Hi guys, newest member here. Absolute horrible situation rn. Was supposed to be dead yesterday (by hanging 18mm rope i bought), did a newbie style hangmen's noose with a full suspension. I already said my goodbyes to my friends here and there, and I really felt like some closure. However everything failed because the my tie noose was so shit it just made go out for 5 minutes before collapsing. Woke up crying because I failed so badly, also cause I was using alcohol as a painkiller and I had to put out a budget to buy some again. Got caught in my next attempt buying the alcohol and my family took it away from my hands. So Im only left with my rope (which im planning for partial suspension), and soon im starting to feel ambition and the will to live again creeping back up again cause of some concessions made by a family. Wtf do I do, I lost everything and I really feel depressed for failing and I hardly want to reach out to friends again, as it feels dishonoring. I dont want copes anymore, but this new method seems very fatal and natural instincts is taking play rn.
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