Partial-Elf
Eternal Oblivion
- Dec 26, 2018
- 461
I think I've finally figured out the cause of a lot my problems: chronic stress. In retrospect I'm piecing together this narrative that seems so obvious.
For the past few years I've started my career in a demanding field and gotten a lot of accolades, extra responsibilities and money, mostly because I've just put so much time and energy in, marketed myself well and taken advantage of opportunities as they've arisen. It feels like I'm always "on", always pushing and going–I'm kind of type A overachiever people pleaser.
However, a lot of this success has been something of a deal with the devil as it's been fueled largely on adrenaline, caffeine, at rare times amphetamines, and force of personality–all things that I know I can't sustain. It's also worth noting that my job is confrontation heavy, so even if I were cool as a cucumber, I'd have my adrenaline switch flipped probably once a week during a confrontation regardless.
During this time there have been obvious cracks or chinks in the armor that today I learned point towards chronic stress and the damage it's doing. Most obvious and probably severe is near constant suicidal ideation during this time. My blood pressure is also in the hypertensive range even though I'm very young... I'm in pre hypertension now. I've also felt chronic pain in an old shoulder injury–something which I didn't feel for years until I started this phase of my life. I've experienced some weight gain–about 15% of my body weight in fat over the past two years. Part of that is also because I leaned heavily on alcohol to cope at first (though I've since curbed that issue). I'm not sure I would consider myself handsome now like I did before the weight gain. I also had a few angry violent outbursts while at home that shocked and scared the people I live with.
I've gone to two doctors to try to get some help with the depression I was experiencing, which until today I didn't understand was being caused by chronic stress–one is my family doctor and one is my therapist. Spoiler: both have been less than useless. Neither identified the fairly obvious cause of the problem and instead insisted that I get on SSRI meds and exercise more. Neither of them took my complaints or doubts about my work-life seriously. It was only when I was listening to a podcast today about an unrelated topic that I encountered this concept, researched it more, and realized how well I applied to me.
So I guess my hope is to make a recovery thread geared towards people who are living with chronic stress and discuss ways to shut it off. I'm thinking about ways to reduce my responsibilities and make sure I get adequate sleep every night. I'm also working on simplifying the daily tasks of my job so that my mind isn't so cluttered.
Do you feel like chronic stress is a part of the issue for you? If so what are some strategies we can use to work our way out of this toxic mess?
For the past few years I've started my career in a demanding field and gotten a lot of accolades, extra responsibilities and money, mostly because I've just put so much time and energy in, marketed myself well and taken advantage of opportunities as they've arisen. It feels like I'm always "on", always pushing and going–I'm kind of type A overachiever people pleaser.
However, a lot of this success has been something of a deal with the devil as it's been fueled largely on adrenaline, caffeine, at rare times amphetamines, and force of personality–all things that I know I can't sustain. It's also worth noting that my job is confrontation heavy, so even if I were cool as a cucumber, I'd have my adrenaline switch flipped probably once a week during a confrontation regardless.
During this time there have been obvious cracks or chinks in the armor that today I learned point towards chronic stress and the damage it's doing. Most obvious and probably severe is near constant suicidal ideation during this time. My blood pressure is also in the hypertensive range even though I'm very young... I'm in pre hypertension now. I've also felt chronic pain in an old shoulder injury–something which I didn't feel for years until I started this phase of my life. I've experienced some weight gain–about 15% of my body weight in fat over the past two years. Part of that is also because I leaned heavily on alcohol to cope at first (though I've since curbed that issue). I'm not sure I would consider myself handsome now like I did before the weight gain. I also had a few angry violent outbursts while at home that shocked and scared the people I live with.
I've gone to two doctors to try to get some help with the depression I was experiencing, which until today I didn't understand was being caused by chronic stress–one is my family doctor and one is my therapist. Spoiler: both have been less than useless. Neither identified the fairly obvious cause of the problem and instead insisted that I get on SSRI meds and exercise more. Neither of them took my complaints or doubts about my work-life seriously. It was only when I was listening to a podcast today about an unrelated topic that I encountered this concept, researched it more, and realized how well I applied to me.
So I guess my hope is to make a recovery thread geared towards people who are living with chronic stress and discuss ways to shut it off. I'm thinking about ways to reduce my responsibilities and make sure I get adequate sleep every night. I'm also working on simplifying the daily tasks of my job so that my mind isn't so cluttered.
Do you feel like chronic stress is a part of the issue for you? If so what are some strategies we can use to work our way out of this toxic mess?
