aviator8
Member
- Aug 22, 2019
- 43
not sure if this should go in the recovery thread or this one due to the nature but here goes. I have been self harming through various methods (started with bruising then cutting then escalated to using alcohol and a lighter to burn my nuts) since I was 7 years old. I have attempted to kill myself multiple time ( I could succeed at any time, but I was afraid to give myself more than a 50/50 chance for religious reasons) anyways I have almost decided not to kill myself, but not really, and the true decision point at this point is that being like this so long has taken something from me like a stroke can take part of a persons functionality. I am in a state of permanent lethargy and self hate no matter how much I want to do something I just don't. anyways I am looking for a solution to one of these problems because I cant really classify this as living. I have decided to follow the neurological programming of the blue whale challenge (i can reconstruct it from incomplete lists on the internet) except as a computer is susceptible to command injection, I am supplementing it with my own list of things to do. today I did the first step of the whale challenge but I also built a fermingsworth fusor device (its a thing certain hobbyists do its a nuclear fusor) tomorrow I am going to embark on the next items-For reasons of integrity of the experiment I wont familiarize myself with the lists but rather handle the issues as they come. my goal is that at the end of the lists i either decide to live or die and if i live i will have done enough things during the process to permanently or otherwise break the cycle of lethargy and whatnot. i am posting here because I hope the outcome of the experiment may be helpful to others and because as the deadline reaches fruition i am going to need some help to complete it all and also some advice as to method...my preferred one would be to buy stilettos and slit both my wrists while standing in the Arkansas river. however that's not very practical for me right now. so as the date approaches I will need help not only in reconstructing the encrypted tasks in the blue whale list, but also suggestions as to method and what not, and the probability of my death I put at about 50/50. thoughts ideas is this stupid?
also I understand this isn't the normal content on ss but I got banned from a science minded site for trying to get advice there so I moved my experiment here. but the countdown has already started and I have 50 days to make up my mind (75 days at best)...so im also asking for help in choosing.
I also figured that if there were a time and place to finally be honest with myself and open up about this stuff its here and now so I guess this is my way of inviting someone else to realize whats actually going on with me.
also its important to note I am not encouraging people to encourage anyone to partake in or otherwise encourage suicide via the whale challenge or anything else its just as of right now my chosen method for making up my mind...and seeking advice for making up my mind.
also I understand this isn't the normal content on ss but I got banned from a science minded site for trying to get advice there so I moved my experiment here. but the countdown has already started and I have 50 days to make up my mind (75 days at best)...so im also asking for help in choosing.
I also figured that if there were a time and place to finally be honest with myself and open up about this stuff its here and now so I guess this is my way of inviting someone else to realize whats actually going on with me.
also its important to note I am not encouraging people to encourage anyone to partake in or otherwise encourage suicide via the whale challenge or anything else its just as of right now my chosen method for making up my mind...and seeking advice for making up my mind.
Last edited:
