Venting Conversation I had about CTB today

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Was in the process of trying to explain to my boyfriend why people would want assisted suicide/dignitas type clinics and disabuse his idea that suicidality is always caused by a mental illness, when he asked me if I was going to CTB.

I said, "Not at the present time."

He replies, "But are you? Answer me."

I thought about it awhile and wondered if I should lie. I did not lie and gave him a truthful answer. Yes.

He came back with, "This is bad, and you know I have to do something. If you acted and I had knowledge that you were going to, I have a responsibility to do something and stop it or else I would get in trouble. If you care about me you wouldn't put me in that position where I could be punished. "

So I picked my next response very carefully," Well, what be done? "

"You need to talk to someone."

"And what will we talk about?" was my retort, followed by, "I've tried everything. What else can be done?"

"You tried that new medicine the other day, it helped for a few minutes right?" He says.

"I had a bad allergic reaction to it."

"Surely there must be other stimulants you can take. Even if there's not much now there will definitely be cures for chronic fatigue in the future because this website says 20% of people have improvements."

At this point I was getting frustrated hearing the same old things, but I told him that I had already tried every other class of stimulants, and they didn't work.

Then, I got told to "distract myself" and we tried to watch some film together but I fell asleep because chronic fatigue syndrome and doing any household chores prior in the day do not mix.

This world is a cruel joke. I do not want to be honest with anyone if they are just going to tell the same lies all of the time. Let me die already. The SN can't arrive fast enough.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

It sounds like he's scared for you. Regardless, it would be very frustrating to hear the same spiel, yet again.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

Then, I got told to "distract myself" and we tried to watch some film together but I fell asleep because chronic fatigue syndrome and doing any household chores prior in the day do not mix.

*eyeroll* the shitty advice is always fun to get...just distract yourself! i mean there is value in being able to distract yourself but ...i dunno. i'm just annoyed that he said that to you.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

It sounds like he's scared for you. Regardless, it would be very frustrating to hear the same spiel, yet again.

My bf nor most people in the real world can accept how bad my condition is and think I am just depressed and choose not to be happy or functional in spite of being disabled.

I wish that he could cope with this reality. Maybe I would not be wanting to ctb so much if people actually helped me in tangible ways instead of forcing me to go to university and try to live independently when I physically can't and I feel trapped every single day because I can't drop out or change unis again.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

My bf nor most people in the real world cannot accept how bad my condition is and think I am just depressed and choose not to be happy or functional in spite of being disabled.

I wish that he could cope with this reality. Maybe I would not be wanting to ctb so much if people actually helped me in tangible ways instead of forcing me to go to university and try to live independently when I physically can't and I feel trapped every single day because I can't drop out or change unis again.

i mean this IS a choice you know (sarcasm). do you know how much money i would pay...shit i have paid to try and feel better. i am sorry that you don't feel that you have the support you need. we are here for you!

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

My bf nor most people in the real world cannot accept how bad my condition is and think I am just depressed and choose not to be happy or functional in spite of being disabled.

Argh, this is so incredibly frustrating. It gets aggravating to hear people give their opinion instead of trying to understand. I would argue that it's a bit selfish. It's hard and can be scary to try and understand someone's condition, but you deserve that basic respect and sympathy.

i mean there is value in being able to distract yourself but ...i dunno.

You're right, but in so many cases (at least with myself and others here) "distraction", if one can even focus enough to be distracted, is like putting a very thin bandage on a gaping wound.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

AMEN!!!!

 

[demuic]

this website says 20% of people have improvements

Even if that's true, that means 80% of people did not have improvements...

I'm sure it must be frustrating hearing about how their might be some hypothetical cure in the future. Probably people were being told the same thing 20 years ago to stop them from CTBing. The fact is there is so little that is understood about a lot of medical conditions despite what anyone might try to tell you, most treatments are just doctors throwing stuff at you to see if it does something.