Venting Comparisons are driving me to suicide

[Pomegranate]

I melted down today after checking out my friends' activities on social media. I'm severely depressed and have OCD. I failed out of college, and I can never achieve the dreams I sought for so hard. And now, I'm left with comparing myself to friends and classmates all day long. It makes me feel worthless. While they're going about their lives, making new friends, and studying, I can barely focus on the TV. It's like there is this huge gulf between my life and theirs. I blocked all of them. I can't take it anymore.

It's making me think more seriously about ending my life. What's stopping me is the hope that future treatments might work on me. But I can't take feeling like this for the rest of my natural life. I'm in anguish.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.

 

[CommitSudoku]

To be honest I couldn't take talking to some "friends" for similar reasons. I could never have a life like theirs and would never even fit in their life, I was just a burden and it hurts being on the outside. I can't be on social media, it's too much to take. I hope taking a break from it can help you. It's an awful anguish to carry day in and day out, harder too when some "friends" can never understand it. I guess that's why I value these forums and who I meet here so much, though of course that means we're all suffering immensely. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope if you try treatments that they go well. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[Pomegranate]

To be honest I couldn't take talking to some "friends" for similar reasons. I could never have a life like theirs and would never even fit in their life, I was just a burden and it hurts being on the outside. I can't be on social media, it's too much to take. I hope taking a break from it can help you. It's an awful anguish to carry day in and day out, harder too when some "friends" can never understand it. I guess that's why I value these forums and who I meet here so much, though of course that means we're all suffering immensely. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope if you try treatments that they go well. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

Thank you so much for these words. I'm thankful for Sanctioned Suicide and people like you that are on it. Yes, I try to not go to social media, but the temptation is strong, and the fact that there is this Pandora's box that I can't open without melting down speaks volumes about my mental health. I'm not trying to hurt their feelings; it's just that I realized these relationships do more bad than good, and I desperately want to feel better. I've tried therapy and medication, but they're as useful as a chocolate teapot.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so depressing and unfair. I'm sorry that you are going through this, I can imagine that it must be unbearable. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[DPJ187]

Its important to realise your not alone in these thoughts and feelings. Dont compare yourself to anyone, they have not lived your life or understand your experience. You just need to focus on yourself. Get rid of social media if you can, its not helping you. Also remember social media is for narcissists, carefully curating your image so other people will like you more. That is crazy and backwards. Just relax yourself, watch a film or listen to music, domsomething forget yourself at peace even just for this evening. You are a harsher critic to yourself than you would be on someone else.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It's deadly to see the rest of the world enjoying their wonderful lives… I'm happy for them but It is devastating

 

[chocolatebar]

I used to feel bad when seeing "successful" people around me, but then I observed their lives more carefully. They work, go home, form a family, have children and somewhat die, living an empty life, with small sparks of joy when the kids achieve something or when they spend money on frivolous acquisitions.

I definitely don't like my current life, but I don't want that "success" as well

 

[Pomegranate]

Thank you, everyone. I'm reading each and every comment. All your input is greatly appreciated. I'm not happy to hear others have had similar experiences, I wish no one has them. But it does make me feel less alone in my struggles. One thing that's been hard to swallow is the realization that pretty much no one cares about me. And while I might be hurt by that, I'm trying to be the biggest advocate for myself, and hopefully I'll make the right decision that will make me feel better.

 

[Judy Garland]

Get off social media. Delete your account completely. Be a digital hermit.

 

[DPJ187]

Thank you, everyone. I'm reading each and every comment. All your input is greatly appreciated. I'm not happy to hear others have had similar experiences, I wish no one has them. But it does make me feel less alone in my struggles. One thing that's been hard to swallow is the realization that pretty much no one cares about me. And while I might be hurt by that, I'm trying to be the biggest advocate for myself, and hopefully I'll make the right decision that will make me feel better.

Its not true that nobody cares. We do. We are a community which you are part of. We will ne hear to listen, vent at or give advice where we can. Some advice for this evening, get some weed and watch a movie or listen to some music. Let the thought fairies come and take the your worries away. It's what I'll be doing, its what others will be doing, we are not alone, just not together.

 

[whywere]

Your post resonates with me on so many levels about my own life. Now with that aspect said, I 100% truly believe in you, as you are a kind, caring and such a thoughtful soul, reading your post says that loud and clear.

I am 66, reference point for this post, and I still make new discoveries about myself each and every day as far as something that I did or could not do and now it works for me.

That is what I mean about believing in you, as far as you are a smart and caring soul, and you will discover yourself as live unfolds for you. It did for me, it took me a while, I am slow, but it worked for me, and I heart felt believe that it will for you also.

You are family to me, as I have no family nor friends, except all the loving souls here! and I want the very best for you.

Have a sun filled upcoming weekend and again, I believe in you, my friend.

Walter

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I relate to the devastation of dropping out and or failing university and watching everyone move on so easily while you're left in the dust

I'm sorry you're experiencing this

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I melted down today after checking out my friends' activities on social media. I'm severely depressed and have OCD. I failed out of college, and I can never achieve the dreams I sought for so hard. And now, I'm left with comparing myself to friends and classmates all day long. It makes me feel worthless. While they're going about their lives, making new friends, and studying, I can barely focus on the TV. It's like there is this huge gulf between my life and theirs. I blocked all of them. I can't take it anymore.

It's making me think more seriously about ending my life. What's stopping me is the hope that future treatments might work on me. But I can't take feeling like this for the rest of my natural life. I'm in anguish.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.

@Pomegranate, Hi l'm Mike aka 'LONEWOLF', Why do you want to be like the others so much? What's wrong with just being You! I send you a gentle hug