Choosing to live

[drop]

Today is the day I choose to live, I was planing to ctb with a shotgun today, for the only thing to stop me is the fear of the impact I would have on people I know. People scare me. This world is corrupt, I mean supper disgusting and I have seen and experienced its tragedies. I know how this world works and its foundations of lies. I know what allows us to live. We are nothing but products made only to be expoileted to generate control and wealth. They have controlled the food supply, the medical supplies, our money system, and soon if not already our government. Everyday our aspects as humans is nothing more than a cog in the money making machine. The dollar we make loses its value everyday. The ratio of money generated to living requirements grows slowly to 1.
I realize it isn't our minds as humans that drives us but our hearts. I can't do anything in this world if my heart is not in what I do. That is why I am struggling in this life. Currently my heart resides in the blue pill, taking drugs and having the clock strike down to 0 so I can escape from this scam. The biggest thing I have to do is figure out a way to use my heart in anything I do in life. If anyone has suggestions, please do tell.

-drop

 

[Nobody'sHero]

 

[Kimlett]

I'm glad you're still here. I totally agree with you, the world is a disgusting fucked up place and I'm trying to come to terms with that as well. I'm currently studying again to change my career path after some years trying to elucidate what I want to do in this life. Sometimes the only thing that helps you figure out what you want to do is time. You can try different things at your own pace. After all, if we want to die, we have nothing to lose, right?

 

[mydeadflowers]

Personally, I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I need to endure some of the hardships of everyday life. I feel like I'm rather faint of heart compared to most since I'm rather sensitive to the suffering of others, and that often affects how I'm able to function at work or school. My aspirations used to be art related, but having entered my college years has sort of resulted in me discarding them. I would much rather people not be in the same position as I when it comes to accepting that chasing their dreams might not be feasible since it's a rather soul crushing feeling, but I'm learning to accept that putting what little energy I have into making changes in my life for the sake of working towards a future in which I can do something that will allow me to help others is probably a much better choice for me than resigning to helplessness.

I'm still rather lost and I don't know what it is I want to do in the long term, but I'm still pretty young so I feel like I need to take advantage of the privilege that is the time I have left on this Earth. I've been considering volunteer work since I want to build more work experience without quitting my current job, and I want to do something that involves helping others in some shape or form. I'm hoping that'll bring me at least a little bit of peace of mind. Even if I die not having done anything super impactful in the world I would much rather spend my energy trying. Coping with hardship is a difficult and often times imperfect process, it takes time to build endurance. It's not comfortable, but I would like to think that fighting like hell has gotten me just a little bit further in life, even if my emotions cause me to be a bit slower than others.

I can only speak from my experience, so I do not expect my words to be the best advice or even something that everyone will be able to apply to themselves. I just hope that sharing my struggles when it comes to finding the heart to continue in spite of how terrible it is to experience and be witness to human suffering can bring you at least a little bit of comfort. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm happy that you chose to continue living.

 

[2messdup]

Today is the day I choose to live, I was planing to ctb with a shotgun today, for the only thing to stop me is the fear of the impact I would have on people I know. People scare me. This world is corrupt, I mean supper disgusting and I have seen and experienced its tragedies. I know how this world works and its foundations of lies. I know what allows us to live. We are nothing but products made only to be expoileted to generate control and wealth. They have controlled the food supply, the medical supplies, our money system, and soon if not already our government. Everyday our aspects as humans is nothing more than a cog in the money making machine. The dollar we make loses its value everyday. The ratio of money generated to living requirements grows slowly to 1.
I realize it isn't our minds as humans that drives us but our hearts. I can't do anything in this world if my heart is not in what I do. That is why I am struggling in this life. Currently my heart resides in the blue pill, taking drugs and having the clock strike down to 0 so I can escape from this scam. The biggest thing I have to do is figure out a way to use my heart in anything I do in life. If anyone has suggestions, please do tell.

-drop

What a brilliant post. Sorry I have no suggestions atm. Running on empty.