Help Chronic Suicidal since 11 ᝰ🚬 - how do I accept that? ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡

[CicisDoingUnwell]

☆ ──꒰ (𝑪 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈...)

How do I accept being chronically suicidal? What can I do?

With any tiny incident my thoughts shift away from the actual problem and focus on killing myself as soon as possible, so I don't have to go trough all of this pain anymore.

It has been a coping mechanism for all my life… now I want to let it go, but it keep happen naturally.

Sometimes the anxiety shifts and I get so angry I get agression - that's why I started boxing… but they just don't go away.

My life is only full of wanting to ctb, but I know there is more to it.

☆ ── 𝑩𝒚𝒆; 𝑪! ꒱

 

[monday?]

these thought patterns can be changed over time. i don't know if you've ever tried therapy but CBT can help with that. there's also this thing called acceptance and commitment therapy which has been working pretty well for me. you'll have to spend a lot of time thinking about your thoughts

 

[plast1c_sk1n]

Unfortunately I can't offer any real advice as I'm the same way. Have never had a will to live for as long as I can remember, every tiniest minor inconvenience makes me think it would be easier to just kms. My life is great but still my anxieties never go away. The thought that I have to keep living for decades longer is horrible.

All I can do is try to work hard and make my life as enjoyable as possible. I can't kill myself because it would be too horrible on my family and friends, therefore I'm stuck with this life for the foreseeable future. I have a tattoo that says "still alive". For people like us, we might never truly want to live the way some people do. But I just keep telling myself that regardless of how I feel about it, I'm still alive, so might as well live my life to the fullest. I do my best in school, I force myself to talk to people and make lots of friends, I work on my appearance, I try to better myself outwardly & be kind to others. Anything that might at least make every day slightly easier in the long run.

And because I'm not scared of death, I get to let myself do things that I know will damage me in the long run, like drinking, smoking, listening to loud music, etc. And I get to let myself pursue my passions even if they won't make me the richest or the most successful because I know if it ever gets so bad, I can just kill myself anyway. Once you accept the way you are and let yourself see suicidality as a plan to always have to fall back on if worst comes to worst, instead of a weight preventing you from living a happy life, it gets a little easier to live with, at least for me.

 

[CicisDoingUnwell]

these thought patterns can be changed over time. i don't know if you've ever tried therapy but CBT can help with that. there's also this thing called acceptance and commitment therapy which has been working pretty well for me. you'll have to spend a lot of time thinking about your thoughts

This sounds soo soo good I will talk with my therapist about it!

Unfortunately I can't offer any real advice as I'm the same way. Have never had a will to live for as long as I can remember, every tiniest minor inconvenience makes me think it would be easier to just kms. My life is great but still my anxieties never go away. The thought that I have to keep living for decades longer is horrible.

All I can do is try to work hard and make my life as enjoyable as possible. I can't kill myself because it would be too horrible on my family and friends, therefore I'm stuck with this life for the foreseeable future. I have a tattoo that says "still alive". For people like us, we might never truly want to live the way some people do. But I just keep telling myself that regardless of how I feel about it, I'm still alive, so might as well live my life to the fullest. I do my best in school, I force myself to talk to people and make lots of friends, I work on my appearance, I try to better myself outwardly & be kind to others. Anything that might at least make every day slightly easier in the long run.

And because I'm not scared of death, I get to let myself do things that I know will damage me in the long run, like drinking, smoking, listening to loud music, etc. And I get to let myself pursue my passions even if they won't make me the richest or the most successful because I know if it ever gets so bad, I can just kill myself anyway. Once you accept the way you are and let yourself see suicidality as a plan to always have to fall back on if worst comes to worst, instead of a weight preventing you from living a happy life, it gets a little easier to live with, at least for me.

This is 100000000% how my life was and still is, lol.. I see the struggl!!

I also have everything i need and still just want to kms