Before I decide to commit suicide, I want some wisdom from older members on SS here if my life is fixable.
Is my situation really as hopeless as it seems? I see a lot of posts on here from young people, and the advice given to them is that barring a terminal illness, their life is always "fixable" because of how young they are.
Well I believe I may have received the absolute shittiest life situation possible. I'm 22 years old. I have ADHD, I am transgender, I'm suffering from PTSD from a childhood of abuse by a toxic, manipulative family.
I also believe I may be autistic, which is the absolute biggest death sentence. I have a crippling inability to pick up social cues, and it's contributed to my isolation, loneliness and depression.
I am participating in a clinical drug trial for autism, which *may* help with my empathy. But I still get panic attacks from my PTSD frequently, and my trans issues and ADHD make it difficult for me to find a job. I'm so depressed from loneliness that I just want to die.
Do I have a chance?
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burglarlydante, LittleJem, Anxieyote and 4 others
I don't know how to help you well, but you shouldn't worry too much about autism, it's just a label that doctors use to define you and put you in a specific group with common characteristics. it serves them more than it serves you, especially when it comes to treating you.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's several times, several people, and in the end it was on my certificate of disability as a "developmental disorder" ... but it didn't help me because I already knew how I am ... Apparently other people need these diagnoses to pay attention to you - until then you are a zero to the left for anyone.
I think I also have ADHD, but I do not insist and I do not want to let them know because every time they check my disability they do it upwards and that does undermine my self-esteem, as they use my certificate continuously to assess the my suitability for jobs and ... I already have 73 percent. Step.
I did not know that there was medication for the autism spectrum ... by the way and this is very important for you to know because I have been told several times, IF we have empathy, in fact we are super-empathetic, we are able to feel and excite us with things that others can't even imagine.
The problem is that we do not know how to manage these emotions, they overwhelm us and we avoid them because of the harm they do to us ... and yes, you are right about something, we do not know how to interpret gestural or verbal language properly and this limits us express ourselves to others.
We are hypersensitive and the medication given is usually to reduce the effects of this hypersensitivity, which usually causes a lot of emotional disorders, but I did not know that there is a medication to treat autism itself and not its comorbidities.
What if you got a chance? of couse. Your own failure must come from yourself, not from how others see you or treat you. Not to be optimistic about you. When I was young I was fed up with living a life so conditioned by my surroundings and I thought that everything would improve if I went my own way, but I didn't know how to do it better, I didn't get away with it and I'm currently disgusted. ..
But I do not see that you have given yourself the opportunity to try it for yourself, it seems that you have mentalized a situation that you have not yet left in your own hands.
Don't be afraid of failure assuming you've already failed, at least try to make your life the way you want it to be, it takes work and effort - it's not easy at all - and over time, if you fail, you'll think and know why and decide what to do. but don't think that dying for the failure of other people towards you, that neither you nor anyone else deserves, that each one assumes his responsibilities, you do not assume that of the others (and less if these people they do not want to be held responsible for their actions).
Good bye
No se com ajudar-te bé, però per la part de l'autisme no t'hauries de preocupar gaire, només és una etiqueta que usen els metges per definir-te i posar-te en un grup concret amb característiques comunes, els hi serveix més a ells que no pas a tú, sobretot alhora de tractar-te.
A mi em van diagnosticar l'Asperger diverses vegades, diverses persones, i al final consta en el meu certificat de discapacitat com a "trastorn del desenvolupament"... però no em serveix pas de res perquè jo ja sabía com sóc... pel que es veu les altres persones necessiten d'aquests diagnóstics per fer-te cas -fins llavors ets un cero a l'esquerra per qualsevol-.
Crec que jo també tinc TDAH, però no insisteixo ni ho vull fer saber perquè cap cop que em revisen la discapacitat ho fan a l'alça i això si que em mina l'autoestima, ja que fan servir el meu certificat continuament per valorar la meva adequació a llocs de treball i... es que ja tinc un 73 per cent. Passo.
No sabía que hi havía medicació per l'espectre autista... per cert i axò és molt important que ho sàpigues perquè m'ho han repetit diverses vegades, SI tenim empatía, de fet sóm super-empàtics, sóm capaços de sentir i emocionar-nos amb coses que els altres no poden ni arribar a imaginar.
El problema es que no sabem gestionar aquestes emocions, ens aclaparen i les evitem pel mal que ens fan... i si, tens raó en una cosa, no sabem interpretar el llenguatge gestual o verbal de forma adequada i això ens limita alhora d'expressar-nos vers els altres.
Sóm hipersensibles i la medicació que es dona normalment es per reduïr els efectes d'aquesta hipersensibilitat, que acostuma a generar molts trastorns emocionals, però no sabía que hi hagués una medicació per tractar l'autisme en si i no les seves comorbilitats.
Que si tens una oportunitat? es clar. El fracàs propi ha de venir de tú mateix no de com et veuen o et tracten els demés. No es pas per ser optimista amb tú. Jo de jove em vaig enfartar de viure una vida tan condicionada pel meu entorn i vaig pensar que milloraría tot si seguía el meu propi camí, però no vaig saber fer-ho millor, no m'en vaig ensortir i actualment estic fet un fàstic...
Però no veig/llegeixo que t'hagis donat la oportunitat d'intentar-ho per tú mateix, sembla que t'hagis mentalitzat d'una situació que encara no has deixat en les teves pròpies mans.
No tinguis por al fracàs assumint que ja has fracassat, intenta almenys fer la teva vida com t'agradaría, requereix treball i esforç -no és pas gens fàcil- i amb el temps, si fracasses, reflexionaràs i sabràs perquè i decidiràs que fer, però que no se't passi pel cap morir-te pel fracàs d'altres persones cap a tú, això no ho mereixes ni tú ni ningú, que cadascú assumeixi les seves responsabilitats, no assumeixis tú la dels altres (i menys si aquestes persones no volen fer-se responsables dels seus actes).
I'm in a very similar position except I'm a year older and also a junkie. I'm pretty awful at cheering people up and pointing out positive possibilities, the opposite is usually my speed. With that being said, I think while the kinds of issues we tend to suffer while perhaps not "fixable", you can find a way to cope with them, to work around them - but it isn't easy and can be a lot of work. I'm sure there are a lot of things about yourself you're unable to notice and appreciate right now that others could see in you if you give them a chance, loneliness doesn't have to be a death sentence. Idk about others but I find I care and empathize too much if anything, I just feel blocked and stifled from showing it unless I'm under the influence.
All the awful bullshit I've been and put myself through aside, I've been lucky to know some lovely people who care about me a great deal and even if that hasn't been your experience so far, that could still change, even if it seems unlikely to you now. The fact you're here posting this means you haven't given up yet, it's when you've given up and stopped trying that things take a really hopeless turn in my experience. The internet makes it easier for people like us to find and connect with likeminded individuals, definitely try to take advantage of this as much as you can. There's no guarantees, but if you're trying, there's almost always a chance for things to improve.
In reference to age, the early 20s can be the time one begins to unravel the contributions of childhood and begin to take conscious control of one's future. If one has received a healthy legacy from one's parents, this future trajectory can be smooth and bright. If one has been crippled, identifying the damage and working out a plan for recovery is the first order of business.
The four children Hans Asperger studied all went on to have successful lives even though Hans thought they were somehow defective because they did not seem to him to be typical.
The trans issue is a little more complex. About half the people who go down this road will attempt suicide. This is often explained away as a result of a lack of social acceptance. This may not be a sufficient explanation. There can be a number of ideas that begin as fantasy and slowly become fixated in one's mind as true. This can be more so if the ideation is pleasurable. If one has come to this point in conjunction with toxic developmental issues, it can even be more complex.
If someone comes to feel that their trans path was not real, there can be a lot of shame involved. However, if one has been mistaken, there should be no shame in making corrections. If someone is proud of where they are, they should go forward. The key is to identify what is real.
About forty years ago I knew a gal who was apprehensive about going to her 20 year high school reunion. After she had been she said that the pompous posturing of the 28 year olds at her 10 year reunion had been replaced by the world weary people resigned to reality of 38 year olds. She was glad that she could relate to the people as people and not as projections of some fantasy life their younger selves were pursuing.
Those of us who dealt with abuse had to work at repair of what was damaged. This can last for decades. However, the moment you begin to see yourself in terms of what has been damaged and what can be repaired, you begin to see yourself as in control of your life and can begin to see future possibilities.
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SleepyBB, Cathy Ames, ultraviolet and 1 other person
Before I decide to commit suicide, I want some wisdom from older members on SS here if my life is fixable.
Is my situation really as hopeless as it seems? I see a lot of posts on here from young people, and the advice given to them is that barring a terminal illness, their life is always "fixable" because of how young they are.
Well I believe I may have received the absolute shittiest life situation possible. I'm 22 years old. I have ADHD, I am transgender, I'm suffering from PTSD from a childhood of abuse by a toxic, manipulative family.
I also believe I may be autistic, which is the absolute biggest death sentence. I have a crippling inability to pick up social cues, and it's contributed to my isolation, loneliness and depression.
I am participating in a clinical drug trial for autism, which *may* help with my empathy. But I still get panic attacks from my PTSD frequently, and my trans issues and ADHD make it difficult for me to find a job. I'm so depressed from loneliness that I just want to die.
Sorry to read that you're going through a tough time atm.
For context, I have ADHD and Asperger's.
Firstly, being told by a psych that you're on the autistic spectrum is absolutely NOT a "death sentence".
I had enormous social anxiety when I was your age to the point of not being able to function. This disappeared with time and now people say that they wouldn't guess I have Asperger's. In fact, I doubt I would be given the diagnosis if I were to seek it now.
The positive part of being on the autistic spectrum is that you likely have technical abilities above the normal. Maybe, try exploring that?
As regards ADHD, that's very easily treated for example with methylphenidate - an absolute god send!
I don't know how to help you well, but you shouldn't worry too much about autism, it's just a label that doctors use to define you and put you in a specific group with common characteristics. it serves them more than it serves you, especially when it comes to treating you.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's several times, several people, and in the end it was on my certificate of disability as a "developmental disorder" ... but it didn't help me because I already knew how I am ... Apparently other people need these diagnoses to pay attention to you - until then you are a zero to the left for anyone.
I think I also have ADHD, but I do not insist and I do not want to let them know because every time they check my disability they do it upwards and that does undermine my self-esteem, as they use my certificate continuously to assess the my suitability for jobs and ... I already have 73 percent. Step.
I did not know that there was medication for the autism spectrum ... by the way and this is very important for you to know because I have been told several times, IF we have empathy, in fact we are super-empathetic, we are able to feel and excite us with things that others can't even imagine.
The problem is that we do not know how to manage these emotions, they overwhelm us and we avoid them because of the harm they do to us ... and yes, you are right about something, we do not know how to interpret gestural or verbal language properly and this limits us express ourselves to others.
We are hypersensitive and the medication given is usually to reduce the effects of this hypersensitivity, which usually causes a lot of emotional disorders, but I did not know that there is a medication to treat autism itself and not its comorbidities.
What if you got a chance? of couse. Your own failure must come from yourself, not from how others see you or treat you. Not to be optimistic about you. When I was young I was fed up with living a life so conditioned by my surroundings and I thought that everything would improve if I went my own way, but I didn't know how to do it better, I didn't get away with it and I'm currently disgusted. ..
But I do not see that you have given yourself the opportunity to try it for yourself, it seems that you have mentalized a situation that you have not yet left in your own hands.
Don't be afraid of failure assuming you've already failed, at least try to make your life the way you want it to be, it takes work and effort - it's not easy at all - and over time, if you fail, you'll think and know why and decide what to do. but don't think that dying for the failure of other people towards you, that neither you nor anyone else deserves, that each one assumes his responsibilities, you do not assume that of the others (and less if these people they do not want to be held responsible for their actions).
Good bye
No se com ajudar-te bé, però per la part de l'autisme no t'hauries de preocupar gaire, només és una etiqueta que usen els metges per definir-te i posar-te en un grup concret amb característiques comunes, els hi serveix més a ells que no pas a tú, sobretot alhora de tractar-te.
A mi em van diagnosticar l'Asperger diverses vegades, diverses persones, i al final consta en el meu certificat de discapacitat com a "trastorn del desenvolupament"... però no em serveix pas de res perquè jo ja sabía com sóc... pel que es veu les altres persones necessiten d'aquests diagnóstics per fer-te cas -fins llavors ets un cero a l'esquerra per qualsevol-.
Crec que jo també tinc TDAH, però no insisteixo ni ho vull fer saber perquè cap cop que em revisen la discapacitat ho fan a l'alça i això si que em mina l'autoestima, ja que fan servir el meu certificat continuament per valorar la meva adequació a llocs de treball i... es que ja tinc un 73 per cent. Passo.
No sabía que hi havía medicació per l'espectre autista... per cert i axò és molt important que ho sàpigues perquè m'ho han repetit diverses vegades, SI tenim empatía, de fet sóm super-empàtics, sóm capaços de sentir i emocionar-nos amb coses que els altres no poden ni arribar a imaginar.
El problema es que no sabem gestionar aquestes emocions, ens aclaparen i les evitem pel mal que ens fan... i si, tens raó en una cosa, no sabem interpretar el llenguatge gestual o verbal de forma adequada i això ens limita alhora d'expressar-nos vers els altres.
Sóm hipersensibles i la medicació que es dona normalment es per reduïr els efectes d'aquesta hipersensibilitat, que acostuma a generar molts trastorns emocionals, però no sabía que hi hagués una medicació per tractar l'autisme en si i no les seves comorbilitats.
Que si tens una oportunitat? es clar. El fracàs propi ha de venir de tú mateix no de com et veuen o et tracten els demés. No es pas per ser optimista amb tú. Jo de jove em vaig enfartar de viure una vida tan condicionada pel meu entorn i vaig pensar que milloraría tot si seguía el meu propi camí, però no vaig saber fer-ho millor, no m'en vaig ensortir i actualment estic fet un fàstic...
Però no veig/llegeixo que t'hagis donat la oportunitat d'intentar-ho per tú mateix, sembla que t'hagis mentalitzat d'una situació que encara no has deixat en les teves pròpies mans.
No tinguis por al fracàs assumint que ja has fracassat, intenta almenys fer la teva vida com t'agradaría, requereix treball i esforç -no és pas gens fàcil- i amb el temps, si fracasses, reflexionaràs i sabràs perquè i decidiràs que fer, però que no se't passi pel cap morir-te pel fracàs d'altres persones cap a tú, això no ho mereixes ni tú ni ningú, que cadascú assumeixi les seves responsabilitats, no assumeixis tú la dels altres (i menys si aquestes persones no volen fer-se responsables dels seus actes).
Thank you for your kind words. It gives me hope that someone in a different country like yourself has gone through a similar experience, and is able to understand and empathize with my experience.
Also, there are medications now that are being developed to treat the core symptoms of autism, and not just the comorbidities, which is very exciting! I don't want to reveal what clinical trial I'm participating in, but check out the drug Balovaptan developed by Roche, and transcranial magnetic stimulation.
Both these treatments have shown promise in the treating the most annoying parts of autism - inability to understand social cues / gestures in others, and reducing stimulus sensitivty. Modern medicine is amazing and it's giving me hope for the future. Best of luck to you too
Sorry to read that you're going through a tough time atm.
For context, I have ADHD and Asperger's.
Firstly, being told by a psych that you're on the autistic spectrum is absolutely NOT a "death sentence".
I had enormous social anxiety when I was your age to the point of not being able to function. This disappeared with time and now people say that they wouldn't guess I have Asperger's. In fact, I doubt I would be given the diagnosis if I were to seek it now.
The positive part of being on the autistic spectrum is that you likely have technical abilities above the normal. Maybe, try exploring that?
As regards ADHD, that's very easily treated for example with methylphenidate - an absolute god send!
Is it okay if I ask you for some advice on how you dealt with ADHD / Asperger's? I am having a rough time managing my symptoms, and I have no idea how people make ASD / ADHD out to be such a positive.
For ADHD:
I just started out on a light dose of Adderall and I feel like it doesn't do anything.
I'm still absent minded - today I left a restaurant without paying the bill because I forgot.
I also have bad insomnia and the Adderall has only made it worse. I feel like I'm "wired" when I'm trying to sleep so I'll be awake for hours lying in bed.
You mentioned methylphenidate. Was it safer / more effective in your experience than Adderall?
For Autism:
I am extremely sensitive to light / sounds / textures. Taking Adderall has actually made me even more sensitive to these things.
Going out into the sunlight burns my eyes and working in a cubicle with noisy chatter / bright lights exhausts me. I even have trouble sleeping because of the sound of the AC and the roughness of the blankets.
Was this something you had problems with and how were you able to deal with it?
The other big issue is my general "weirdness". I fixate on my hobbies like anime, cats, space and I can't talk about anything else with people.
Add on the fact that body language and facial expressions are alien to me, and I struggle making friends, and working with other people.
I don't want to believe that autism is a "death sentence" but I am currently struggling to even hold down a part time minimum wage job. I am scared that I may even become homeless in the future.
I have very strong technical abilities, which is wonderful, but it's a sad reality that you must need social skills too in this world to survive.
You said that people wouldn't even be able to guess that you have Asperger's now. Could you talk about how you were able to cope / if the symptoms disappeared with age? Thank you :)
There is hope. You are just going to have a longer journey finding what you were made for. Every person that I know that is neurodivergent has something that they are incredible at. All the other comments are excellent too.
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