I have on many instances when I was around 9-12 years old flashed my naked body on Omegle. from 11-14 I would also trade nudes of myself with others around my age and up, one notable time recording myself masturbating for an adult woman as she sent me pics of herself.
When I was around 13 I'd masturbate with my female cousins in the room (I have no clue if they ever realized, they never mentioned it).
Around the same time I'd take creepshots of classmates.
I have a MAYBE four inch penis.
When I was 10 my mother caught me with a large amount of pornagraphy.
When I was in grade school I'd occasionally stab myself with my pencil for attention as hard as I could.
When I was 14 I'd occasionally touch myself in public.
When I was between 10-12 I nearly killed my brother at a public pool. He was drowning and I watched him for a bit before helping him when my dad came towards him to ask what was going on.
When I was 13 I had a online relationship with a girl a year older that was on and off for over a year in which I was emotionally abusive.
I have on many occasions followed people around while having to force myself not to attempt to kill them.
I have also on many occasions had to force myself not to steal things from people I know I wouldn't use.
I once was angry at my mother for something (I forget what) and had to forcefully stop myself from stabbing her with the knife in my hand (dishes), she noticed and insulted me, telling me I was just like her brother.
I am completely incapable of expressing myself to people in reality. My mind shuts off and goes into 'please mode' in which I say what I believe they want to hear with mere hints as to what I actually think.
I've once completely honestly told the people in the psych ward I was in that if anyone ever did to my kids what they talked about beat them to death with a baseball bat and had everyone laugh.
No medication has ever seemed to work for me.
When I was around 11 I had seizures on and off for a week or two I never mentioned to anyone because I was convinced it was a ghost doing it to me.
I can't keep a job. I go into downward spirals until I either quit or get fired.
I can't even begin to start thinking about time beyond a few months. I don't even hide how much I want to kill myself. I openly scream, even occasionally in public "Fucking kill me!" "Slice my fucking throat wh*re!", etc. Nobody's even said anything about it beyond "Quit being dramatic".
I constantly fantasize about cutting my throat, all the time.
I've fantasized about killing almost everyone I've seen. If it's a female, I have probably thought about raping her, cutting off her head and using at as a fleshlight.
The few times I have been able to try to convey my murderous impulses to a therapist/psychiatrist they weren't at all concerned, instead focusing on my depression.
I'm so sick of my fucking life.