Changes as you get older

[ErnestPobjoy]

I've noticed that there are some younger people on this website. I hate to give advice to people and I also don't want to sound like a boring, old man describing his own youth but I just want to give my honest version of what happened when I was younger and why I am so glad that I didn't act on suicidal thoughts at that time of my life.
I've just had my 47th birthday. I was around 13 when things started to get difficult in life with anxiety and depression. Sure, throughout my teenage years and into my twenties, I was often in great pain, life seemed unbearable and I experienced suicidal thoughts. At the age of 28, things changed for me, there was a dramatic change. It was like I turned into another person. Life became amazing and it really wasn't in a way in which I expected. It remained amazing, really interesting and exciting for many years. Another change happened when I was 43 and I started to slow down but life was still intersting for a couple of years. The last 18 months have been hell.
If I had killed myself during those teenage years or in my early twenties, then I would never have experienced those amazing highs from the age of 28. That was magic, that was something else. I look back and I realise that I had to go through what I did as a teenager and in my 20s in order to be able to experience those highs later in life. It's a long story but yeah, life can be hard and cruel at times, I didn't understand why life had to be so hard for me when I was younger and it was only later that I realised why.
Just my story for the record.

 

[Stevo]

How are you doing now? Is everything OK. If so, why on this forum?

 

[Beachedwhale]

Would you mind describing what changes you went through or is that too personal?

 

[Cronetappingout]

You are so right there were things that happened between 26 -46 that were amazing and I am so glad I didnt miss them.
Being on this site is hard because I remember those days when I was young too and they truly are hard. But to get through them and experience the awesome things made the hard times worth fighting through.
My heart goes out to all the young people I see on here and it is tough because I understand the despair and pain they have.
I hold on because I believe things can get better in my life again even though right now it is a big pile of shit.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Sometimes life is cruel in a way that cannot possibly get better (mental illnesses for example), time and experience cannot fix this and no one of any age should have to continue with it.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I am genuinely happy for you that you experienced some joy in your life when you were younger. That is wonderful, and I am pleased that these highs happened for you. I am sorry your life has deteriorated again in more recent years.

Those of us who are younger may consider suicide for a myriad of complex reasons. While it is true that by dying we relinquish any opportunity to experience joy, we also cut short any suffering we may endure.

Speaking personally, I would rather end my suffering than cling on in desperate hope that I may experience some fleeting happiness.

In my case, I also struggle with chronic physical disabilities and illnesses that only cause deterioration for as long as I live, in addition to complex PTSD and other difficulties.

My quality of life has actually gotten substantially worse throughout my twenties, as my cognitive and physical functionality has gradually declined. I am now in permanent pain and mostly bedbound, at only 29. It's only downhill from here. Even if I do prolong my life and experience moments of happiness, this will forever be outweighed by my chronic pain, fatigue, progressively weakening muscles and joints and psychological trauma I have to live with for the rest of my life.

My regret is that I didn't die sooner, before the pain escalated to this point. If I don't kill myself, I could be living like this for decades, and I cannot fathom what my life would be like in another ten, twenty, thirty years, when it is so dire now.

My point is that we cannot apply a particular experience or point of view broadly to a large demographic of people who all have a vast range of life experiences and difficulties, and varying levels of support (or none at all) to navigate them. Youth does not always = opportunity, potential, health and vitality.