Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 30 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 445
Why are suicidal people tasked with becoming resilient jungle explorers when it comes to finding out information on how to peacefully exit this world?
It took a painfully-long time for me to find likeminded people; let alone the methods required to CTB. They are buried on forums like these and the dark web, and there's no telling how long websites like these will be allowed to stay up once the internet is claimed entirely by major corporations.
There are so many social brick walls in place to prevent a suicidal person from coming to terms with their feelings. I guess I was lucky that Reddit was a thing back when I was in high school, because I never got direct or frank answers about the way I had been feeling.
I was fed so much generic advice like, "Take your mind of things by watching a good movie" or "Maybe if you play the new Fallout videogame with me, it will make you feel better."
I was receiving advice from people who had only engaged with surface-level sadness, and it made me feel isolated and trapped in my mind. Reddit was the first place I started seeing the idealistic veneer stripped away completely, and people having frank discussions about how they truly felt.
I would have benefited from that so much in high school—simply having my feelings acknowledged and validated. Expressing my suicidal thoughts only "othered" me, and made friends want to avoid me after I told them. My parents also gaslit me when I would tell them how I felt, and they said it wasn't "suicidal feelings", it was just hormones from being a teenager (let's just pretend it's not there lol
)
We're only just beginning to see mental health being acknowledged by society, but I think I'll always hold resentment towards the people who invalidated my feelings growing up. It's like they were trying to temporarily distract me in hopes that I would "somehow" turn out normal and not have these issues, but of course, they were just kicking the fucking can down the road so that I could experience the same mental torture during college and in my late 20's.
It took a painfully-long time for me to find likeminded people; let alone the methods required to CTB. They are buried on forums like these and the dark web, and there's no telling how long websites like these will be allowed to stay up once the internet is claimed entirely by major corporations.
There are so many social brick walls in place to prevent a suicidal person from coming to terms with their feelings. I guess I was lucky that Reddit was a thing back when I was in high school, because I never got direct or frank answers about the way I had been feeling.
I was fed so much generic advice like, "Take your mind of things by watching a good movie" or "Maybe if you play the new Fallout videogame with me, it will make you feel better."
I was receiving advice from people who had only engaged with surface-level sadness, and it made me feel isolated and trapped in my mind. Reddit was the first place I started seeing the idealistic veneer stripped away completely, and people having frank discussions about how they truly felt.
I would have benefited from that so much in high school—simply having my feelings acknowledged and validated. Expressing my suicidal thoughts only "othered" me, and made friends want to avoid me after I told them. My parents also gaslit me when I would tell them how I felt, and they said it wasn't "suicidal feelings", it was just hormones from being a teenager (let's just pretend it's not there lol
)We're only just beginning to see mental health being acknowledged by society, but I think I'll always hold resentment towards the people who invalidated my feelings growing up. It's like they were trying to temporarily distract me in hopes that I would "somehow" turn out normal and not have these issues, but of course, they were just kicking the fucking can down the road so that I could experience the same mental torture during college and in my late 20's.
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