GenesAndEnvironment
Autistic loser
- Jan 26, 2021
- 5,743
I'm not posting this in recovery due to the fact that I don't believe this can be recovered from. Coping with this has been crucial in getting me to slowly but surely come closer to more lethal and less painful ways of exiting; while at the same time not settling for sub-par methods due to immediate suffering.
I've been struggling with not having a girlfriend for five years, it's been my (more or less) only reason to exit for this entire duration. There has not been a single second during the past five years where I would not have accepted an instant death. Most of this time I have not been able to deal with the lack of affection at all, the emotional pain made me unable to successfully study or work. It was extra bad when I was taking strong ADs on max dosage (escitalopram and bupropion); I was literally going berserk at times, I made death-threats, I started to believe some strange and harmful things, I also performed a shitty attempt (knife to non-lethal targets). This is how much this hurts me personally, I know it's probably not as big of a deal to most people (good). I was always cool-headed and calm before taking these pills, never aggressive or anything (just a word of caution).
Anyway, now that my meds are almost completely out of my system (took a good fucking while) I have been able to develop some good coping strategies. Thought I'd list mine and see which strategies other lonely users have come up with. It's fine if this is treated as a "recovery" thread (or even moved), but it's intended as a suicide resource. These will be typed from my perspective (heterosexual "male man") but are probably applicable to all genders, sexes and preferences, with some modifications.
1. To know if you want someone as your girlfriend you have to get to know them, you might even have to live together to find out for sure. This makes it impossible to desire anyone that you haven't spent a lot of time with (instant victory).
2. If no woman wants to date you when you are unemployed and living in your mother's basement, then the only reason they're open to dating you when you are in a different position socially/materially is just that. Nothing to do with your personality, looks or "chemistry"--those are fabrications made after the fact. Do you want to date someone that only wants you because you have a job, car and apartment? I personally don't, that's just prostitution with more steps (or at the very least inhumane submission to the DNA).
3. Lifting, waking up the same time every day, eating well, killing time.
4. Listening to women with the opposite problem. I've read women's posts about their problems in dating and have drawn the conclusion that as long as they are going for superficial reasons when selecting who to date it's better to avoid them. I am not saying that all women do this, but I am saying that the women I've encountered on online dating do, I don't meet any women IRL. Even if things seem good in the short-term it can't blossom into a beautiful and nourishing relationship on such a foundation. Same as when guys choose a woman because she has nice curves or a pretty face, that shit won't last more than a year (well, some people are immune to everything I write here due to just not thinking about it, or anything else for that matter).
5. Reading painful writings of women. Start reading how women talk about men they have crushes on, if you can hold back the intense pain and read how they express themselves you'll find much to be wanted. It's basically a slightly more advanced "Bro, that ass, man!".
6. Have something waiting for you when you go 100% sigma/omega (no, I don't take these terms seriously, it's a meme). For me the moment I realized I wanted nothing to do with women anymore I instantly felt the urge to go lift weights and also to get myself ready to die. For you that could be gaming, work, buying 0.000001 Bitcoins (sigma male grindset), whatever.
7. Look at funny memes:
I've been struggling with not having a girlfriend for five years, it's been my (more or less) only reason to exit for this entire duration. There has not been a single second during the past five years where I would not have accepted an instant death. Most of this time I have not been able to deal with the lack of affection at all, the emotional pain made me unable to successfully study or work. It was extra bad when I was taking strong ADs on max dosage (escitalopram and bupropion); I was literally going berserk at times, I made death-threats, I started to believe some strange and harmful things, I also performed a shitty attempt (knife to non-lethal targets). This is how much this hurts me personally, I know it's probably not as big of a deal to most people (good). I was always cool-headed and calm before taking these pills, never aggressive or anything (just a word of caution).
Anyway, now that my meds are almost completely out of my system (took a good fucking while) I have been able to develop some good coping strategies. Thought I'd list mine and see which strategies other lonely users have come up with. It's fine if this is treated as a "recovery" thread (or even moved), but it's intended as a suicide resource. These will be typed from my perspective (heterosexual "male man") but are probably applicable to all genders, sexes and preferences, with some modifications.
1. To know if you want someone as your girlfriend you have to get to know them, you might even have to live together to find out for sure. This makes it impossible to desire anyone that you haven't spent a lot of time with (instant victory).
2. If no woman wants to date you when you are unemployed and living in your mother's basement, then the only reason they're open to dating you when you are in a different position socially/materially is just that. Nothing to do with your personality, looks or "chemistry"--those are fabrications made after the fact. Do you want to date someone that only wants you because you have a job, car and apartment? I personally don't, that's just prostitution with more steps (or at the very least inhumane submission to the DNA).
3. Lifting, waking up the same time every day, eating well, killing time.
4. Listening to women with the opposite problem. I've read women's posts about their problems in dating and have drawn the conclusion that as long as they are going for superficial reasons when selecting who to date it's better to avoid them. I am not saying that all women do this, but I am saying that the women I've encountered on online dating do, I don't meet any women IRL. Even if things seem good in the short-term it can't blossom into a beautiful and nourishing relationship on such a foundation. Same as when guys choose a woman because she has nice curves or a pretty face, that shit won't last more than a year (well, some people are immune to everything I write here due to just not thinking about it, or anything else for that matter).
5. Reading painful writings of women. Start reading how women talk about men they have crushes on, if you can hold back the intense pain and read how they express themselves you'll find much to be wanted. It's basically a slightly more advanced "Bro, that ass, man!".
6. Have something waiting for you when you go 100% sigma/omega (no, I don't take these terms seriously, it's a meme). For me the moment I realized I wanted nothing to do with women anymore I instantly felt the urge to go lift weights and also to get myself ready to die. For you that could be gaming, work, buying 0.000001 Bitcoins (sigma male grindset), whatever.
7. Look at funny memes:
Last edited: