confronting family

[sleepy dog]

I am unsure what to do about this. My family did some horrible things to me in the past. I don't know if I should try to talk about those events with them before I try to die. I know it matters what it was that they did. But should I even try. One is my sister. In the state I live I need an agent for the advance directive. It is required. I was thinking of naming her as an agent. I don't have anybody else. If I confront her and then try to suicide but fail, she might have control over what happens to me if I am in a coma or just unable to communicate my will to the doctor. She could use that to act out of anger. So I don't know what to do. Does anybody have an opinion they want to share, or other info?

 

[Sweet emotion]

I am unsure what to do about this. My family did some horrible things to me in the past. I don't know if I should try to talk about those events with them before I try to die. I know it matters what it was that they did. But should I even try. One is my sister. In the state I live I need an agent for the advance directive. It is required. I was thinking of naming her as an agent. I don't have anybody else. If I confront her and then try to suicide but fail, she might have control over what happens to me if I am in a coma or just unable to communicate my will to the doctor. She could use that to act out of anger. So I don't know what to do. Does anybody have an opinion they want to share, or other info?

What country do you live in?

 

[deathbyginger]

Don't bring up the past. It's just going to be hard on you
I wouldn't even write it on paper unless you intend to get sad about it while talking about it or writing it as a motivator

 

[jgm63]

Everyone would have their own views on this, but for me, there is very limited value in going into the past....

If you were writing a note then I suppose you could write things like "There were things that were done that I felt were very wrong, and that caused me a lot of pain, however, I want you to know that I am not holding on to that, so I have made peace with you inside me".

In my view, there's no need to go into specifics.....

 

[noctiva]

What do you think will give you closure? I think that is the real question.
The closer I move to my CTB date, the more I regret the things I haven't worked through yet. I have talked with a few people that have 'wronged me' or that I 'have wronged', so I can make peace and I do not leave any open wounds or regrets behind. People I know I cannot talk to, either because they are far away or because I know that trying to have that conversation would not lead to anything positive at all, I wrote to, for myself. Not in a letter that I send to them, just for myself in my journal, so I can say what I wanted to say and I feel like I'm getting rid of anger, guilt and shame.
If your sister will have power after your CTB, or, if I read this correctly, could use her power after you fail at CTB, then she might not be the person you want to put in power. Do you think a conversation with your sister would lead to the trust in her to do what you perceive to be the right thing in case you are unable to speak for yourself? Would it make things better if you openly addressed it from a point of working things through and not from a point of anger, or do you think it would be futile?

 

[sleepy dog]

What do you think will give you closure? I think that is the real question.
The closer I move to my CTB date, the more I regret the things I haven't worked through yet. I have talked with a few people that have 'wronged me' or that I 'have wronged', so I can make peace and I do not leave any open wounds or regrets behind. People I know I cannot talk to, either because they are far away or because I know that trying to have that conversation would not lead to anything positive at all, I wrote to, for myself. Not in a letter that I send to them, just for myself in my journal, so I can say what I wanted to say and I feel like I'm getting rid of anger, guilt and shame.
If your sister will have power after your CTB, or, if I read this correctly, could use her power after you fail at CTB, then she might not be the person you want to put in power. Do you think a conversation with your sister would lead to the trust in her to do what you perceive to be the right thing in case you are unable to speak for yourself? Would it make things better if you openly addressed it from a point of working things through and not from a point of anger, or do you think it would be futile?

I have a file called "memories", and one called "journal". I did a lot of writing starting in 2017. I thought if I write it down my mind can tell itself that it doesn't have to remember it anymore. It seemed to help.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

I held my family accountable for abuse and it ended up being an absolute shitshow of denial and 'gaslighting' and I am suffering even more now having done it.

I feel doubly stupid, as I was in a recovery program for survivors of abuse that emphatically advised against confrontation and to focus on reclaiming my power internally with the help of other survivors, and yet I still did it anyway. Very big regrets for not having followed this suggestion.

As long as someone is not looking for any kind of validation or acknowledgement from the person who may have mistreated them, it could probably be okay.

In retrospect, my main motivation subconsiously was looking for my family to take responsibility for the horrifying way they had treated me, and they did not.