Help Cheating and suicide

[pinkbluebutch]

A few months ago, I got blackout drunk and cheated on my partner. I told them, and we've been working through it, but I worry our relationship will never recover, and that they just don't feel able to leave me. The cheating has made me want to harm/kill myself more than anything else in recent history, as I think cheating is one of the worst things a person can do to another person, and deserves punishment. Unfortunately, I can't decide if it's more selfish to kill myself as I feel I deserve or stay with my partner; the best option I imagine would be to let/encourage them to break up with me and kill myself afterwards, but it's complicated since we have a shared lease and quite a few plans together.

 

[Tig]

If you care about them, and they care about you,
It can worked out with, time and space given.
But first you need to identify the problem, and deal with it, alcoholism, even one time "blackout drunk",
If you dont......
Shame on you,
everyone deserves a second chance.
The question is, Will you do the hard base of work it takes to resolve the problem ?
Or take the easy way out,
Killing yourself for cheating on a partner that would have forgiven you, for there trespass on them.

 

[davidtorez]

I dont agree that its the worst thing a person can do to another person, but its pretty mean nonetheless. In my books its definitely no reason to harm yourself over , its best to try talk things out if possible .

 

[Warkman1]

I think if your partner is sticking with you and trying to work this out then they clearly love you very much. If you feel the same you should try to honour that and attempt to get back to a place where you make eachother happy

 

[pinkbluebutch]

If you care about them, and they care about you,
It can worked out with, time and space given.
But first you need to identify the problem, and deal with it, alcoholism, even one time "blackout drunk",
If you dont......
Shame on you,
everyone deserves a second chance.
The question is, Will you do the hard base of work it takes to resolve the problem ?
Or take the easy way out,
Killing yourself for cheating on a partner that would have forgiven you, for there trespass on them.

I stopped drinking immediately after it happened, and went back to therapy to work on the people pleasing that, in my opinion, led to a lot of it. I only wish I could take it all away, and although I want to believe we can heal from it, and I've definitely made progress, it feels selfish to "let" (forgive the word, it's hard to be nuanced sometimes) them stay with me when they could have a healthier, fresh start without all the baggage.

I think if your partner is sticking with you and trying to work this out then they clearly love you very much. If you feel the same you should try to honour that and attempt to get back to a place where you make eachother happy

Thank you, I appreciate that outlook. I think it's hard sometimes not to get stuck in the feelings of guilt and regret, but my partner and I chatted about it recently as well and I appreciated when they said "if you're not letting yourself heal then you're slowing down our relationship from healing."