Help confronting friend about being friends w my SA’er

[mittymittens]

usually when it comes to small stuff, like if someone hurt my feelings in a conversation, i will confront the person ab it.

but in a situation where a friend of mine is friends with someone who sexually assaulted me (non-con kissing) and non intentionally implied that she converses about me (his friend) sometimes and he engages with the conversation

confrontation is scary, not about only the fact im extremely weirded out by him engaging in that conversation, but about the fact that i've been always triggered about the fact that he knows what she did to me but is still friends with her regardless.

i just do not know how to confront him about it without it sounding like i'm forcing him to stop being friends with her because i do Not want to do that either! anyone has any tips/ideas maybe?

 

[fatalucia]

i'm sorry, i went through the same thing. i tried to warn and protect my friend because of my abuser, but not only did she fall in love with him and became my abuser's next victim, she turned against me and stayed with him.
my hunch is he may be engaging in that talk about you, telling her things about you, or likes/is in love with her to continue being friends with someone so disgusting and horrible...
it may not be what you want to hear but a real friend, who already knows what happened to you, would not even be in this friendship to begin with. you are already being betrayed. i hope you can get away from them.

 

[mittymittens]

i'm sorry, i went through the same thing. i tried to warn and protect my friend because of my abuser, but not only did she fall in love with him and became my abuser's next victim, she turned against me and stayed with him.
my hunch is he may be engaging in that talk about you, telling her things about you, or likes/is in love with her to continue being friends with someone so disgusting and horrible...
it may not be what you want to hear but a real friend, who already knows what happened to you, would not even be in this friendship to begin with. you are already being betrayed. i hope you can get away from them.

thank u and yes that thought has been in the back of my mind, and i'm confronting ab it rn with him
i've been suspecting they may be dating because they have matching pfps of characters that are canonically dating in a video game
i feel like he's gonna pull the, "the SA happened a year ago" but would that be a valid response? if it happened a year ago

 

[bumbalumba200]

thank u and yes that thought has been in the back of my mind, and i'm confronting ab it rn with him
i've been suspecting they may be dating because they have matching pfps of characters that are canonically dating in a video game
i feel like he's gonna pull the, "the SA happened a year ago" but would that be a valid response? if it happened a year ago

no sa is never ok no matter how long it's been it's an unforgivable crime

 

[mittymittens]

no sa is never ok no matter how long it's been it's an unforgivable crime

even if he said it was just "noncon kissing"
i confronted him ab it but it seems to me he is avoiding "triggering that u interact with ___(SA'ers name)" i dunno what to do

 

[fatalucia]

thank u and yes that thought has been in the back of my mind, and i'm confronting ab it rn with him
i've been suspecting they may be dating because they have matching pfps of characters that are canonically dating in a video game
i feel like he's gonna pull the, "the SA happened a year ago" but would that be a valid response? if it happened a year ago

eww not the matching pfps because that's how i found out too, my abuser and his new gf had matching bios and everything too he's so horrible for that. i am proud of you for trying to stand up for yourself but atp he cannot be helped or persuaded to keep away from her if it's gotten to matching pfps.

i don't really know the outcome maybe it could be relatively fine, but it's still so shady that he knows what she did to you and still matches pfps. what happened to me after confronting is my abuser and my gf sent me death threats and even brought my family into it, he actually kept my pictures from our relationship and defaced them to look like i was dead/killed too. it was one of the most scariest and stressful times of my life.

i think it is a whole garbage fire that cannot be tamed. i ended up letting her be hurt by him bc that is what she wanted so badly in a weird way. she kept going back to him even though he was s**ually violent

if i could do it over again i wouldn't bother them, it's not worth losing sleep over. its going to be hard but my wisest choice would be try to cut off anyone you think would still stay friends with either of those individuals. he is starved for attention from the worst kind of person.

 

[mittymittens]

eww not the matching pfps because that's how i found out too, my abuser and his new gf had matching bios and everything too he's so horrible for that. i am proud of you for trying to stand up for yourself but atp he cannot be helped or persuaded to keep away from her if it's gotten to matching pfps.

i don't really know the outcome maybe it could be relatively fine, but it's still so shady that he knows what she did to you and still matches pfps. what happened to me after confronting is my abuser and my gf sent me death threats and even brought my family into it, he actually kept my pictures from our relationship and defaced them to look like i was dead/killed too. it was one of the most scariest and stressful times of my life.

i think it is a whole garbage fire that cannot be tamed. i ended up letting her be hurt by him bc that is what she wanted so badly in a weird way. she kept going back to him even though he was s**ually violent

if i could do it over again i wouldn't bother them, it's not worth losing sleep over. its going to be hard but my wisest choice would be try to cut off anyone you think would still stay friends with either of those individuals. he is starved for attention from the worst kind of person.

i've talked ab it last night w him, i'm pretty sure he understands why i'm acting the way i am yet when i hit him with the "i feel unsafe with the fact your friends with someone who did That to me" (That being referred to the SA)
when i tell him that he sort of replies to another unrelated smaller issue, kinda ignoring the main reason why i'm avoiding him which tells me he's avoiding it

i end up telling him that i have a fear of losing friends but i think he took that as i'm not gonna cut him off