Story Coming to terms with the fact that I don't actually want to die

[Blackroom_57]

Had 25 grams of SN dissolved in water sitting in a cup in front of me today.... just stared at it for thirty minutes and even brought the rim of the cup to my mouth, but I just couldn't do it. I want the suffering to stop but I don't actually want to die. Who else is stuck in this conundrum? I wish I was desperate enough so that I could just effortlessly drink the glass like so many have on here and just fade away.

 

[James777]

Had 25 grams of SN dissolved in water sitting in a cup in front of me today.... just stared at it for thirty minutes and even brought the rim of the cup to my mouth, but I just couldn't do it. I want the suffering to stop but I don't actually want to die. Who else is stuck in this conundrum? I wish I was desperate enough so that I could just effortlessly drink the glass like so many have on here and just fade away.

I know but I'm tired and just feel like I want to wake up from a bad dream. Can you link the concuction you made pls.

 

[Marine]

Had 25 grams of SN dissolved in water sitting in a cup in front of me today.... just stared at it for thirty minutes and even brought the rim of the cup to my mouth, but I just couldn't do it. I want the suffering to stop but I don't actually want to die. Who else is stuck in this conundrum? I wish I was desperate enough so that I could just effortlessly drink the glass like so many have on here and just fade away.

Me, I can't bring myself to even test my SN or research N more like I've been wanting to do at least to be safe but I've also been brought back after dying three times so it's getting really old yet the torture is unbearable once again and so far the exorcism was a scam...

 

[Niko66]

Had 25 grams of SN dissolved in water sitting in a cup in front of me today.... just stared at it for thirty minutes and even brought the rim of the cup to my mouth, but I just couldn't do it. I want the suffering to stop but I don't actually want to die. Who else is stuck in this conundrum? I wish I was desperate enough so that I could just effortlessly drink the glass like so many have on here and just fade away.

I think that's how must of us feel in essence. At least at a certain point. I surely can relate, I want to live a "good" life. I don't want to undergo so much of only pain and misery anymore. Death is just one way to make it stop and not my desired finality, after all we will get there regardless, it's more a matter of choosing for the pain to stop. Maybe it means that you giving life another shot could be worth it for you, I don't know your circumstances to know how realistic that is for you to change how you feel and what ails you, but that is the personal decision I try to make every day, a choice between life and death means to try to live the life I want or do the things that might slowly head to me to who and where I want to be for as long as I haven't made that final decision to stop.

 

[thatguyakira123]

Been stuck like this for years. I actually had enough time to do a hanging a week after my birthday. Everyone was out and I had the house to myself. But I didn't sleep well the night before and was too irritable to set up everything to do it.

But I always feel this need of wanting to kill myself and at the same time not brave enough to do it. It doesn't help that I've grown attached to beings in my life that would make it difficult for me to go through with it.

We're just a rock in a hard place. Not being brave enough to die yet not wanting to be alive. In my case, as a result I don't want to advance things in my life just incase I do do it. It's messed up. Though there is very little options in my shithole of a country.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Had 25 grams of SN dissolved in water sitting in a cup in front of me today.... just stared at it for thirty minutes and even brought the rim of the cup to my mouth, but I just couldn't do it. I want the suffering to stop but I don't actually want to die. Who else is stuck in this conundrum? I wish I was desperate enough so that I could just effortlessly drink the glass like so many have on here and just fade away.

In my opinion, nobody really wants to die, what they want is an end to suffering, and they see death as the solution to that.

Maybe deep down you want to try to turn your life around. I think it's always worth a try. I hope things get better for you.

 

[rationaltake]

I think a lot of people aren't anti life in general. Just anti the life they actually have.

This may not apply to you but if it does I wonder if there's any chance of moving closer to the life you would like?

I'm stuck like you are.

 

[jesse]

You are not the only one. I had a gun to my head with my finger on the trigger, but I didn't do it. I think I never intended to. I'm not sure. A single movement of my finger and I wouldn't be typing this right now. I am not very attached to this life. I don't have friends or a family. I don't find my work fulfilling. I don't have hobbies I care about. I really don't care about anything that much honestly. Most days are fairly painful for me. The few joys I experience are fleeting and unsatisfying. I don't know why I chose/choose to stay alive, just passing the time, abusing food and alcohol to make it tolerable. I don't know. To say I don't want to die is a gross over-exageration. Yet, I don't think I'm capable of taking my own life.

 

[Eternaloblivionplea]

I want the suffering to stop too. I see suicide as the solution to all the problems that I don't solve.