Help confused about death

[dazednconfused]

i need to end my life but im getting more scared when i think about it. i tried pulling back from my head bc everyone i know online n stuff keeps telling me not to die and one even said about how we just want to die because weve never actually had to experience death in real life of anyone we love. maybe hes right, he is, and i know its selfish but. these highs and lows of my life are always so intense. i just want to talk to the one person in the world i trusted but they are so so silent... i'm not really close enough with anyone else and i cant tell my family.

but oh well. its probably just fear. i already got SN from DMC and the anti emetic. im scared to vomit. i know i probably will. i'm 5'2, 115lbs. ill try to drink lots of water and fast. do you think i can avoid it more by taking more of the meto?

i'm also going to try and take xanax. i've never taken it before, what dose should i do?

even though i felt better today, i think its cus i didnt go on campus nd stayed at home, didnt do anything, and bc i felt so free thinking 'im gonna die'. because i still cant imagine or understand being and getting older with the way i am.

i dont know what im supposed to do...

 

[noheartz4lulah]

i dont have any dosage advice (sorry!!) but im sorry you got told something like that by somebody you knew.. thats not fair at all. im sure you have plenty valid reasons for feeling the way you do and thats not their place to say you're just doing it because you dont know what its like to lose somebody- besides, if you were doing it because of that, you wouldn't feel bad to hear that. (not that you should, just that this person is obviously wrong.)

you're very brave for making this choice and i hope you find whatever peace you seek. <3

 

[dazednconfused]

i dont have any dosage advice (sorry!!) but im sorry you got told something like that by somebody you knew.. thats not fair at all. im sure you have plenty valid reasons for feeling the way you do and thats not their place to say you're just doing it because you dont know what its like to lose somebody- besides, if you were doing it because of that, you wouldn't feel bad to hear that. (not that you should, just that this person is obviously wrong.)

you're very brave for making this choice and i hope you find whatever peace you seek. <3

thank you, i deeply appreciate your kind words... i hope so too.. ill probably be okay.

its just so lonely... i miss my boyfriend... i miss him taking care of me and saying im his sweet angel and... i miss that thin layer of protection against all the hurt that i had with him. i dont know where it all went wrong.. haha