it to work, but something's gotta change. 2 nights ago I was in my head just having a really bad day, she knew something was wrong and assumed I was mad or upset with her when I wasn't. Well she kept asking and I finally told her out right "that I don't feel loved" and she immediately hijacked it with "well I'm very sexually frustrated" and proceeds to just tare into me. Had she let me finished she'd have known I wasn't referring to just her, but everyone in my life and I only feel true love from my dogs. The entire discussion got hijacked and made about her. Yes I have issues having sex. I have a chunk missing from a vertebra in my back that causes me to hurt from head to toe every day, and a enlarged prostate I've been going to the doctor about recently and a combination of the enlarged prostate, medications, and the pain I feel has absolutely killed my libido, but best I can tell that doesn't even matter to her. Yesterday she proposed therapy to work on our communication because, and using her words here "you get upset about something, stewing on it for
Months then it blows up" and she's not wrong there, but how am I supposed to bring something up if every single time I've tried it was immediately hijacked and I was made into the bad guy?

I made a plan years ago that when my elder dog passed, I plan to be on the bus behind him. Only reason I'm even still here is to ensure he has the best life I can give him.

 

[solblaze]

Yeah, you're just going to have to get a feel for your therapist. I shared with one of my shrinks a while back that some of us would never use the word 'suicide' ever again at the VA. He asked why and I told them they didn't make a distinction between thinking about it and actively planning it. I went in one day because my average mood was going down and there's a little box on the intake form about having suicidal thoughts. I checked it because they had been popping in and out. Next thing I know the VA Police are there.

They're better about that now. I wonder how many other people ran into the same thing.

Holy crap, everything I hear about the VA make them sound like a nightmare to deal with.

Telling anyone about suicide intensions or thoughts may be dangerous especially a therapist- he may panic. I don't know about the US but in some counties he may be obliged to report to welfare or some other officials.

I believe in the US they are required to report it if they think you're an immediate danger to yourself or others? I'm not sure.

Well, that depends, do you want the therapy to work, or do you want your SO to fuck off?

I replied to your post, but for some reason it requires moderator approval?

 

[solblaze]

Well, that depends, do you want the therapy to work, or do you want your SO to fuck off?

I actually copied and pasted my reply to you in a private message.

 

[solblaze]

To everyone here, I have been replying, but for some reason my replies need moderator approval for some reason.

 

[Addled and Rattled]

Unfortunately, it might just depend on the therapist. I'm not sure if you can just "vibe check" them, seems kinda silly. My therapist knows about my ideation but has never called anyone or sent me anywhere because it's usually not imminent. We usually try to work on untangling why I feel like that although the webs run deep. Not every therapist is like that though.

The proper term is suicidal ideation, so maybe try using that? When you say you are actively suicidal it means you may do something, but the mere ideation doesn't have the same consequence. It just means you're having thoughts, intrusive or not. Hope it goes alright for you and your wife.

 

[solblaze]

Unfortunately, it might just depend on the therapist. I'm not sure if you can just "vibe check" them, seems kinda silly. My therapist knows about my ideation but has never called anyone or sent me anywhere because it's usually not imminent. We usually try to work on untangling why I feel like that although the webs run deep. Not every therapist is like that though.

The proper term is suicidal ideation, so maybe try using that? When you say you are actively suicidal it means you may do something, but the mere ideation doesn't have the same consequence. It just means you're having thoughts, intrusive or not. Hope it goes alright for you and your wife.

i never knew what the proper term for it would be, I explained it to my last therapist as having a death wish, but not planning to actively do anything.

Thank you, i hope it does too. I actually made my attempt yesterday but backed out last second cause of the fear of making myself retarded since I was using the kneeling hanging method.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

I havent had much luck with therapists in the past. They will ask leading questions often to get you to say what they are thinking. Best best in my opinion is be vague around the subject of depression and suicide because like others have said, they are mandatory reporters so even a whiff of danger they sense and you could get a trip to the hospital. I hope everything works out for you and your wife.

 

[solblaze]

I havent had much luck with therapists in the past. They will ask leading questions often to get you to say what they are thinking. Best best in my opinion is be vague around the subject of depression and suicide because like others have said, they are mandatory reporters so even a whiff of danger they sense and you could get a trip to the hospital. I hope everything works out for you and your wife.

I've only every tried one therapist and went 3 maybe 4 times, and in the last visit I realized how "wrong" he was for trying to diagnose my wife based on a few texts and quit going to him. I had such a bad taste in my mouth over that ordeal I never went back to another

 

[hopelesswanderer]

One strategy that has worked for me in the past is saying "sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up". It signals passive ideation and not something any of my doctors or therapists have ever reported me for. They do always ask follow up questions like "do you have any intent?" "Have you thought about ways to do that?" "Do you live recklessly?" (E.g. not wearing a seatbelt, crossing busy roads without looking, etc).

Your mileage may vary.

 

[solblaze]

One strategy that has worked for me in the past is saying "sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up". It signals passive ideation and not something any of my doctors or therapists have ever reported me for. They do always ask follow up questions like "do you have any intent?" "Have you thought about ways to do that?" "Do you live recklessly?" (E.g. not wearing a seatbelt, crossing busy roads without looking, etc).

Your mileage may vary.

I am definitely gonna have to keep that line in mind, thank you!

I am definitely gonna have to keep that line in mind, thank you!

What is you opinion of me replying "every night I go to bed I hope it be the last time and that I don't wake up"?

 

[hopelesswanderer]

I'd stick with "sometimes" as "every night" might make them worry your thoughts are escalating into active ideation. Just my two cents I am not a MH worker and everyone's "line" is different so to speak, I've definitely said worse things to my therapist and gotten away with it, but doesn't mean I would do it again

I am definitely gonna have to keep that line in mind, thank you!

What is you opinion of me replying "every night I go to bed I hope it be the last time and that I don't wake up"?

 

[verdedefome]

The idea of being immediately involuntarily admitted into a psychiatric institution upon mentioning suicide ideation to a therapist astounds me. I don't want to doubt people's personal accounts, and some of the accounts I've read fill me with a mix of anger and sadness. But whole point of therapy is "helping" people with mental health, so having to tip-toe around it is mind-boggling counter productive, but as other members have shared it might be necessary to "vibe-check" the therapist. I get the fear though, as I really don't trust the capabilities of most therapists at all. Definitely don't say you have a concrete plan on how to do it, as they might even be legally required to call the authorities on you in that case. I do wonder if the fact that it's a couple therapy might take the edge off here, as your spouse would be there to "reassure" the therapist you aren't in "danger".

 

[Unspoken7612]

The idea of being immediately involuntarily admitted into a psychiatric institution upon mentioning suicide ideation to a therapist astounds me. I don't want to doubt people's personal accounts, and some of the accounts I've read fill me with a mix of anger and sadness. But whole point of therapy is "helping" people with mental health, so having to tip-toe around it is mind-boggling counter productive, but as other members have shared it might be necessary to "vibe-check" the therapist. I get the fear though, as I really don't trust the capabilities of most therapists at all. Definitely don't say you have a concrete plan on how to do it, as they might even be legally required to call the authorities on you in that case. I do wonder if the fact that it's a couple therapy might take the edge off here, as your spouse would be there to "reassure" the therapist you aren't in "danger".

Agree with this. In my experience, the red flag is "I am planning to kill myself within days and have taken steps to achieve that goal".

If you haven't taken steps, or steps beyond a bit of research online, you'll be fine. Mention that you want to stay alive for your dogs, that will help.

 

[Nikki_Music]

I wouldn't bring it up naturally. If it comes up, "I am suicidal occasionally but not currently and have no plans" works in my experience.

 

[Addled and Rattled]

i never knew what the proper term for it would be, I explained it to my last therapist as having a death wish, but not planning to actively do anything.

Thank you, i hope it does too. I actually made my attempt yesterday but backed out last second cause of the fear of making myself retarded since I was using the kneeling hanging method.

I'm sorry to hear you made a recent attempt. I know that was your own line of action but it can still be very traumatizing. Hope things get better for you. <3

 

[solblaze]

I'd stick with "sometimes" as "every night" might make them worry your thoughts are escalating into active ideation. Just my two cents I am not a MH worker and everyone's "line" is different so to speak, I've definitely said worse things to my therapist and gotten away with it, but doesn't mean I would do it again

That is a very good point, I didn't think about that. Thank you.

I'm sorry to hear you made a recent attempt. I know that was your own line of action but it can still be very traumatizing. Hope things get better for you. <3

Thank you. I hope it does too, but for as many years as it's been going on, I have my doubts. I remember the first time I wished for death at 11 I was rolling around in bed hurting from where my father had "spanked" me multiple times with his belt in my nuts, and just rolling around in bed with swollen jewels praying to god (back when i still believed in him anyway) to take me away and to not wake up in the morning. It's only went down hill from there. That was 22 years ago.