Christmas is coming...

[raindrops]

I'm sat here thinking wow Christmas is near! I use to worry about Christmas but now I'm sorta depressed I haven't given it any thought at all. I use to want decorations, the best gifts, gingerbread house making with the one you love, you know all those cute cheesy things that you do together with your partner.

I can remember the day I was a perfectionist I'd worry about these things I mentioned, well, I mostly worried about what I'll receive, what will I get was always on my mind.. to think that's how I use to think makes me sick. Now I'm not worried or bothered about gifts.
This year the one thing that will get to me is looking at couples and families shop, not because they're buying gifts, it's the fact they're all together or have each other that will make me feel like utter shit.

It will be just me and my grandmother at Christmas, I am grateful but I wish now when I had my own place I invited her round more, I wish I visited my so called partners parents more, especially when they would invite me for dinner at xmas I wish I went, instead I'd let him go alone while I stayed indoors, smoked weed and played xbox! I wish I wasn't so focused on myself at that time, I wish so badly I made the most of what I had...
I hope and want to achieve that love again.
I just want to spend the rest of my life making others happy, being loved and giving love is all I want, not materialistic things, I want to give love. I want to be with someone (him) instead of being locked in my room at my age, I wish I was in my own home.

Fuck Christmas.

 

[Fedrea]

I'm sat here thinking wow Christmas is near! I use to worry about Christmas but now I'm sorta depressed I haven't given it any thought at all. I use to want decorations, the best gifts, gingerbread house making with the one you love, you know all those cute cheesy things that you do together with your partner.

I can remember the day I was a perfectionist I'd worry about these things I mentioned, well, I mostly worried about what I'll receive, what will I get was always on my mind.. to think that's how I use to think makes me sick. Now I'm not worried or bothered about gifts.
This year the one thing that will get to me is looking at couples and families shop, not because they're buying gifts, it's the fact they're all together or have each other that will make me feel like utter shit.

It will be just me and my grandmother at Christmas, I am grateful but I wish now when I had my own place I invited her round more, I wish I visited my so called partners parents more, especially when they would invite me for dinner at xmas I wish I went, instead I'd let him go alone while I stayed indoors, smoked weed and played xbox! I wish I wasn't so focused on myself at that time, I wish so badly I made the most of what I had...
I hope and want to achieve that love again.
I just want to spend the rest of my life making others happy, being loved and giving love is all I want, not materialistic things, I want to give love. I want to be with someone (him) instead of being locked in my room at my age, I wish I was in my own home.

Fuck Christmas.

I want to vomit every time I see Xmas cards for this year. Reminds me of the trauma that stated last Xmas that set off suicidality

 

[KleinerWolf]

Xmas... Just like birthdays,
Never really celebrated them.
I wonder why
FML...

It's that time of the year for me.
Yearly emotional baggage and inadequacy.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Five years ago at a Christmas party for my job was the first time I had my heart broken so I can relate to being a total Scrooge about the holiday. I love the idea of watching Christmas specials and movies still but I have genuinely not given gifts or received any since then and I'm fine with that.

 

[raindrops]

I want to vomit every time I see Xmas cards for this year. Reminds me of the trauma that stated last Xmas that set off suicidality

I know the feeling all of it makes me sick I just try to think half of the people you see shopping and smiling have a reason to enjoy it so I don't want to be bitter.
I work with someone who says "i hate it" We can't hate it, we have to smile in the face of adversity and advent calendars.

 

[death137]

Our Christmas is on a different date but what I really like about yours is the tv shows. Every year around Christmas national geographic and history channels show many very interesting documentaries about Jesus and Christianity.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I hate the holidays. Hate hate hate them. From Thanksgiving to New Years, I hide in my home, curtains closed, most lights off, and it is the only time I drink alcohol. Just get me through till Jan 2.

 

[Lupgevif]

I always loved the Holidays, but they never really lived up to the hype and now I consider them dead for me.

 

[_Kaira_]

I don't hate holidays, rather in particular they just make me so sad. Out of all the days in the year, they felt the most fake to me. My parents were highly abusive every day out of the year, but Christmas? Birthdays? You'd better believe they'd make a show out of it to convince other's we were the most perfect little middle class family on our side of the neighborhood.... I knew it, my brothers knew it. But still, we played along to make them happy, lest we ruin our ever so short breaks. These days I wish holidays weren't even a thing. Don't even really participate in them today. I'd be lucky if I got a "happy birthday" although I don't really care if I do. Just another day, another year of unwanted existence. Christmas is kinda ignored, but if someone does get me something, I thank them simply for the thought. Truthfully I wish they didn't spend money on me though.

 

[Lupgevif]

Still, my favorite time of the year are the months of October, November and December. December 26th is literally the day is hate the most.

 

[_Kaira_]

Still, my favorite time of the year are the months of October, November and December. December 26th is literally the day is hate the most.

Agreed. As much as I dislike Halloween and Christmas. Seeing the people who decide to take decorations and lights down on the 26th fills my heart with sorrow. Christmas lights at nighttime, in particular, is the only part I find enjoyable.

 

[Lupgevif]

Agreed. As much as I dislike Halloween and Christmas. Seeing the people who decide to take decorations and lights down on the 26th fills my heart with sorrow. Christmas lights at nighttime, in particular, is the only part I find enjoyable.

Here in Brazil we have the tradition to remove decorations only on January 6th, because it is another religious date. But it is somehow even sadder, seeing those decorations up for no reason, blinking for something that is already gone. As an adult, this doesn't affect me a lot anymore, but these feelings were so present as a child it just marked me and I can't help remembering.

 

[_Kaira_]

Here in Brazil we have the tradition to remove decorations only on January 6th, because it is another religious date. But it is somehow even sadder, seeing those decorations up for no reason, blinking for something that is already gone. As an adult, this doesn't affect me a lot anymore, but these feelings were so present as a child it just marked me and I can't help remembering.

I suppose I just cling to the parts I've always found so beautiful about it. As a kid it was so magical to go around looking at all the beautiful colors and work people put into it. Especially if there was snow. I wish I took the time to enjoy it more, as every year, more and more people don't really put a lot of effort into it anymore. Being in a hotter climate now, there's never any snow either. A part of me just feels empty that I'll never get the full effect ever again.

I find myself longing for that part of my life. Nostalgia if you will.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Many more people this year will spend Christmas alone, sometimes for the first time, and it will be awful for them. This will be my fifth Christmas alone.

 

[greebo6]

I'm sat here thinking wow Christmas is near! I use to worry about Christmas but now I'm sorta depressed I haven't given it any thought at all. I use to want decorations, the best gifts, gingerbread house making with the one you love, you know all those cute cheesy things that you do together with your partner.

I can remember the day I was a perfectionist I'd worry about these things I mentioned, well, I mostly worried about what I'll receive, what will I get was always on my mind.. to think that's how I use to think makes me sick. Now I'm not worried or bothered about gifts.
This year the one thing that will get to me is looking at couples and families shop, not because they're buying gifts, it's the fact they're all together or have each other that will make me feel like utter shit.

It will be just me and my grandmother at Christmas, I am grateful but I wish now when I had my own place I invited her round more, I wish I visited my so called partners parents more, especially when they would invite me for dinner at xmas I wish I went, instead I'd let him go alone while I stayed indoors, smoked weed and played xbox! I wish I wasn't so focused on myself at that time, I wish so badly I made the most of what I had...
I hope and want to achieve that love again.
I just want to spend the rest of my life making others happy, being loved and giving love is all I want, not materialistic things, I want to give love. I want to be with someone (him) instead of being locked in my room at my age, I wish I was in my own home.

Fuck Christmas.

Many people with depression/anxiety issues dread and hate Christmas . I do myself .It is a very lonely time and reminds you of what your missing out on / can't have .
Valentines Day can have much the same effect.....

 

[XYZ]

I know what Santa is going to bring me this year: anxiety. Lots and lots of anxiety.

Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Anxiety all the way

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Very painful time of year for me. It's also right around when both of my sons have birthdays. Last year was the first year I spent Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years completely alone. This year will be no different if I'm still around by then.