Venting “Control what you can” and “persevere” but I’m incompetent. lol

[petmom]

I know in this evil world, there's the idea of controlling what you can, and worrying about what directly affects your day to day. Disengaging somewhat from news. Community if you're lucky enough to have that. Etc.

But to be honest, it all only goes so far. Improving your life is hard. Of course it is. Tolerating so much misery, rejections, failures and uncertainty. It all goes on for so long.

Like what if the situation's untenable?

Long term suffering and all the failed solutions is a different kind of pain. I still can't kill myself for just idiotic weakness. So in the meantime, there's trying. Very badly

I wonder if life is just making it obvious I'd be better off dead. Afterall, after years, there's still nothing to show for anything. Isn't it results that matter more?

There's no prize for suffering.

I feel like I don't have the resilience for all this in the end. So I just want to fast forward to how I know it ends.

To be honest I also don't know why I even come to the recovery section sometimes. Given why I wrote above, it might be better to work towards the other solution. Lower my inhibitions to killing myself, and etc.

Just venting. I don't know what's the point. I can only tolerate so much prolonged uncertainty and sadness.

 

[itsgone2]

I've preached this in the past. I guess I didn't realize you could dig a hole you couldn't get out of.
It's good to vent sometimes.

 

[Solaria]

I wish I have answers for all that but I honestly face the same questions myself. All I can say is hugs to you, internet stranger. It can be such a miserable world, but I'm just trying to get by from one day to the next. Sometimes that's the best you can do, one day at a time.