_elliott
sweet adeline.
- Apr 24, 2021
- 148
as time goes on i am definitely conflicted, but i just honestly feel like my life would be better gone. the only thing i want to achieve in my life is having children, but i'm infertile, and i don't think anyone would want to have kids with me. i have no real strong friends at the moment, and i know things are supposed to get better, but i'm so tired.
i just don't know when i could attempt that would be good for everyone else. i don't want people finding my body. i especially don't want family.
part of me just wants to try, and fail, so people give me love again, but every time i fail, the love always goes away because everyone just assumes i'm fine again.
i just... there's so much pain. i feel so hopeless. the only way i can be happy anymore is drunk off my ass, and that only lasts an hour...
i just don't know what to do. bpd is such a painful illness, and my panic disorder. i have 20 panic attacks a day at most. it's so painful, and i get no sympathy.
nothing is filling. nothing ever gets better for me. it doesn't stay better at all for me.
i'm exhausted.
i just don't know when i could attempt that would be good for everyone else. i don't want people finding my body. i especially don't want family.
part of me just wants to try, and fail, so people give me love again, but every time i fail, the love always goes away because everyone just assumes i'm fine again.
i just... there's so much pain. i feel so hopeless. the only way i can be happy anymore is drunk off my ass, and that only lasts an hour...
i just don't know what to do. bpd is such a painful illness, and my panic disorder. i have 20 panic attacks a day at most. it's so painful, and i get no sympathy.
nothing is filling. nothing ever gets better for me. it doesn't stay better at all for me.
i'm exhausted.