Venting Completely failed to change my habits

[Deleted member 17949]

I really tried as hard as I could to develop less destructive and more useful habits. I tried to get into a studying routine, start exercising, talk to people more, learn a programming language, go mountain biking and start cooking. I devoted time to these things and made improvements in them, but in the end I've just given up on everything again because nothing makes me happy. I'm struggling to stop myself from sitting in bed doing nothing all day since I just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. I promised myself a few years back that I would definitely change and move past being suicidal, but in reality it's only gotten way worse.

I was just talking to my parents about my future and what I'll do going forward with education, and I realized that everything I was saying was a load of shitty lies. I'm never going to improve myself, I'm going to keep wasting my life because I don't care about anything.

 

[PaYo]

I manage to heal, i manage to get better to be on the right track, even i get today that son of my brother getting married, that was the best information that gave me wings today. until i crash on my friends that i need to breath in my life. And they manage to treat me like they always do, ignored me. Me and my needs. I have nothing but no hopes for my life right now. Im alone again. Noone to turn into. Im alone

 

[4eyebiped]

You tried and made some progress. Trying can be a huge first hurdle and in turn a huge first step. Perhaps, this can be viewed as baby steps towards even more progress. A little at a time is still a viable long term plan.

 

[Aeathelina]

I know that all too well. Its a fucking Junji ito with how I cannot stick to anything. That's why I want off this ride because it doesn't end and I don't have the willpower to stick to anything that would be good for me, but best believe the bad habits stick like glue.

 

[DIDme]

I feel your pain. I have been trying. I even started therapy in December thinking just maybe I could get to a place where life could be more than tolerable and not so desperately lonely. But so sad again. Relieved to find this site though! I've been reading for over a week now and I am impressed by everyone's honesty and support for each other.
Cryptic-egg i have no doubt you have done everything you possibly could to try to improve your quality of life. I truly believe that we all do the best we can with the knowledge we have at any given moment in time.
I have no advice to offer.... I have no idea whether I will manage to fight for my right to end my suffering or continue with the merry go round of trying and failing.
My sincere wish for you is that you can have some respite. You sound very weary in your post. I hope that you manage to get some sleep tonight... here in the UK it's getting late... and that whatever happens you find enough strength to take a decision that takes you out of the limbo that sinking into bed and hiding miserably leaves a person so stuck.
Thinking of you.